‘What do you mean, you’re not moving to London?’ Ariel wilted against the kitchen island, slamming down her glass of straw-coloured wine.
Gilly kicked off her shoes, for once leaving them where they landed. ‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have blurted it out. Think it’s just been trapped inside for too long. But I don’t think there’s any easy way to say this.’
‘Say what?’ Ariel demanded. ‘How we’re going to make it work, living a hundred miles apart? It’s been hard enough the past few weeks.’
That was rich, because it was Gilly who’d travelled to the capital, hardly getting any work done on the train because of the intermittent wi-fi, meaning she was always trying to catch up. Then, with Ariel out a lot networking ahead of the new show, it’d felt pointless and exhausting.
‘It really has,’ Gilly replied, knowing the only reason Ariel had deigned to travel down this evening was because of the community day. When they were together, or spoke over the phone, there didn’t seem much to say. Things were strained, not only because of the living situation, but with Ariel’s potential infidelity sitting between them like a huge immoveable rock. Gilly often worried about where Ariel was, who was she was with, or who she might be calling or messaging, when they were apart. It was awful, and unsettling.
She fought back tears, needing strength. This was both the easiest and hardest decision she’d ever made. Because it was the right one for them as a couple and individuals, but would break their hearts. At least for a while. Moving over to the cupboard,she took out a glass and slid the bottle of wine from the fridge, filling it to the rim.
‘What are you thinking?’ Ariel asked, swallowing. ‘Elaborate please.’
Turning around, Gilly took a deep, bracing slug of Chardonnay, put the glass down and crossed her arms. Every bit of pragmatic, logical thinking was needed to get through this. ‘I’m not moving to London, and we’re not doing the long-distance thing either. It’s over.’ Her voice softened, ‘Our relationship’s done. We both know it.’
‘What? No,’ Ariel said instinctively, bursting into noisy sobs, though there was no strength behind the words. ‘Why?’
‘You know why.’ Gilly tore off a piece of kitchen roll and handed it to her. ‘We’re not happy, haven’t been for a while. We don’t laugh together, or listen to each other properly. Things have been so up and down. I thought we’d settled at first, but lately we’re either arguing, not talking, or are trying to paper over the cracks. Even our flat agrees.’ She nodded at the picture which had the nasty habit of jumping off the wall when they fought. She’s resigned herself to it, a necessary quirk of living in this special place. ‘The move back to London has just brought things to a head. You must see that?’
Unable to deny it, Ariel sniffed, asking sorrowfully, ‘Don’t you love me anymore?’
Gilly’s eyes brimmed then, a tear escaping. It was so unbearably bittersweet, where they’d found themselves after their earlier good times. ‘I do,’ she nodded, ‘and probably always will, a little. But it isn’t right.’ Her voice firmed. ‘We don’t want the same things. You want the exciting shiny life in London, but more crucially a baby, to the extent nothing else matters. I’m not enough for you. Being a mother is something you can’t let go of, or consider finding in any other way.’ Another tear rolled down her cheek. ‘Too much damage has been done. Being honest, I’vealso realised I don’t need to be a parent right now. I don’t want a baby that badly. Maybe one day I’ll consider fostering, but there’s time to decide, and being a school leader is what I’m passionate about. I’m proud of that, and not ready to let it go.’
‘But you’re ready to letmego. To be single and alone?’ Ariel scrubbed her face, sinking down on a stool.
‘I’ll be broken-hearted for a while, and it won’t be easy, but I’ll be fine looking after my staff and pupils. It’s my vocation, just like art is yours. Surely you can understand.’
‘I do,’ Ariel sighed, ‘although I wished I didn’t.’
‘I also love living in this manor,’ Gilly gestured around their flat, an homage to historic beauty and filled with the luminosity of something inexplicable. ‘And the countryside quality of life. I like who I am here, more relaxed and open. Helping with the village restoration makes me happy, and the neighbours who’ve become friends mean so much, especially Kirsten. Our Wednesdays are the highlight of my week, not just because of the time I spend with her, but helping Rosie with her homework and catching up with the backlog of Disney films with her snuggled under my arm. So, I won’t be alone.’
‘The highlight of your week should be spending time with me.’
‘Yes. Friends should be a priority, but when you’re in a fulfilled relationship, the other person should be your absolute favourite person in the world. The person you most want to be with.’
‘And you don’t feel that way about me,’ Ariel said flatly.
‘Do you, about me?’ Gilly countered. ‘You wouldn’t have messed around with Steve, if you did. Things can’t be right between a couple if one of them’s having an affair.’
‘For the last time, it wasn’t a bloody affair! God, is all of this,’ Ariel flapped her arms about, ‘a way of punishing me for having feelings for someone else?’
‘Feelings?’ Gilly choked. Hearing it was a swift punch to the gut. Suspecting something was different to itbeingreal. ‘You didn’t have sex with him, but there was an emotional connection?’
‘N-no.’ But Ariel’s face drained of colour as she replayed her words. ‘Argh. Fuck!’ she yelled.
The lounge picture rattled and fell off the wall with a crash and tinkle of broken glass, making them both jump. Huffing out a breath, Gilly ignored it. There’d be opportunity enough to tidy the mess up later.
Ariel didn’t even spare it a glance, shoulders slumping as her face crumpled in misery. ‘I’m so sorry. You and I weren’t in a good place, and he made me feel wanted. It’s not an excuse. I just…’ Shrugging, she trailed off, before rallying. ‘I liked him, but if it’s any consolation, we only kissed a few times, and I never contacted him after he left. Getting close to him was a mistake. Also, the feelings were more on his side?—’
‘Kissed a few times?’ She felt sick, trying not to picture it. ‘I don’t even want to— Well, thanks for finally being honest and stopping the gaslighting. I can’t believe you let someone get so close after everything we’ve gone through and meant to each other.’ The surge of anger helped. It made things clearer and sharper. ‘For the record,no, breaking up isn’t a way of punishing you. This has eroded the trust between us, but everything I’ve said is true. We don’t belong together anymore.’
‘Is this really what you want?’ Ariel stumbled off the stool, reaching for her. ‘Please don’t do this,’ she begged. ‘Not after everything we’ve shared.’
With an effort, Gilly pushed the angry betrayal aside. Today, she was choosing kindness, empathy and compassion. This woman had unquestionably hurt her, but they both deserved to be happy.
‘Ihaveto.’ She sandwiched Ariel’s face between her palms. Kissing her softly on the mouth, just once, she stared into her green eyes. Feeling the wrench of a person who’d been the centre of her universe for so long, leaving her life. ‘It’s not what I wanted, but it is what’s best, for both of us.’ Her voice was steady, despite the pain and regret writhing along her nerve endings. ‘The night we got together, you were the most vibrant person I’dever met, as if you had a light on inside you. I’ve hated watching it dim over the past few years. We need to free each other so we can move on. I hope you get everything you want, and that light shines brightly again.’
The ghost of a smile touched Ariel’s lips. ‘Support people to pursue their dreams?You’re not the only one who reads Albie’s messages remember.’
