And that was before I found out he lived in the same fucking building as me. Except Ash had one of the newly renovated penthouse units, which was probably double the size of Hawkins and Kovac’s apartment. So, in addition to feeling embarrassed at practice and games—when I looked at his shoulder instead of his eyes as he gave instructions—I had the added bonus of imagining all the ways I could run into him in our building’s elevator or lobby. I’d been taking the stairs, even after every grueling practice, just to lessen the chances of that happening.
I needed to focus on my best friend in front of me.
“I’m sorry. . .what? Did you say a three-eyed cat? I thought Macie was allergic?” The synapses in my brain felt stretched thin as my thoughts caught up with my ears.
Kait’s eyebrow arched loftily. It was a handy trick I’d tried to master in the mirror when I was younger. Since we’ve been friends forever, I knew what that looked meant. I was about to get an earful about my distractedness.
“Ohhh. . . so, youwerelistening just now? I thought I drove five hours to deliver Beep-Beep-Boop-Boop to you and you’d just it across from me, worrying about hockey,” she said, but not before sticking her tongue out to let me know she was teasing.
“My computer is not named Beep-Beep-Boop-Boop,” I argued half-heartedly.
“Well, it should be because that’s an ingenious, yet adorable, name.”
The tense muscles between my shoulder blades seized at her earlier words. Hockey had become an afterthought since that late afternoon in Ash’s office.
I was an adult. There was no reason for me to be stressing like I was some self-conscious teenager who couldn’t help but dwell on something that was mostly out of my control.
But could you have looked Ash in the eyes and turned down his kindness? The comfort that you are desperate to soak into your very cells every time you’re around him?
My brow furrowed at the thought of giving up those few precious hours alone in Ash’s company.
Kait’s gaze remained on my face as I struggled to form the right words to tell her what was going on.
The tips of my ears heated, which had me silently cursing the pale skin that came along with being a redhead. It revealed every thought and every embarrassment. I had to work hard to keep my emotions locked down so they wouldn’t show on my skin, let alone my face.
“Honestly, I’m not thinking about hockey,” I began.
She narrowed her eyes, indicating that she didn’t believe me, but refrained from saying anything. That’s one of the things I loved about her. She never rushed me to get my thoughts out. And after years of living with my father, I was more used to keeping my mouth shut than forcing words to pass my lips.
“It’s actually about Ash,” I mumbled, unable to meet her eye. I opted to look down at the top of the scratched table instead.
“What do you mean?” she asked, her hands fisted where they sat on the table, as if she was going to run out of this restaurant to defend my honor. “Is he being an asshole? Pulling some kind of ‘I’m hot shit because I signed a zillion-million-dollar contract with the Titans last year?’ Because you know I’m not afraid to go in there and give them a piece of my mind, no matter which hockey star they brought into drum up some extra hype for the team. No one treats my best friend poorly. I don’t care if they are Willy-fucking-Wonka with a gold-plated ticket. Decency costs nothing.”
Her vehemence had a genuine smile tugging at the corners of my lips for the first time since that night.
I pressed my lips together to prevent a chuckle from coming out. She was so damn adorable when she got all fierce. It was easy to picture all five-foot-two of her in front of a wall of grown men with the power to decide many an AHL fate. They wouldn’t know what hit them.
I’d been at her back as she’d verbally thrashed bullies since elementary school. Turned out she didn’t need me that day in grade two, but liked me standing beside her, so she let me stay there all these years.
I hoped she never changed.
“No. Nothing like that at all. The total opposite, actually.” I glanced up to meet her gaze. “I completely humiliated myself in front of him a couple of weeks ago, and I don’t even know how to behave now. It makes practices and games pretty fucking awkward when he’s the offensive coach I’m supposed to be learning from and paying attention to. Except now, I’m hiding at the back of a group of hockey players hoping he doesn’t notice me or call me out.”
The confusing sensations swirled in my gut. Could embarrassment make a person delirious? Every time I thought about waking up on his shoulder, I felt as if I could pass out from light-headedness.
“Why is this the first I’m hearing about this?” Kait exclaimed, slapping one of her hands onto the table gently. “You know you can tell me anything. Macie says we need to surgically remove our phones from our hands at this point. So, it’s not as if I’m unavailable.”
“You’ve got your nursing courses. . .” I began. Kait had worked hard to afford her post-secondary degree. “And putting this mess into text seemed impossible.”
It was shitty of me to complain about playing in the AHL when so many Canadian kids literally ate, slept, and breathed all things hockey-related. How could I reconcile wanting to escape an opportunity so many athletes would kill for?
The guilt of wishing away my body’s natural abilities was sometimes crushing.
But even though her classes were a good excuse as to why I hadn’t mentioned it, the reality was that I’d been tied up in knots over my feelings about that night in Ash’s office.
That’s because a big part of youlikedhow you felt next to him on the ratty old leather couch, and you’re too chicken-shit to admit it.The area below my belly button trembled with that thought resurfacing.
“Listen, that’s horseshit, Caden. Yes, school is important. But when have I ever put anything before the people I love? Nannie, you, Macie, and now, my new three-eyed cat—” She barked a laugh at her own absurdity. “Will always take priority.” She winked.
