Spinning around, Amelia is wide awake.
“Do you have anything in mind?” I ask, crossing the room and sitting on the edge of her bed.
“I was thinking we should name her after our grandmothers.”
My heart swells and it reinstates how deep she is. Someone like Clare would probably name their kid with a stripper’s name or some shit.
“What’s your grandmother called?”
“Elsa.”
“Elsa-Marie.”
“Elsa-Marie Madden.”
I shouldn’t be surprised to hear her give our daughter my name but I am. I should’ve known better.
Amelia, as much as I’ve hurt her, still does the right thing.
“It’s perfect… just like her.”
She holds her arms out and I pass her over and watch the love shining in her eyes as she stares down at what we’ve created.
“You always say we come from two different worlds, but she’s a mix of both. How can she be so perfect when we can’t even get our shit together?” she murmurs.
“Perhaps she’s the exception.”
“I don’t she think she is. I think we are.”
Sighing softly, I frown. “Amelia. This doesn’t change anything.”
“One day you’re going to regret this, and it will be something you’ll have to live with, that can never be changed. We’ll not get this time back.”
Fuck, she’s making this so hard.
“You’re overwhelmed and tired, you’re not thinking straight. You know this would never work.”
“Don’t patronise me. We have a daughter now, no matter what’s happened in the last few months, we had something real. We both felt it. We were both prepared to fall. You’re the only one who believes it couldn’t work. I love you, Darius, and I would happily fall if you were at my side.”
Reaching out, I run the backs of my knuckles down her cheek. I’ve seen a future with us together. It felt fantastic until reality set in.
“I’d rather you be pissed off with me now, slowly getting over it and coming to see it was right to be apart, than you grow to hate me because I’m not who you deserve. We’ll always share her, but that’s all I can offer you.”
“Answer me this and I’ll never mention it again.” I nod and she continues. “When she’s bigger, you want your time with her at your place.”
“Yes,” I confirm.
“Then how could you bring her into your world being she’s the most important part of you now, but not me?”
For a moment I’m stuck for words.
“It’s different.”
“How?”
“With you, you’d be at my side, out in clear danger. With her, she’ll never be around Tariq’s or the places my line of business takes me.”
I’m not explaining this right, but in my world, kids are off limits. Everyone knowing that if an innocent child was caught in the middle of our fight, it would no longer be a fight, but a bloody war no one wants. The fight for control of the streets is much different to that of cold violent vengeance of the death of a child.
