MADDOX
My bed’sempty when I wake up a few hours later and it doesn’t surprise me, but it hurts just a bit. It pisses me off more than a bit.
We’ve got a long day ahead of us, so I try not to let myself think about it too much, but most of the work is mindless and my boots slip in the mud enough times to make my mood even worse.
Jameson, Tyler, and I are out in the Northern pasture where the pregnant heifers are being kept, checking over the windbreaks and setting down bedding for them while the rest of the hands are spread out around the other pastures. If everything goes to schedule, there’ll be a lot more calves joining Betsy’s soon.
“Jesus Christ on a cross. What’s got your panties in a twist?” Jameson finally asks around noon when my boot sinks into a soft spot in the ground and I cuss more than I normally would.
“Nothing,” I grunt, grabbing his jacket sleeve to steady myself as I pull my foot free. I fucking hate this time of year.
Jameson stands steady until I let go and replant my feet. I ignore the way he and Tyler meet eyes and how Tyler’s lips twitch toward a smile. Jamie is the braver of the two. “Something, or else you would’ve handed me my ass for saying you wore panties.” He pauses. “Unless that’s your thing now. I s’pose I don’t have room to judge.”
Tyler snickers and I snap. “Can you two shut the fuck up and get back to work? I’m not coming back out here tomorrow to finish this shit up because you were too busy giggling to fix the windbreak right.”
Jameson’s smile drops. “Nah. Because what you’re not gonna do is talk to us like that. I don’t care who you are. And I better not fucking find out you’ve been talking to our hands like that or I’ll get Mama on your ass.”
With a huff, I take my hat off and throw it on the closest fence post, scrubbing my hand over my face before I remember I’m still wearing a glove covered in germs from cow shit and god knows what else. I tug them off and throw them on the hat, grabbing a bottle of water and pouring it over my face to rinse it. I’m just buying time, but I figure Jamie knows that.
“I’m sorry,” I tell them, and they both nod. Jamie waves his hand like the apology was unnecessary and he wants me to get to the good shit. He’s worse than the ladies at the church sometimes.
“What I’m gonna say doesn’t leave the three of us,” I say, eying Tyler. “It especially doesn’t need to reach the ears of Tate.”
Tyler rolls his eyes but nods. “Iamcapable of keeping shit from her, you know.”
“We know,” Jameson and I say at the same time. I set my jaw, daring him to sayjinxand already planning his death if he does—but he must be feeling smart today.
“You haven’t manned up and told her you’re in love with her yet, for example,” he teases Tyler instead, driving it further. Tyler shoves him and I huff, putting my hat back on. Fuck this. I’ll just get back to work.
“Nope!” my brother says, swiping my gloves before I can reach for them. “Tell us.”
Maybe telling them is a bad idea. But then I check my phone. No texts, no calls, nothing.
“Austin came over last night,” I start. “Last time I checked the clock, it was three and she was still in bed. When I woke up at four thirty to start on chores, she was gone.”
They each give their own sympathetic-sounding grunt. I nod.
“She’s not picking up the phone, either?” Tyler asks.
“I haven’t reached out,” I admit. “I’m too pissed off. Not sure what I’d say, anyway. At some point, it starts feeling like I’m forcing my way in where I’m not wanted, and I don’t wanna do that.”
Jameson nods and hands my gloves back to me. Tyler suddenly finds a rock on the ground very interesting, rolling it around under the toe of his boot. I imagine he can relate a bit too much with me right now.
We get back to work ‘cause there isn’t much that can be said. I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. Last night was supposed to just be fun—finally acting on our desires, not giving a shit about the consequences. But the consequences are clearer now and they’re not at all what I expected them to be. The age gap doesn’t matter. Her friendship with Kenny isn’t a barrier. The consequence of having sex with Austin was that I’m all-in now, and she definitely is not.
Tyler gets a call from Tate to pick her up from the feed store so he steps away to squabble with her about how she got to the feed store, and why she was even at the feed store, and what good was he if not to lift heavy things so she didn’t have to?
Jameson takes the opportunity to broach the topic again. “Were you two playing or was it vanilla?”
I sigh, working my tongue around and spitting off to the side, trying to get a rogue hair out of my mouth. “A bit of spanking. Light choking. She said everything was green,” I tell him. But even as I say it, I remember I didn’t double-check before choking her. She seemed to want it—seemed to love it—but I hadn’t asked.
Jamie seems to read the realization on my face, even though I’m positive my expression didn’t move an inch, because he nods again. I’m still looking out at the group of heifers I’d been looking at before, even if my eyes have gone unfocused. I blink to bring myself back.
Tyler’s hanging up the phone when my brother claps my shoulder. “No harm in double-checking. You’d rather over communicate than under communicate, right?”
“I’ve gotta go get your sister,” Tyler interrupts us with a grumble, snatching his hat off a nearby post.
I can’t help but snort. “Our sister,” I repeat. “She’s your girl when you want to put new tires on her truck, but when she meanders to the feed store on her own and ticks you off, she’s our sister?”
