‘Were you just going to lie to yourself, pretend it never happened?’ He’s baiting me, but there’s something earnest in the way the slash of his brows are drawing together, in the purse of his lips.
‘It was a mistake,’ I mutter, heat flooding my cheeks. ‘Call it survivor relief – some kind of madness.’ I clear my throat. ‘And if we’re talking about lying, you’re the one who’s got explaining to do.’
A muscle ticks in his jaw. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I know.’ I enunciate the words slowly, eyes drifting to his torc. ‘I know what you are, Blayze Arcuri. Why you wear that collar.’
He staggers against the open door. Now he’s the one unable to look at me. ‘How?’
‘Tansy told Maris to remove it while you lay unconscious. To help you breathe.’
His eyes grow wide, desperate. ‘Do the others—’
‘I don’t think so. No one’s said anything, and I put it back on, once you were out of danger.’
Blayze exhales. His self-loathing is so evident, it makes me bristle. Who is Blayze to sit in judgement of me? But then I remember the secrets I’m keeping, and the fury winks out, replaced by the sour writhe of guilt. Looping my fingers through the straps of my pack, I straighten my spine.
‘Don’t worry, Clanschief. Your secret’s safe with me.’
‘I—’
‘We’d best be going, don’t you think?’ I go to push past him, but he places a hand on my waist, restraining me.
‘You’re sure it was a mistake?’ Warm lips brush the shell of my ear.
I shiver and turn to face him, expecting to see that mocking smile again. But his expression is… pained. Mere inches separate us now.
Too little. Too much.
‘Maris…’ I croak, voice embarrassingly husky. I say her name as much to remind myself, as him. I can’t betray her again. I won’t.
He shrugs. ‘What she and I had was only a bit of fun.’
I step away from him. ‘Things change. People change.’
‘Have you changed your mind about Astrophel, then? Is that it?’
I open my mouth. Close it again. Yes – no. I don’t know. This near to him, I can only think of Blayze. He eclipses everyone else.
‘I know you feel it,’ he says, when I don’t reply. ‘You kissed me back, Sparkles.’
‘It’s the pull of the brandmagic.’ I push against his hand, try to strain past him. ‘That’s all it is. All it ever was.’
He leans in closer. ‘Fine, deny it if you want to.’
I’m afraid to move, afraid of how badly I want to close the gap between us, to feel his lips on mine again. When I take my next breath, it’s ragged as the fraying ribbon I lost to the ice.
Blayze cocks his brow. ‘I knew it. I can always tell when someone wants me.’
Starshine itches my palms. Oh, I want him all right, I want to slap him. ‘The women in Oralia must be less picky in their bed-mates. I do not—’
A dangerous glint lights his eyes. ‘Who said it’s always women, Sparkles? And I assure you, anyone who’s ever visited my bed came there willingly, and left more than satisfied. I was never lonely in the pit. Not in that way.’ He pauses, swallows. ‘You think I want to feel this way about you? A spoilt, stuck-up Starspawn? It would be easier to go back to hating you. Don’t think I haven’t tried.’ He shakes his head, a bitter smile curving his lips. ‘You’re right. That lightning must have addled my brain. What sane man would choose you over Maris?’
My breath catches low in my throat.
‘I didn’t mean that,’ he says quickly, sagging against the doorway again. He stares at the floor, the fire in his eyes doused, replaced by the anguished expression they radiate every time brandmagic is mentioned.
Silence unspools between us.
