“We both should have said something,” I interjected quietly.
I met Cade’s gaze in a mutual understanding of“thank fuck Hawkins and Kovac don’t live to gossip.”
Zane’s gaze remained unmoved, and his arms crossed. “Get on with it, Kelly.”
“Um, right. So, I promise you that neither of us wanted to cause you any trouble, for real, Coach. It was wrong of me to ask Ash not to say anything to you right away. I thought we could hide this until after the season, and Ash made his plans for next season. I was wrong about that too. I’m sorry for a lot of things. But what I’m not sorry for is the relationship I have with Ash now. I’m not going to get into it, but my whole hockey career, everyone’s been yapping at me to stop isolating myself from my teammates because I think I’m better than them. But that’s not it at all. . .” Cade’s shoulders dropped, rounding in a defeated way.
Cade drew in a deep breath, keeping his eyes steady on Zane alone. “I’m sure Ash said that he would quit coaching the Hammerheads for me. But you can’t let him do that, Coach. The team needs him.” He didn’t wait for Zane’s reaction before rushing to continue. “More than that, I can’t let Ash give up his job for me to stay on the team because it would just make this whole lie even worse.”
“What are you talking about?” Zane prompted.
“I don’t want to play hockey, sir. I’ve never thought I was better than anyone else. I just didn’t want to bring anyone else down when I couldn’t fake all that ‘yay team spirit’ bullshit. I mean, it’s great for people who feel that way about the team, but Ican’t,” he backtracked. “I did it because I accidentally had some skating talent as a kid, and one of the coaches said something to my dad about it. After that, it was a chain reaction of clinics, the juniors, and the OHL that just kept going until I ended up here. So, you see, Coach, you can’t take Ash away from the team when the guys need and respect him.”
Cade crossed his arms over his chest protectively. If I thought I loved him before this moment, the love I felt for him now embedded itself into my very DNA. Zane had no idea about the amount of courage it would have taken to admit one of his deepest secrets that he’d been forced to keep all these years.
But I knew.
Not able to stand the short distance between us anymore, I got up and stood at Cade’s side.
“You both are giving me a migraine,” Zane rubbed his eyes tiredly. “Fuck, maybe it’s a stroke. Either way, I need you to get out of my sight. Go back to yourseparaterooms,” he scolded, as if we were errant teenagers to be disciplined.
“But Coach. . .” Cade tried again.
“Nope. Shut up. I’m done. What Ishoulddo is fire you both. And I will if you say another word, Rookie.” Zane’s expression had mostly softened again as he listened to Cade’s plea, but his voice remained firm. “Leave me alone until I figure out a plan, got it?”
I nodded in agreement. We’d left more than enough problems in Zane’s lap tonight. He didn’t need us eating into any more of his sleeping hours than we had already.
Not wanting to risk Cade martyring himself any further on my behalf, I threaded my fingers through his and pulled him out of Zane’s room before he could argue.
Whatever happened, we’d find a way to deal with it.
thirty-five
CADEN
“You know, you don’t have to do this today. We could go visitKaitand Macie instead? Meeting the woman who’s been in my corner since you joined the Hammerheads is pretty high on my list of priorities these days.” Ash’s hand gently squeezed my knee as he asked the question. His tone was light, even though the air in the cab of his Jeep was weighed down by my dread at facing my dad.
The worry in his eyes was clear. “You’ve dealt with a lot lately.”
“A lot” was an understatement. Coach letting himself into Ash’s hotel room a few weeks ago scared a couple years off of my life.
Coach had taken the first couple of days after that to smooth things over with HR and the team’s general manager.
I’d officially informed the team of my intent to leave at the end of the season.
Both Ash and Coach had accepted my decision begrudgingly. But I’d never felt lighter in my life.
That’s why I’d convinced Ash to drive up to Sudbury for a second time so I could clear the one last obstacle in the way of me living life on my own terms.
Like all the other times I’d come home, I hoped that Dad was out somewhere with his buddies. I needed the opportunity to talk to Mom alone.
It was time to tell the truths I’d been hiding almost my entire life.
And I needed her to meet Ash, too. To see all the goodness inside him that I was so lucky to have found in another person.
Mom needed to meet the man I loved without the shadow of Dad’s vitriol hanging over the mood of the whole house.
Ash and I had talked it over. It was time to be honest about how much Dad’s control and demands prevented me from living my own life.
