‘No one could,’ she joked, before gazing at the damp neckline of his jumper. ‘Sorry.’
‘No problem, this old thing needed laundering anyway.’
She snorted. ‘You always say the right thing. Except?—’
‘Except?’
‘Well, except when you don’t.’ Her dark eyebrows drew together, ‘Who are you calling surly?’
As they left Friendship Cottage together chuckling, tiny bits of plaster trembled on the floor before floating up and fitting back into divots and dips. The last few strips of wallpaper peeled away and fell to the dusty floorboards, leaving behind a blank canvas ready for a fresh start.
CHAPTER 14
Tori
Be Kind to Yourself
Dear Notebook,
Hearing Rose’s story in walled garden yesterday was touching. Mine echoes hers. Everything you know, snatched away without warning. Forced to find a new home and make strangers your new people. Sigh, acknowledging difference in reactions. Her family chose a different existence for themselves despite devastation, raising a wonderful woman embodying kindness worthy of being love of Albie’s life.
Seems like Rose made best of things.Can’t say same for myself. Came here to hide away, bit people’s heads off, unwilling to be drawn into small community. After giving me much-needed hug, Albie called me surly. Is that how I come across? How Iwantto? When look in mirror, who am I? Know reflection staring back doesn’t reflect how broken am on inside. People see what you choose to show them.
Think of this morning’s missive in manor entrance.Be Kind to Yourself.Can I? What does it mean? Meditation? Long bubblebaths, country walks, curling up on sofa with uplifting music or favourite book? Eating healthily, or taking Vitamin C? Is it emotional nourishment, seeing friends, being with family or laughing at funny films?
Maybe all. But what do I need, right now to be kind to self?
Perhaps stop being so self-critical and feeling so guilty. Am traumatised, hurting, under pressure from people for visits, and from police about court. Thought of having to face evil bastard makes me quake… Understandable why not exactly in party mood.
Stop being self-critical, hmmm… Could focus on what have achieved since moving here, instead?
Walking with Albie and Theo, and slowly making friends with them. Helping Albie with commonhold association admin. Working with others on cottage. Struggled at first as groups of people remind me ofthatnight, but stripping wallpaper was satisfying. Gave purpose. Even though police call stressed me out and cried all over Albie.
Visited his cottage alone this morning and after pausing to wonder who stripped rest of wallpaper in lounge, spent an hour ripping carpet off stairs before coming home for lunch. Could feel the frustration leaving my body, uncoiling my muscles.
So, know I can be better. And after understanding Albie’s motivations for rebuilding village, want to help. Besides, adding value and having purpose will build self-esteem. And the better I feel, the kinder to myself, the more likely I can find peace.
But what do I need most of all, after everything that’s happened? I- I need…
To move forward. Not be stuck in stasis, haunted by past.
Move forward.
Forward, Tori.
How? What will…?
Eyes land on car keys, lying on kitchen counter. Too soon? Surely, I can try? Might go wrong, but shouldn’t overthink. JFDI. Just Fucking Do It. Amber’s motto. Okay, my friend, I hear you.
Shoved feet in trainers, pulled on denim jacket, grabbed keys and knocked at Albie’s door. Answered wearing startling outfit of blue trousers, yellow shirt with braces, red bandana around neck. Woody fromToy Story? Mouth twitched, but didn’t ask.
‘Hi.’ Fingers clutching keys, I blurted, ‘Will you come shopping with me please?’
‘Now?’ Raised eyebrows.
‘Yes.’ Would lose nerve if didn’t leave immediately.
‘I’ll get my coat.’
