“I…is she there? C-can you see her?” I squeaked out.
“Who, baby? No one is here right now but us three. Can you open your eyes for us?” Dio spoke up and I recognised his voice now it was calmer. He was close to me too and knowing that helped. Knowing they were both there helped.
“No! I won’t!” I cried as I ground my hands even tighter over my eyes, making sure no one could force them away to make me see it again.
“Cara, just try to breathe for me now. No one is going to touch you and you don’t have to move until you feel ready to, but I really need you to breathe, alright?” Cal coached.
“I c-can’t. My chest…I c-can’t…”
“Yes you can. I’m going to help you, okay? Can you try and breathe with me?”
“Is sh-she there? Is she watching me?” I gasped in desperate panic.
“No one is watching you, babe. No one can hurt you. Would it help if we moved away from your room? Do you want to go to my room, or to the living room?” Cal offered.
I just started to cry harder as the mess inside my head got worse. A part of me knew it wasn’t possible for my Mum’s body to be there again. She was dead and gone. She’d been cremated. Rafe’s employee, who was currently in Chicago investigating the attack on me there, would bring her ashes home to London when he returned, and yet I couldn’t seem to make myself hold on to that rationale. The lights, my fall, and landing in the wetness was it all happening, all over again. I was right back there, drowning in the stench of blood. So much blood. And those eyes. They wouldn’t stop watching me.
“Rafe... I w-want Rafe,” I whimpered eventually. He was the only person I thought I’d feel safe enough to have help me right then, and I knew I needed help.
“I’ll get him, baby. Hold on, and I’ll bring him,” Dio told me gently.
“Where is he?” Cal asked.
“The gym.”
I flashed between hearing Cal, trying to coax me to slow my breathing, and images of being back in my apartment, my Mum just staring at me and accusing me of not believing her, over and over again. Even that distant voice of reason was gone now and I just felt lost to the past as it sucked me under.
CHAPTER 9
CARA
“Tesorino?” I had no idea how long Rafe had been there, but suddenly his voice broke through my panic and fear.
“Rafe?”
“I’m here now, sweetheart. Can you look at me?” he asked softly.
“I c-can’t.” My voice was shaking so hard I could barely form the words, and pushing them out between my frantic breathing was almost impossible.
“Then can I at least hold you? I can’t stand to see you suffering like this. Please Cara.”
“I…I c-can’t see again….n-not again. I’m sc-scared,” I admitted.
“There’s nothing to be scared of. I’m here. I’ll protect you. Do you believe me?” he questioned and I found myself nodding automatically. “Good. Then I’m going to pick you up and take you somewhere I know you feel safer. You can keep your eyes closed if that’s what you need.”
I didn’t respond in anyway, but my whole body tensed, ready for him to scoop me up, my hands pressed down hard, so they wouldn’t be jolted from where they hid my eyes.
I felt the heat come from Rafe as soon as he leaned in close to me. His usual aftershave was mixed with the smell of sweat, andas he gathered me close to his body I could feel his skin and knew he wasn’t dressed in his usual shirt. I remembered Dio saying my brother had been in the gym and the pieces made some startling sense against the backdrop of chaos that was running rampant in my head.
“Rafe?” I whispered as he lifted me like a small child from under my arms and held me tight against him, all of my weight supported by the arm under my butt. He wrapped the other around me and held me tightly.
“Yes, sweetheart?”
“Is M-Mum…is she there…in m-my room? Is sh-she looking at me again?” I asked weakly, needing him to tell me. I couldn’t make sense of what was real, and I needed the answer to that question more than anything right then.
“What? No! Jesus, Cara. No. Mum is gone. She can’t look at you anymore. She’s dead,Gioia Mia. I promise you she’s gone for good.”
“I…I…the lights. They didn’t…a-and the floor…I f-felt the blood. It’s on me Rafe….I feel it on me again!” I panicked.
