“You do?”
“I do. And let me assure you that once we give this a go, there will be no messing it up. We’re endgame, Daisy. You and me. That’s how this ends.”
Lying here in the dark, I feel the trajectory of my life shifting. I’ve never been so afraid of anything as I am of losing Owen Swift.
My stomach flutters. My heart races. But I continue. “The girls understood my concern. Mia said she worried about the same thing with Gus, but when you know, you know.”
“And do you know?”
Pretending I don’t hear his question, I carry on. “But it’s more than that. What I didn’t tell the girls is that I’m not the woman who gets her forever with her dream man. Like I told you before, I’m not the serious option. I’m fun, but I’m not the one you settle down and have a family with.”
“Bullshit. Where does the garbage in your head come from?”
I guess it’s my turn to tell a bedtime story. One I’ve never shared with anyone.
“Remember that guy Kenny I dated during most of college?”
“Sure.”
“Well, the only reason you and I hooked up that night was because he dumped me. I thought the two of us would stay together after school and eventually get married. It was a no-brainer for me. For him, not so much. It was the end of the year, and he was helping me pack up my apartment. I made some comment about our plans to see each other over the summer, and he looked at me like I was a cute yet deranged little puppy. He said that he had had a lot of fun with me, but that was all it was. He could never bring a party girl like me home to his mom. What we had in college was fun, but it was never anything serious. I found out later that he had a habit of hooking up with other girls on the nights I wasn’t around.”
“Any man lucky enough to have your love would be the envy of the world, Daisy. He was an idiot.”
Sharing with him is one thing; acknowledging his tender words is too much right now. I hear them all, but I’m too emotional to accept them.
“The thing is, I didn’t love him. I was just doing what I thought people did. Meet in college, get married, and so on. So, I didn’t care that he didn’t love me. What really bothered me was that I wasn’t a party girl. Sure, I had fun like everyone else away at college does, but I was serious about my studies. I made the dean’s list every semester. Kenny was the only guy I dated, and I never messed around on him. Did I like to drink and dance and have fun with my friends? Sure? I doubted myself for a while and fell into a bit of a depression. Then one-day I snapped out of it and figured if that’s what people thought of me why not lean into it and have some fun?”
He scoots closer, resting his hand on my hip and placing a kiss on my forehead. “You are everything, Daisy McKinnon. Never doubt yourself.”
This man and his words. My heart is his, so why can’t I tell him that?
“The night he told me what he thought of me, we had sex. I didn’t want to, and I said no, but he wore me down because I was in my head and caved. I let him control the situation. Control me.”
Owen stiffens next to me. I’m not explaining myself properly. God, why is this so hard?
“It wasn’t like that. He didn’t force me into anything, but it was all about him. His pleasure. It had always been about his pleasure. He didn’t even notice that I just laid there and was clearly not into it. He was rough and uncaring, but I let him treat me that way. I hadn’t really thought about it until I heard you say I took control. I think subconsciously I’ve needed to be in control of my body and my heart since that night. And our first time in Mia’s closet, I wanted it to be aboutmypleasure. That mayhave been selfish of me, but I had never experienced sex withmypleasure in mind.”
“I’m glad it was me you chose.”
“Me too.”
“You were only like that our first time together.”
I reach to touch his beautiful face. “I’m different with you. You’re the only one I trust enough to relinquish my control to.”
Because I’m in love with you.
“Kenny was the first of many to tell me the same thing. I’ve never dated a man who wanted to take things to the next level. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told, well, this was fun, but we both knew it wasn’t serious. Owen, somehow, I’ve become the fun girl you don’t take home to meet your family. What happens when I stop being fun? What if you get bored with me? Do we risk our family dynamic for a good time that will eventually end?”
“You have lost your grasp on reality if you think the two of us together could ever get boring.”
I smile at his confidence. “You can’t be sure of that.”
“But I am. And so are you. You’re just too scared to admit it. And that’s okay... for now. Your concussion is buying you some time. But once you’re medically cleared, you’ll be out of excuses, and I’ll be here ready when you are. I’m stuck, remember? Now close your eyes and get some sleep.”
“So bossy.”
“Just like you like me.”
