‘I told him,that I didn’t want to see him again.’
‘Really? At your own birthday?’
‘Yes, really. Me and Maximus Pratticus are no more.’ She gave a half-smile. ‘And now I’m single. Fuckingagain.’
‘Clodagh… remember? Youlikebeing single,’ I said, arranging my face into one of concern but inside I was relieved that Clodagh was no longer saddled with the man called Pratt. I glanced over at Red again, heand Bridget were now deep in conversation.
‘Just give me time, that’s all,’ Clodagh was saying. ‘A day or two and I’ll remember. But for now, let me get a little bit maudlin.’
‘Okay. Go ahead. You’ve got 48 hours starting now.’
‘Right.’ She sucked in air, and focussed her mind. ‘It’s really not fair. I’ve worked my arse off all these years, but here I am aged…’ she dropped her voice to a rasp…‘forty-fecking-two… and what do I have to show for it? A career that is being threatened by a pneumatic weather girl with dodgy knees and a man who would rather spend his evenings at home than with me at my party. Surely I can do better than this?’
‘You can do whatever you put your mind to…’
‘I’m thinking of an ashram, in India.’ Clodagh was warming to her theme. ‘Or maybe running a nice littleB & B in the foothills of somewhere. They always have to be foothills, don’t they?’
‘I don’t even know what a foothill is,’ I said.
‘I think it involves a hill, anyway,’ said Clodagh confidently. ‘And a foot.’ And we both laughed. But then she wiped away a tear. ‘So my brief encounter is over,’ she said. ’Appropriate, him being so short.’
‘Clodes, don’t cry… please don’t cry.’ This wasn’t theglamourous 40thbirthday party either of us has imagined, Clodagh in tears, me bewildered and bothered by Red.
‘It’s the champagne,’ she said. ‘I’m the only person in the world on whom it doesn’t have an effervescent effect.’
‘And the tequila,’ I said. ‘This is what it does. It makes people who aren’t natural criers, who stay stony faced atThe Color PurpleorIt’s A Wonderful Life, into cry-babies.’
‘I did cry at both those films,’ she said. ‘But Max is neither a smiler nor a crier. He didn’t cry once at Dunkirk. The whole cinema was in floods and he was calm and collected. I think he might have been supporting theother side.’
I laughed.
‘I’ll have to carry on being nice to him,’ she went on. ‘My contract is up at the end of the month so I have to be professional and charming. When whatI really want to do is set fire to his balls.’
‘Are they flammable then?’
‘When I finish with them, they will be. But what about Red. He looks cosy with old Bridget… are you okay with that? How are you? You never say anything!’ she said. ‘How awkward is it, really? And don’t give me that everything’s fine, it’s not weird at all. Because it must be. And I shouldn’t have invited him tonight. I’msorry.’
We both looked over at Red and Bridget, still talking. Well, she was anyway. His back was to us.
‘It’s weird and awkward and… the same,’ I admitted. ‘I still feel the same.’
‘Good God no! You mean that you still, you know… still love him?’
‘Yeah,’ I nodded, resigned. ‘So it’s horrible. Can’t wait for the term to be over actually. And then I might never see him again except for briefencounters on the pier or whatever.’
‘Oh Tab,’ she said, hugging me. ‘I’m so sorry.’
‘I’m fine, I’m more worried about Rosie doing her exams, you know?’
‘So, why aren’t you crying?’ she said. ‘You’re drinking it too. Maybe you need another shot. A pint! A pint of tequila.’
‘I don’t know,’ I said. ‘I should be. Because I’m not happy.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I’m not happy. Not really. Okay,so you make me happy. And my job. And Rosie is the best thing ever, but I’m not happy, not really, not deeply. Something’s missing.’
‘Tell me about it.’ Clodagh signalled for two more tequilas.
