God, I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
The worst part isn’t the silence. It’s knowingIdid this. I took something wild and good andrareand I crushed it in my fist because I was too fucking scared to try to hold it gently.
Florence would be so disappointed in me.
The thought makes my chest ache in a way no amount of time in the gym can fix.
And after I held her. Tasted her. Let myself feel things I didn't even know I was capable of feeling.Fuck.
I drop my head against the tile hard enough that the ache rattles down my spine and through my jaw where my tooth is still trying to replant itself. I do it again and then once more until my thoughts come clearer and the image of her is finally fucking cast out.
Slipping into a pair of swim shorts afterward, I reach for a shirt, but shut the drawer instead. I've got a massive pump from my workout. Would be a shame to cover it up.
The marble bust of Epicurus, or what's left of it after Aurora threw the fucking thing at me, stares at me from its perch atop the pedestal by the door. Even with only one remaining eye, the thing judges me.
"What? It's hot out."
As I stalk past, I twist Epicurus's busted-ass face to the wall, sick of its shit.
I should throw it out, but I can't seem to do it. It's masochistic as fuck, but I know I deserve it. I should have to look at it every night and every morning until I can win her back.
When I head up to gather everything I need for the barbecue onto a tray, Eleven's paws click over the tile into the kitchen.
"Hey, girl." I set the sauce down and bend to greet her, giving the scruff of her neck a good scratch. "You want some more duck liver? Yeah, 'course you do."
I rise and grab the bag from the cupboard above the fridge, pulling out two pieces of freeze-dried liver for her. She fucking loves the stuff, but I'm careful to only give her a little at a time.
I don't want Ellie to get sick and I'm pretty damn sure Aurora would kill me if she did. I don't need to give her any more reason to hate me.
"Ready, sit—" Before the words are even out of my mouth, Ellie sits, lifts a paw, and rolls over all in record time. She knows the drill. I'll have to teach her a new trick soon, but I hardly see her these days.
I give her the second treat, scratching the top of her head as she inhales it without chewing. "Where's your mom, hmm?"
As I ask it, I hear her coming down the hall and stiffen. Ellie licks my face, giving a little whine because I stopped petting her. "I know, girl," I mutter, giving her one last good scratch as Aurora strides into the kitchen.
I clear my throat and avert my gaze, but not before I've seen the simple black bikini top and light-wash shorts she hasunbuttoned and folded over at the waistband. Her hair is a glossy brown so dark it's nearly black, falling in lazy waves over her shoulders and around her face.
Fuck.
She looks good. Too good.
Did she always look this good?
Sev says I'm crazy for thinking it, but I swear she's doing it to torment me. Flaunting her body through the house. Making no secret of what she does in Eli's and Sev's rooms almost every night. Not even trying to be quiet about it.
I turn away before she can catch me staring and choke back a thousand things I want to say when she brushes past me like I'm not even here. Aurora opens the fridge to pull out a container of cut-up fruit and a Gatorade while I step out of her way.
I note how her eyes snag on the steaks and vegetables on the counter, but they don't linger there.
It's still not good enough to tempt her.
Ellie jumps up onto my thighs for another pat, but Aurora calls her away with a stern, "Come, Ellie," as she makes her way to the back door.
Ellie lets out a little bark of protest, pushing her head into my hand.
Aurora turns to look at her, but not at me. Never at me.
"Ellie," she warns, and I give the pup one last good scratch, and lift her paws from my legs to set them back on the floor.
