“No shit?”
“No shit. But it turned out to mean something after all, because it happens every time. I may have made it up in the moment, but you have to admit it’s crazy how the clock alignswhenever we’re together. It’s our thing now. Like the universe has been giving us a sign all these years.”
Goosebumps break out all over my body. Not sure how to reply, I say, “Keep reading.”
“Now who’s the bossy one?”
My focus is back on the ceiling; I need to hear more. I need to hear everything. “Do as you're told.”
He lets out a low chuckle and continues. “How we got there doesn’t matter, because that first kiss was a problem. Because it was the hottest of my life. Hell, the entire experience was the hottest experience of my life. I may have initiated it, but she took control from there. She knew what she wanted, and she fucking took it. She ripped my shirt over my head, shoved me to the closet floor, and yanked her spaghetti straps off her shoulders. It was like everything was in slow motion when her short summer dress fell to the ground, and I was screwed. She was standing above me in nothing but her panties. She fucking titmatized me. Once she bared herself to me, there was no going back.”
I bark out a laugh. “I titmatized you? You are so stupid.”
“Well, it’s true. Your tits are a thing of beauty, and they mesmerized me. Hence, titmatized.”
“I’m glad you approve,” I say shyly. Which is strange, because I’m never shy around Owen. This is a lot, though. I feel incredibly vulnerable, even though he’s the one baring his soul.
“You know I love your body, baby. Always have. Always will. Now be a good girl and quit interrupting story time.”
His wink says he knows exactly what hisbabyandgood girlare doing to me. It’s cruel since he has no intention of repeating our night on Mia’s closet floor.
“The way she shimmied out of her panties was sexier than any stripper on a pole. She oozed sex. My skin tingled everywhere her fingertips touched me. When her tongue teased the tip of my cock, I thought I’d died and gone to heaven. Butthen she straddled me and slid onto my cock, and I knew I was wrong. She was heaven right here on earth. Watching her lost in the moment, feeling her clench around me… I’ll never be the same. I. Am. Good. As. Ruined. Nothing has ever felt so perfect and, for some strange reason, I think nothing ever will. What the fuck, Swift? What the hell do you do now?”
He closes the journal, setting it and his glasses on the bedside table before turning off the light, leaving us in darkness.
I’m shaking from the inside out. I have so many questions. So many fears. So many damn feelings. He’s earned my vulnerability and deserves a response, but where do I even start?
Of course, he’s the adult in this equation and speaks before I do. “I didn’t know then what this thing between us was. It felt right to be with you, and over the years I took advantage of any opportunity for the two of us to get together. But it wasn’t until Hawaii… Wait, that’s not true. I knew in L.A., but didn’t admit it to myself until Maui.”
He hasn’t said the word, but the implications are clear. My heart is a puddle. It’s time for me to give a little. I adjust myself on my side so I can see him. He shadows me and we lock eyes, finding each other in the dark like we always do.
“Tonight, when I told the girls about our history, it felt like they finally knew the real me.”
His face softens, before he shifts to push my hair behind my ear like he always does.
“Those girls know me better than almost anyone.” I don’t mention that only he and my mom know me better. “And yet, I hadn’t told them about something so big. So important to me. They weren’t aware of many of the happiest moments of my life. How could they really know me if they didn’t know about us?”
“They couldn’t.”
He’s right. And to see the shock and confusion on their faces hit me like I didn’t expect. They were sweet and excited.There was no judgment, but my need to defend Owen had been instinctual. I needed them to know that though I’ve been pushing down my feelings for years, he hadn’t. I made it clear he had wanted more, and I was the one holding back.
I didn’t equate any meaningful four-letter words to what Owen and I share, but I did admit that I felt more with him than I ever had with anyone else. I also told them how incredible the sex was. This was not a shock to them. They figured as much. I don’t dare mention this part of the conversation to him, though. He has a big enough head, and girl talk is not for him.
“It’s rare that I surprise those girls, and even though Ryan and Knox have had their suspicions for a while, she was still blown away it had been going on for so long. None of them said it was a bad idea. None of them said it wouldn’t work. They did say my brother would get over it. The only thing they questioned was what was wrong with me? Why wasn’t I meeting you where you were?”
“I knew I loved those girls.”
“Of course, they are one-hundred percent Team Owen.”
“That’s good to hear.”
“I tried to blame Cal at first, and they called me on my bullshit. So, I told them the truth. Well, part of the truth.”
“And that is?”
“What if this goes wrong? You are part of my family. If I mess this up and we don’t last, then what? You can never stop coming to Sunday dinner. You will always be there. Is the two of us trying to make this work worth risking that?”
“I think it is.”
