“Okay, I understand that,” I replied, slightly mollified even if it wasn’t what I wanted to hear in the moment. I started to speak again to address some of his other points, but he quickly spoke over me.
“Let me finish, please, before you say anything? I have one other important reason, and I need you to promise to really hear this part. Then you can say your piece, okay?” His unwavering gaze locked onto mine.
I nodded. It was Ash, of course I would listen. Would I believe him? The tinge of sadness at being rejected and the knowledge of how good it felt to be pressed together made that seem like a tall order.
“The last reason we can’t go back to kissing or anything more is that I have real feelings for you, Cade. This wouldn’t be anything close to a hookup for me. I know I like men and women. I’m bi. I’ve never been one to announce my private life to the public. In fact, I’m intensely private, not only about mysexuality, but about every part of my life. About the only promise I’ve been able to keep to myself all these years is that the fans and the media don’t own any part of the real me. They can have ‘The Ace’ on their TV screens, their phones, and all over their fucking socials, if they want. I give them eighty-two games a year, sometimes more, but once I’m off the ice, I only belong to myself.”
The conviction behind his words and his commanding tone had a zap of energy running up my spine, pulling my back straight and shoulders set with its power.
“Okay,” I whispered, not able to argue with anything he was saying.
It was well known to all the sports media outlets that Ash was incredibly hard to access, no matter how loud the executives’ grumbling became.
“I’m out to all the important people in my life. And if the right person came along, man or woman, I wouldn’t want to hide my feelings in public. I couldn’t have you in my arms only to lose you again. I’d want more than one night. Can you understand that?” The emotion in his eyes had pressure building up behind mine in response.
How could I be mad at him for putting a stop to something that he saw had risks for both of us?
Asher Landry was a good man. It was something I had known from our first interaction. But he continued to prove himself day in and day out.
“Wow.” I sounded like an idiot after the thoughtful words he’d just spoken.
But oh my god! Ash was into me? He saw me as more than some rookie he’d taken on as a pet project while working with the Hammerheads.
I couldn’t contain my smile. It felt incredible to be special to a person as amazing as Ash.
“What’s that smile mean? Are you okay with everything I’m saying here?” He returned my expression with a much more subdued curve to one side of his mouth.
“Let me try and get the words out because I heard everything you just said, and I think it’s really important that I try to be honest too.”
I broke eye contact, fiddling with the seam of the pillow in front of me, wondering if I had the same courage that he’d just shown.
twenty-one
ASHER
Every atom in my body wanted to jump back in time five minutes and still be kissing Cade.
If not for the raging hardness of my cock reminding me that I’d just had my hands and mouth on him, I’d swear I was either dreaming or imagining things due to sleep deprivation.
It would have been so easy to take what Cade had so beautifully offered.
Standing there bare, his lower half scarcely covered by the thin material of his sexy boxer-briefs, he’d been nearly irresistible.
After weeks of purposefully avoiding the team’s locker room on the off chance I’d catch a glimpse of his skin, I’d let myself look for the first time.
Goddamn, I’d been right to stay away as a defense against my deepening attraction to him.
Those gorgeous freckles were laid out like a banquet across his defined shoulders, his clearly visible clavicle bones, and over his pecs. I wanted to spend endless days and nights discovering every single freckle with my hands and then do it all over again with my tongue until he fell apart in pleasure beneath me.
His chest was dusted with a small amount of strawberry-blond hair that looked as soft as the luscious curls on his head, matching the denser thatch of his happy trail leading from under his belly button until it disappeared under the waistband of his boxer-briefs.
Fuck. His mouth was intoxicating. Kissing had never felt like I was being lit up inside by a set of fuses that just needed Cade to flip the switch.
Regardless of my cock’s disagreement, everything I’d said to Cade was true. Neither of us was in a state to decide anything right now.
Kissing him and feeling his skin against mine had solidified the fears I’d carried since we met.
I wanted more of him, but not just in the physical sense. Cade brought out a degree of protectiveness and care in me that I’d never wanted to share with anyone before. I was already in danger of tumbling completely in love with this man, so I knew that there was no way to have part of him and write it off afterward. The thought of Cade hooking up with anyone else had my blood racing with jealousy I didn’t have the right to feel.
