Both of them looked at me like I was crazy, but I made them both express how they felt to each other, and after that, shit was okay again. We ate, laughed, and the two of them talked and caught up. I didn’t want any friction between the women in mylife. They say it takes a village to raise a child, and Dimeo was definitely going to be a part of my village.
Two months later, I was still fucked up about what happened to Diamond. I stood on my word and decided not to fuck with Jashawn no more. What he did was an accident, but I just couldn’t get past the fact that he didn’t respect my wishes and was the cause of Diamond’s death. I hoped to one day be able to forgive him; it just wasn’t going to be today. For the most part, Eva and I had a set schedule for when she would have JJ. I wasn’t obligated to let her spend time with him, but being that he was a part of her late daughter, I wanted to do right by her.
After a few weeks of questioning, the detectives just stopped their investigation. I hadn’t heard from nor seen them in over a month, and I was cool with that. No news was good news, or so I’d heard. On the days that JJ was gone with his grandma, Iwould spend time with Journei. Although I said I didn’t want a relationship, she was really there for me in my time of need. She wasn’t the person my heart belonged to, so I couldn’t be all in with her, but I really enjoyed spending together. She cooked me good ass meals a few times a week and fucked me even better. She would go as far as to meal prep for my son and me. That showed a lot about the kind of woman she was. She wanted to be my woman and be a mother figure to my son, but something in my heart wouldn’t let me make things official with her.
I sat on the floor between Journei’s legs, and she massaged my head while she sat on the couch. I was so into the scalp massage that when someone knocked on my door, it startled me. I wasn’t expecting company, so I didn’t know who it could be. Reluctantly, I stood and walked over to the door. When I looked out the peephole, I saw Eva holding JJ with his bags in her hand. She was supposed to keep him for another day or two, so I was confused as to why she just popped up with him, unannounced. As much as I didn’t want Eva to see Journei, I wasn’t about to ask her to hide or go in the back. This was my crib, and I was a grown ass man.
“Hey, Ms. Eva. Is everything okay?” I asked as I slightly opened the front door.
I had half of my body outside, so I wouldn’t have to open the door all the way.
“Yes. Something came up, and I needed to bring JJ home. I can get him back this weekend. Move out the way, so I can put his things in the house,” she said after I grabbed my son from her arms.
“I got it. Don’t even worry about it,” I said before being pushed out of the way.
Eva brushed past me and into my house. She damn near knocked me to the ground when she forced herself inside. She stood frozen in my living room as she stared at Journei sitting onmy couch. She never took her eyes off Journei, but she spoke to me while I stood behind her with my son in my arms.
“My daughter ain’t been gone long enough for you to be disrespecting her like this. All that hurting and faking like you miss her was all an act because here you are playing house with some whore. Where is this whore’s clothes? She’s half-naked, for Christ’s sake. I don’t want her around my grandson, Jakari. I will take him with me and never bring him back if you think I’m a joke. I’m trying to be nice, but this shit is disrespectful, boy!” she spoke through clenched teeth.
Journei frowned as she listened to the insults, but she didn’t say anything. I assumed she understood this was a grieving mother, but I had to set her old ass straight. I didn’t tolerate disrespect from anyone, especially not in my own house.
“I’m not a boy, first off. Secondly, you popped up here unannounced. Had you called or texted first, I would have made sure you didn’t have to see me with another woman today. I loved Diamond as the mother of my son, and she did a damn good job, but she was never my woman. I want to keep a good relationship with you for the sake of my son, but you have to respect me, my home, and my company when you come over here. I’m not going to stop having company in my own home to appease you. As long as JJ is happy and unharmed, you should have no other concerns when it comes to me. I’m so sorry that you are hurting, but you will not take your hurt out on me. Until we get some understanding, I’m going to keep my son at home with me. I will allow you to see him again when you learn to respect me as a man and as his father,” I said.
“Lil ass boy, I will have you knocked off in broad daylight if you ever think you are going to take that baby away from me. I’m helping you, you ungrateful ass nigga, and all I ask is that you respect my grandson. You can’t do this shit by yourself. I come and give you a break because you don’t know what thefuck you’re doing. Diamond was the one who did everything for that baby. All you did was sent a few dollars every month. If you want me to file for custody, try me! All your dirty laundry will be out on the table. Even shit that you think I don’t know, I know it! Now, have a good day. I’ll be here to get my grandson this weekend. Try to keep your whores at a distance until then,” Eva spat.
Before she left, she gave Journei another cold look, and it was as if she knew her or something.
When she left, Journei immediately voiced how she felt. Not to disregard her feelings, but I really didn’t want to hear the bullshit. This lady had just come and fucked up my day. I asked Journei to not discuss grown people's issues in front of my son, and I told her that we would talk later. I could tell she wasn’t feeling that, but oh well.
I asked JJ what he had been doing and caught up with him. He hugged Journei and wanted to be under her, like he had a bond with her already. JJ had been gone for a minute, so I wanted him to spend all his time with me, but he was a ladies’ man. We chilled and watched cartoons for a minute, but that was short lived because he soon ran to his room to play with his toys. I felt the mood shift between Journei and me, but I had so much shit on my plate that I didn’t care about her being upset.
“Now that the baby is in his room, can we talk?” she asked.
“Go on and say what you want to say. After this, I can’t afford to hear shit else stressful. Do you know what all I’m dealing with right now? I’m sorry that woman came over here tripping, but that’s out of my control. You see I checked her ass.”
I sat down on the couch beside Journei, so I could give her my attention. My arm was leaning on the side of the couch when Journei’s phone vibrated underneath me. I grabbed it to hand it to her but caught a quick glimpse of a text message she had received from an unsaved number.
Unknown number: I hope you haven’t really fallen for this nigga for real. You are not answering calls or texts but over his house against the plans.
I passed her the phone and looked at her facial expression while she read that text. Her face didn’t change, but she hurriedly put her phone away. I was a little confused about the text and what it meant. Journei wasn’t my girl, so I wasn’t going to question her about it. Hell, I hoped she wasn’t falling for me either because I knew I wasn’t ready for all that.
“I really like you, J, and the more we spend time together, the more I know that I want you in my life. I really don’t like what just happened, but like you said, that was out of your control. Just take a chance to really fuck with me and let me be your support system. Every real nigga needs a backbone, and I wanna be that,” she expressed.
“You know I’m not looking for anything right now, but I really do fuck with you. I’m dealing with a tragic loss while figuring this single father shit out, on top of still getting over my last breakup. I really don’t have time for anything serious. You deserve a nigga that’s gon’ give you everything you want, title included, and be all in. That nigga is just not me right now.” I explained honestly.
“I understand everything that you’re dealing with, and I don’t want you to go through it alone. Title or no title, I’m going to be here until you tell me that you are ready for something more.”
Journei grabbed my hand and looked into my eyes. I wanted to believe she was genuine, but something kept tugging at me. The sex was good, she cooked and cleaned my house for me and was a good ass listener. She was the only person I was giving any time to at all, so it almost felt like we were together already. I hadmy guard up these days because, lately, crazy and unexpected shit had been happening around me.
It was crazy how women were begging to settle down with me, but the one person I wanted was pregnant and in love with another nigga. The same nigga who shot my potna took my work and money, kidnapped my son and baby momma amongst a slew of other shit. I chuckled as I thought of how fucked up life was. Journei thought I was laughing at her expressing herself to me, but only if she knew.
I chilled with Journei for another hour, then I told her that I would call her later. I wanted to spend time with my son, and I wasn’t ready to have overnight company around him just yet. That was something I had never done. I knew that getting adjusted to living without his momma was hard and confusing, and I didn’t want to further complicate things. I went into JJ’s room and lay across his bed while I watched him build things with his blocks. He told me that his GiGi was going to see his mommy. I didn’t have the heart to tell him any different, so I just let him continue talking.
Since JJ turned three, he was now a talking machine. He never got tired of running his mouth, and in a way, I was thankful for that. If someone yelled at him or spanked him, he was definitely going to run home and tell me.
When it was time to wind down, I gave JJ a bath. I let him get into my bed and watch cartoons until he fell asleep. It was something about Diamond passing away that made me want to hold onto him a little tighter. Normally, I didn’t allow him to sleep with me much because he was a big boy, but these days, I really didn’t mind. The next morning, I woke him up early to get him ready to run errands with me. I needed to check on Keith and see how everything was going, then I needed to re-up on snacks, Lunchables, juice, and other shit that my son liked.
I pulled up to Keith’s crib and let my son out of the car. Keith had his dogs in the yard, so JJ’s bad ass ran right up to them and started petting them. This was the only lil’ bitty ass nigga I knew who wasn’t scared of shit. When Keith saw us outside, he came out and greeted us. Since I hadn’t been getting my hands dirty lately, I had Keith running everything. He had also started bringing the bread home, so I could pick it up there instead of going directly to the trap. I was really trying to transition off these streets; I just didn’t know what I wanted to do with myself yet. The streets were all I knew for real.
