“What are you going to do? I mean, you fucked her off. The kid could have everything we only dreamed of. You’re far from stupid, Dar, our lives are dangerous and crazy, and that’s just us trying to survive.”
He has a point but even in our worst times, having someone who loves you and would protect you is priceless.
“I don’t doubt the kid would have everything, but it wouldn’t have a dad, would it.”
I know personally what it’s like not to have a dad around, even though he was an asshole of the highest degree, it didn’t stop the jealousy knowing other kids had dads that came home every night, worked jobs so they could eat and have nice things. They had men in their lives that would die to protect them. I’m not entirely happy having a kid under these circumstances but I sure as shit know I’m going to be the dad other kids would kill to have.
“In time she’d meet someone, the kid would have someone to call dad.”
A deeper anger than when Clare told me Amelia was pregnant gnaws at me and I know right now, that’ll never happen. My kid will never call anyone else dad.
“I don’t know how it’s going to work, but I’m not bailing on my kid.”
“What about the lamb? Does it change anything between you two?”
Inhaling deeply, I reply, “I told her we don’t need to be together to have this baby and that’s the way it’s got to be.”
I’ll only end up hurting her one way or another and I can’t live with that.
“I’m out. I’ll catch up with you in the morning.”
Pounding my fist to his, I make my way up the street to my house. The night is quiet, but my thoughts are loud.
Most people my age have a kid or two, some they take care of and some they bail on. Some don’t see having kids as a life-changing event in their lives, but I always have. Having a kid is your sole priority and now my responsibilities have shifted.
Ma is the only one still up and I fall onto the couch beside her. There’s no point prolonging sharing the news with her.
“Amelia’s pregnant.”
She doesn’t speak and her hands still as she matches socks from the laundry basket between her feet.
“Ma? You hear me?”
“I wish I couldn’t.”
Biting the tip of my tongue, I don’t want to say something I may come to regret later.
“I bet that’s why she was here last week.”
Sitting forward, she has my full attention.
“She came to the house?”
“Yeah, she wanted to see you, but you weren’t here.”
I have no right to be angry with Amelia for not telling me, she fucking tried. Twice.
“Is she keeping it?”
“Yeah.”
“And you? How do you feel about it?”
“No point in looking back, it is what it is, and I’ve gotta deal with it.”
“So what’s the plan? You and her going to make it work? What?”
“We got seven months to work it out.”
