He drops his gaze from me, thinking. "Perhaps there is something I remember."
I resist the urge to grab him and rattle the answers from his mind. "What is it?"
His lips part, twitch. "I think…I think I did something. Something wrong. It—it had a great cost. I lost something important, but I don't know what."
I hide my disappointment, forcing even breaths and more patience.
I need more patience.
"Have you ever done something like that?" he asks. "Is that why you're so sad?"
A heavy stone drops in my stomach.
"Yes," I admit, holding back the growing sensation in my chest where that gaping fucking hole keeps getting bigger and bigger. "We tried to do something…" I trail off, lifting my hands to cover my mouth as I sigh into them.
"Do what?"
I blink away the stinging in my eyes.
"We tried to do something to put things right for my—my…family. "
We really fucking tried.
I clutch my chest, wondering if the hole there is like my father's darkness. Maybe it'll swallow me up, too.
"We were so close…" I whisper. "We almost had our vengeance—the vengeance we areowed. We could've, if I were stronger."
Ellie whines, coming to nudge my knees with her nose.
"I see," my father says. "And what did your vengeance cost you?"
Oh god…
My hands shake on my lap, and I can't breathe.
She's gone.
I lost her.
I can't…
I.Can't.
A sob breaks free from the empty cavern of my chest.
"Everything," I cry.
I gasp, choking on the sobs stuck in my throat.
"It cost us everything, Dad."
I drop my face into my hands, powerless against the wave of reality that finally crashes over me, dragging me down to a place where there is no air. No light. Noher.
"Fuck."
"Elijah?"
The sobs rack my body, and I can't do this.
