“But…” Maya says, and I smile because of all of my friends, she’s the one who knows me best.
“But I can’t cut through everything else, because that everything else is my life. My career. My family.”
“What are you afraid of?” Emmy asks, grabbing a bag of M&M’s and tossing it to me. “Like, when you strip everything else away, what are you really, truly afraid of?”
I tear open the M&M’s, eating a couple while I consider her question. “I’m afraid of what happens when it gets out that I’m dating a player. It’s an ethical fiasco.”
“But you’re not treating him, right?” Sarah asks. “Someoneelse on your team is. It can’t be an ethics violation if he’s not actually your patient.”
I shake my head, letting the chocolate soothe me. “It doesn’t matter that I’m not actually doing anything wrong. And it doesn’t matter that the team is playing better since I joined the staff than they have in years. That’s the kind of nuance the media doesn’t have the capacity to convey. Instead, they’ll breathlessly report that the Renegades’ brand new team psychologist, who is the niece of the general manager and who also happens to be a woman, is sleeping with a player.Are women smart enough to be psychologists? Are they even allowed to go to grad school? Can lady brains understand sports? Details at eleven.” I blow out a breath, throwing myself dramatically back against the cushions.
I glance around the circle and see understanding on all my friends’ faces. They are all smart, accomplished women who have had to deal with their share of assholery from inferior men, so I know they get it. And yet. “Say it.” I turn to Sophie, who keeps opening her mouth and closing it like she has something to add but isn’t sure she should.
She shrugs and reaches over, grabbing some of my M&M’s. “Fuck all of themis what I want to say. Seriously, screw every single narrow-minded asshole who tells you that you didn’t earn this job. Who wants to take whatever is between you and Cam and turn it into something sordid. You know Brian will have your back, and this entire family will fight anyone who comes for you.”
“I don’t want him to have to have my back this way,” I say suddenly, realizing the utter truth of it. “If someone who wasn’t related to him had this job and slept with a player, he’d toss her out on her ass. I don’t want to put him in the position to have to make a different choice for me because I’m related to him.”
“But you are related to him.” Maya leans back, her hands planted on the bed. “And he’s going to think differently about you because of it. That’s just the way it goes in this family. Itwould be different if you were doing something legitimately wrong, Mads, but you’re not. You said it yourself. It’s perception, and perception can fuck right off. If you asked Brian, I know he would say the same thing.”
“She’s right.” Caitlin lays a hand over mine. “You shouldn’t have to choose, Mads. You should get to have both if both is what you want. You can have the great love and the big career, and you’re the only one who gets to decide how those things go together. Don’t tell me the world doesn’t work that way,” she says, holding up a hand when I open my mouth to protest, her face fierce. “This time, when you’re ready, it’s going to work exactly that way. For you, we’re going to make fucking sure of it.”
“Fucking right we are.” Emmy reaches across and takes my other hand. “No one fucks around with our girl. With any of our girls,” she says, looking around at everyone.
“God, I feel like I could run through a wall right now.” Maya reaches for the bag of popcorn on my nightstand and digs in.
“Right?” Sarah grins, stealing the popcorn away from Maya. “Maybe we should just say fuck it and go join a coven or something. Why even are there men anyway? We do just fine on our own.”
Sophie slides a glance in my direction. “I mean, I’m pretty sure Maddy would disagree. What with all the love and fabulous fucking and everything.”
“I’m not in love with him,” I say quickly. Too quickly, probably.
“Okay.” Sophie pats my leg as if to saySure, sweetie. “You might not be in love with him, but that man is head over heels for you. I saw the way he looked at you.”
“Looked at me when?” I think back, trying to remember when Sophie might have seen Cam and me together.
“I was at the game, remember? You walked up to him on the field after his touchdown and handed him your phone for some reason. The cameras were on him, so it was on the jumbotron. He looked at you like you were the only woman in the entireworld. It was so hot I may have had a tiny orgasm. Wait!” She reaches back and grabs her phone from the other side of my bed. “I took a picture of the jumbotron because the game was already over so I figured that shot wouldn’t have made it to TV.”
“You did what?” I ask sharply, dread curling in my stomach at the thought of what everyone might have seen on that jumbotron.
Sophie just gives me an unabashed grin and hands the phone to Maya, whose eyes widen as she looks between the screen and me before silently giving the phone to Emmy. And it goes like that. Each of my friends look at the phone and then stare at me until I’m ten seconds away from shrieking and stomping my foot like a toddler having a tantrum. By the time Caitlin takes the phone and lets out a low whistle, I lose my cool completely.
“Give me the fucking phone!” I order, holding a hand out to Caitlin.
She hands it over without a word, and when I look down, my heart catapults into my throat, because on the screen is a picture of me standing in front of Cam, who is holding my phone. It’s grainy since Sophie took it from the jumbotron, but the look in Cam’s eyes is as clear to me as if he was standing in front of me right now. He’s looking at me like I’m his reason for everything, and I’m starting to believe that he might be mine, too.
“Oh, holy shit,” I mumble, my eyes glued to the screen.
“You called his kids for him, didn’t you?” Sarah asks.
I nod, looking up from the phone. “He told me they weren’t coming to the game. When he scored, I knew it was a huge moment for him, and I thought he might want to talk to them. I have Riley’s number. She texts me sometimes. It’s just…” I pause, collecting my thoughts. “He’s lost a lot. His wife. His kids’ mom. A lifetime of memories they aren’t going to get to make with her. And despite that, he’s an amazing dad, and they are such good kids. I didn’t want them to miss out on making this memory together. All three of them deserve that.”
Caitlin squeezes my hand, and when I look over at her, Iknow she understands. They all do. “You know what it’s like to miss out on making memories,” she says carefully. “You didn’t want that for them.”
I take a deep breath, willing my emotions down, if for no other reason than I already did my makeup and my smoky eye is on point. “I understand what it’s like to be lost, and I also know what it feels like to be found. He’s this amazing guy, you know? He loves his kids so much, and he’s so worried about being enough for them when he’s actually everything. I guess I just wanted to make sure that all three of them had that moment.” I shake my head, trying to get my thoughts in order. “It’s complicated.”
“It’s not,” Maya says. “I swear I’m not minimizing the potential publicity or how you feel about making sure no one thinks you didn’t earn this job on your own merits. Those are really important things, and we’ll handle them. But your feelings about Cam? About his kids? That’s not complicated at all. I can see it all over your face, Mads. You care about all three of them.”
I take a minute to let Maya’s words sink in. Then I think about Cam. The way he looks at me. The way he makes me feel. The way I’m drawn to him. How I have been since the very first night. The way his kids have worked their way into my heart. And I realize Maya is right. That part isn’t complicated at all. “I do. They’re all important to me.” I look at each of my friends. “He’s important to me.”
