“I know. And I’m sure it doesn’t mean much, and only thing I can do is to keeping saying I’m sorry. I will take total responsibility for my actions. I should have resigned from the team when I couldn’t stop myself from pursuing my feelings for Cade.”
Either my words or the sincerity of my tone must have gotten through to him because the fierce, tightly held emotion had drained out of Zane’s expression. His gaze now held a genuinecuriosity that hinted that my friend, rather than my boss, had entered the conversation.
“Oh yeah?” he asked, raising an eyebrow, his tone dripping with sarcasm. “Which part of your donated salary were you going to ask the charities to return? The half you donated to the children’s hospital in Toronto or the half you donated to the children’s hospital in Hamilton?”
“Fuck you,” I choked out a laugh. “Neither. And you know that, Z. I would have just paid the damn Hammerheads organization back out of pocket. The last thing I want is this leaking to the press before Cade has a chance to figure out what he wants for himself.”
I scrubbed my hands through my hair, briefly tightening my grip to yank at the roots as if the flash of pain might make me wake up in a reality where I hadn’t done the most selfish thing to risk my best friend’s career.
“So, you have real feelings for him, eh?”
I opened my eyes and sat straight up so that he could see my whole face. He needed to believe that I was one hundred percent sure of Cade. That nothing short of needing Cade in my future would have allowed me to act this way.
“Yes, I do. I love him,” I replied quietly. Cade and I knew how we felt about each other. Though I’m sure Mom suspected when I’d brought Cade home to Niagara, Zane knowing the depth of my feelings lifted a weight off my chest I hadn’t realized I’d been carrying. “Even without the potential public fallout I’m facing, I’m sure it seems too fast to you.”
I could handle a firestorm of bad PR if I had to. Zane now being in the loop about our relationship meant that there was one less secret in the way of me keeping Cade forever.
“Yes and no.” Zane’s voice took on a softness I’d never heard from him before. “Yes, it’s fast. But no, it’s not too early toknowhow you feel. Love doesn’t play by the rules.” He sighed, a speck of sympathy in his tone.
His gaze had skirted away from mine as he spoke. His stare looked unfocused to his right, as if he was thinking about something that wasn’t in the room with us.
As far as I knew, Zane was never one to want anything serious with anyone. It was hell to meet people with genuine intentions while playing professional sports. Zane had experienced the social life of being a star defender on the Titans before losing it all.
Whatever he was seeing in his mind, now was not the time to ask. Nor did I have the right to meddle in his personal life while on thin ice with him.
“You know you have to resign, like yesterday, right?” he asked, phrasing it like a question when we both knew the answer already.
I nodded.
Before I could speak, a loud knock at the door interrupted my thoughts.
“God, what the fuck could it be now? What have I done in my life to deserve more bullshit than this?” Zane complained, flipping his hand in my direction. “I swear to god, if someone is here to report some stupid-ass shit incident from one of the players, I’m going to have to send it to Hawkins or Kovac to handle it,” he said.
Zane stood, striding to the door, pulling it open for the second time that night, his movements slightly less sharp than the first time.
His large frame blocked whoever was in the doorway.
“Fuck me. Go back to your room. I don’t have the bandwidth to deal with you now,” he barked at the visitor.
“It has to be now, Coach. I can’t let this go on any longer without saying something.”
I knew that voice. Why was Cade here? I’d told him I’d handle this.
“Fine. Get in here and say what you came to say. Then I want you out of my sight for the next twelve hours, do you hear me?” Zane turned sideways to usher a wide-eyed Cade through the doorway.
Cade stepped quickly until he placed himself between where I sat in the chair and the spot where Zane stood.
“Cade, what are you doing? It’s up to me to talk to Zane about everything.” I pleaded with my eyes that he get out of here.
“No, Ash, I’m sorry. But I heard some of what you guys said while I was standing outside the door. It started off pretty loud,” he explained, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.
To Zane, he said, “I need you to listen to me, please, Coach.”
“Adding eavesdropping to your repertoire of misdeeds, Kelly?” Zane inquired, raising an eyebrow. His size and formidable presence were things he used now against Cade.
I bristled at the familiar posture from our years playing together, but kept my mouth shut, unable to deny Cade the chance to speak if he wanted to. Even if it created a bigger mess.
“Yeah, maybe I can be sorry about the snooping part tomorrow, Coach. But tonight, I need to apologize for what you saw in Ash’s room a little while ago. It was all my fault. Aside from the fact that I should have come to you when something started with Ash, I knowingly went to his room tonight even though we’d agreed to keep our relationship separate from our hockey obligations.”
