And she didn’t know what to say. Didn’t know how to say it.
Silence stretched between them, punctuated only by the rhythmic clatter of wheels on tracks.
"This is awkward," Sasha said finally.
Victoria laughed, surprising herself. "No, it's not. It's imperfect."
"Is there a difference?"
"Huge difference." Victoria pressed her forehead against the cool window glass. "Awkward is what I've been doing for the past month. Pretending everything was fine, making excuses, running away when things got complicated. This is just… messy. Real."
"You're surprisingly philosophical for someone who's just made a very expensive train booking mistake."
"I've had an enlightening few weeks." Victoria took a breath. "I left my job."
The pause on the other end was so long she thought the call had dropped. "You what?"
"Quit. Talked to my boss this morning and handed in my notice. Well, technically I emailed my resignation because it needed to be in writing formally, but the sentiment was the same."
"Victoria, that's…" Sasha's voice had gone soft. "Why?"
"Because I spent two weeks sitting in that corner office feeling absolutely nothing. No satisfaction, no sense of achievement, just this hollow sort of… going through the motions." Victoria watched the town flash past, all red brick and church spires. "Every meeting, every report, every strategy session, I kept thinking about gardens. About you covered in soil, laughing at something Cathy said. About how you actually found something you loved and just… went for it."
"I haven't exactly gone for it yet. I've filled out some course applications."
"Which is more than I'd done in ten years of banking. I was so focused on being perfect that I forgot to check if I actually wanted what I was working toward." The words felt strange in her mouth, admission of failure dressed up as revelation. "Andthen I realized I'd rather be imperfect with you than perfect and miserable without you."
"That's…" Sasha's breath hitched. "That's quite a declaration."
"I'm not done." Victoria closed her eyes. "I think I might love you. Actually, scratch that. I know I do. I'm in love with you, and I have been since probably the greenhouse incident, and definitely since the snooker room, and absolutely since I left without saying goodbye properly."
The silence that followed felt like jumping off a cliff.
"You should have led with that," Sasha said, her voice thick with something that might have been tears. "Would have saved us both a lot of train fare."
???
Sasha pressed her phone so hard against her ear it hurt. Outside her window, a town was appearing, rows of houses packed tight and gray.
"I've been in love with you for weeks," she said, the words spilling out before she could second-guess them. "Since you defended me to your grandmother. Since you kissed me in the greenhouse. Since you looked at me like I was more than just Ambrose's convenient fake girlfriend."
"Sasha—"
"Let me finish." She wiped at her eyes with her free hand. If she didn’t let this out now, she was afraid that she might actually explode. "I convinced myself it was better to walk away. That if I made you choose between your career and me, you'd resent me eventually. That I'd always be the person who held you back from what you really wanted."
"That's completely…"
"Stupid? Yes, I know. Ambrose pointed that out today. Quite forcefully, actually, with a lot of swearing." Sasha watched the urban landscape thicken as they approached London. "But I was terrified, Victoria. You're brilliant and focused and you know exactly who you are. And I'm just… figuring it out as I go. I thought you deserved someone who had their life together."
"I don't want someone perfect." Victoria's voice was firm. "I want you. Soil under your fingernails, terrible at snooker, completely chaotic you."
Sasha laughed, though it came out more like a sob. "I'm coming to London because I have absolutely no plan beyond finding you and telling you I love you. Which, now that I say it out loud, sounds fairly unhinged."
"Join the club. I quit my job to chase someone who was simultaneously chasing me in the opposite direction. I didn’t even consider the fact that of course you’d be at Ambrose’s birthday celebration in Cornwall. Everyone’s been very careful not to mention your name to me. We're both disasters."
"Speak for yourself," Sasha said, wiping her nose with a tissue and wondering whether this was really happening at all. Then she had a thought. "Wait a minute, you just quit your job this morning?"
"Around lunchtime," agreed Victoria. "I, uh, didn’t give all this a lot of thought. I just sort of jumped on a train to Manchester to come and find you." She paused. "You know, I don’t even have a toothbrush. All I’ve got is my phone and wallet."
