“It’s a gift,” he grins. “I see Morris wanted another go with you this year.”
“I’m sure it won’t be the last. Fucker never learns,” I laugh as the team surrounds us as we celebrate our second win on the road.
Waiting until the last player has left the ice, I follow the excited chatter toward the locker room. I’m usually on such a game high that I can’t focus on anything else, but right now all my thoughts go straight to one thing.
Tonight I’ll be coming home and, for the first time, my high isn’t coming from just a win. What I want more right now has hair darker than the blackest night, and blue eyes that pull me in so deep that it’s quickly becoming my favorite thing to get lost in.
I’ve been gone three nights, and it’s been four days since I’ve been able to touch her. Between her work schedule and mygames and travel, we’ve managed to get a few phone calls and texts in, but it doesn’t come close to sating this intense need I have to be able to feel her.
Pulling my jersey over my head, I remove my pads and strip down to my black boxer briefs before submerging myself in an ice bath.
A thousand needles hit my skin, but I tune it all out and focus on my breathing until my body accepts the pain that the ice-cold water brings.
It doesn’t take long for the five minutes to be up as I grab a towel and take a seat on the bench, letting my body warm up naturally before I jump in a hot shower.
“How’s your house hunting going?”
Cayden sits down next to me, his body wet from the ice bath as he grabs a towel.
“I plan on looking at a couple next week.”
Truth is, I haven’t been in any hurry to move out, so I’ve put it on the back burner. I had my assistant send me over some options, but I haven’t even opened the email yet.
“Bring Savi. Girls are good at that shit. They somehow always know how to make a house a home.” Sadness touches his eyes briefly before it disappears.
“How’s Scarlett doing?” I ask, wanting to bring it back to a lighter subject.
His green eyes brighten at the mention of his two-year-old daughter.
“Growing like a weed. My mom got her this pink tutu, and she refuses to take it off. She says she wants to be a ballerina when she grows up, and it’s the cutest fucking thing in the world. I’m thinking of putting her in dance class soon because she loves it so much.”
Over the summer, Cayden and I became close. He volunteered at some of the hockey camps we held, and I got tomeet his daughter. He’s not wrong. She’s the cutest fucking thing you’ve ever seen and, for some unknown reason, she loves me.
“You need to stop by soon. Scar’s been asking for you. Maybe bringyour friendover for dinner one night.” The amused look on his face lets me know he’s definitely not buying thefriendpart.
“I could probably do that.” I throw the towel over my neck as I go back and forth on whether to say more.
Cayden’s wife died in a freak car accident soon after Scarlett was born. He’s the only one I know who understands what losing someone close to you feels like.
“Is it hard for you to look at Scarlett? She’s the spitting image of Juliette,” I say quietly.
“It was in the beginning because I missed her so damn much. It was hard to breathe without her, but now it’s one of my favorite things about Scarlett. It’s like Jules gets to live on through our daughter, and when she grows up, every time she looks in the mirror, a little piece of her mother will be looking back at her.”
“I look like my mom.” I have no idea why I’m telling him all of this, but I can’t seem to stop the words from pouring out. “My dad hated looking at me when my mom died. Still does,” I admit with a sad chuckle.
“He sounds like an ass,” Cayden mutters.
“Ass is an understatement,” I softly laugh, rubbing the back of my neck. “Losing my mom was the worst pain imaginable. Scares the fuck out of me to lose someone else like that again.” I think of Savi, and just the thought of something happening to her sends ice through my veins.
“Scares the fuck out of me too, man,” he sighs. “My daughter is my entire world, and I wake up in a panic sometimes thinking of losing her. Finding a love that deep, though, doesn’t give you a choice to walk away. It consumes you until you no longer canbreathe without it, landing so hard in your life that the only option you have is to grab onto it and hope like hell you never lose it.” He studies me for a moment before speaking again. “If this is about Savi, I will say that even though losing Juliette was the worst pain of my life, I don’t regret choosing to love her. My life with her for those five years was better because she was in it.”
“So if someone came along and made you feel that way again…would you take the chance to love again?”
“Nah,” he smiles sadly. “I got my one shot with Jules, and Scar is all I need in my life. But you,” he says, getting up and grabbing his towel, “still have a shot in you. Don’t waste it.”
He walks toward the showers, and I lean against the wall, closing my eyes as his words replay in my mind, not sure of anything anymore.
By the timeI pull up to Savi’s house, it’s two in the morning. Red-eye flights have never bothered me. The nights have always been something I’ve dreaded, so passing the time playing poker with the boys was always better than being alone in the dark with my thoughts.
