The callous thought took me by surprise, and I found that I couldn’t bear to face Clay directly. Turning away from him, I braced my hands on the wall around the edge of the roof, staring down at the six-story fall that had nearly killed me.
I almost wished it had succeeded.
“I don’t remember anything from before the b—” My voice caught in my throat.
Damn. That name was still so hard to say.
Clenching my hand into a fist, I braced myself and forced my lips to bend around that hated word.
“I don’t remember anything before the bell ringers took me. All my life, I did whatever they told me. I put on a smile. I didn’t complain. I even fucking pretended to like what those bastards did to me.”
Something wet hit my fist. Without realizing it, the tears I’d been holding back had started dripping down my face to water the concrete below me. A few even fell over the edge of the roof, landing on the street far below.
“I did all that so they wouldn’t see me as a threat. All for the desperate hope that they’d let me live. And it worked. I got away from them. I survived. I’ve even managed to finally get to a good place, and I did it all on my own.”
I hated crying. My cheeks burned hot, and it felt like my eyes had been coated in a layer of gravel. Wiping the moisture from my cheeks, I bit back a new wave of tears and turned to face Clay and Logan.
It was surprisingly easy to stop crying when I saw them standing there. The sight of their shock and distress caused new fury to well up in my stomach.
What the hell did they have to be upset about?
With my hands clenched at my side, and my face twisted into an expression that felt as terrifying as it looked, I stalked toward them.
“What the hell was it all for? Huh? I submitted to every vile thing they did to me, all so I could avoid making an enemy of them. But now, nothing I did matters, because you decided to come here and paint a target on my back. So, no. I won’t be your witness. I’m done submitting to other people’s desires.”
I clenched my fists so hard that I felt my nails break through the skin of my palm. They were already pretty scraped up from clinging to the side of the building earlier, and my entire hands were starting to hurt. I wanted nothing more than to go to sleep and pretended this whole, stressful day never happened.
Without another word, I stormed past Clay and Logan and headed for the door leading back inside the building.
“Jordy, wait,” Logan called after me. He was smart enough not to touch me, and didn’t even try to block my path.
I could have easily ignored him, but something about the straightforward tone of his voice made me stop and listen. Logan was the one who’d brought me to the recovery center two years ago. I owed him this much, at least.
“You’re right,” Logan said, running one nervous hand through his dark hair. “This isn’t fair to you, and I wish we didn’t need your help. But we do. I can’t do anything about what you’vesuffered in the past, but with your help, we can at least make sure no one else has to suffer the same way in the future.”
He was so sincere that I almost wanted to agree with him. Looking at the detective up close, I could see why Clay had fallen for the man. His presence was strong, but comforting at the same time, as if he were capable of solving all life’s problems.
But he wasn’t. That was the crux of the problem.
“You’re a detective, right?” I asked, though my question was clearly rhetorical. “I heard you were specifically put in charge of the bell ringer case. That kind of promotion must mean that you’re good at your job.”
My eyes met his only for a moment, before I had to look away again.
“So, go do your job. Solve the case on your own. I shouldn’t have to do your job for you.”
I wrenched open the door to the staircase, intending to disappear into the shelter of the building, when Logan’s hand suddenly blocked my path.
“Wait. Here. Take this.”
He held out a business card.
I blinked at it for a moment but refused to touch it.
“I’m not changing my mind.”
“I know,” he rushed to say before I could start arguing again. “But please just take this, in case you need anything. Someone’s already tried to kill you once. I’ll feel better if I know you have a way to contact us, just in case anything else happens.”
Sighing, I gave in and stuffed the card in my pocket. It was just a piece of paper and wasn’t worth fighting over.
