“I’m only going to bring this up once. And before I say anything, know I’m only doing this because I love you.”
“Okay... ,” I said, wondering what I’d done that Nina needed to have this big talk with me.
“I know I’ve teased you a lot about Alex,” she said. “And it was a joke at first, but I think there may be somethingmorebetween you two.”
Nina paused, her eyes hesitant, and I examined the rolls of toilet paper on my right. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“Really, Jo? You have no idea?”
Of course I knew where she was going with this, she’d been teasing me about it all summer. But that was a joke, like she’d said. I didn’t like this serious version of Nina. What did she expect me to say?
Nina looked me up and down, then grabbed a second roll of paper towels. “You’re both clearly into each other.”
“You’re seeing things,” I said. “He told us he doesn’t date. And even if he did, you’ve got the wrong girl. If he’s so into me, why was he so interested in you coming to the Zefron-a-thon, huh? Maybe you’re projectingyourfeelings onto me.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. You know I’d never date someone who drives a minivan. I can’t tell you why he cared so much about me tagging along. What I do know is he can’t take his eyes off you. You know what he talks about when I’m on service? You. And I hate to break it to you, Jo, but you’ve been sending out some strong signals too. And I know—”
I laughed. “Now who’s being ridiculous? The onlysignalsI’m familiar with are the deckhands’ arm signals for anchoring, not exactlyseductive.” I swung my arm right, then left, then above my head. “See? I’m not even good at them.”
“Can you stop joking around for a minute and let me finish?”
I let my arm drop to my side. “Fine, go ahead.”
“You say you’re done with love. And if you truly want to be single forever, that’s fine. I support that. It’s me, after all. But I don’t think you really want to be alone. I think you’re scared. And I know Alex says he isn’t into relationships, but I’m not so sure that’s a hard-and-fast rule.”
I stared at her. Okay, sure, I wasattractedto Alex. According to Greyson, many women were. But that didn’t change anything. “We’re justfriends,” I said. “Good friends. And I’m not scared. Or alone. I have you, don’t I?”
“You know what I mean.” Nina grabbed my hand, her expression so sincere I had to look away. “I normally wouldn’t butt into your love life, you know that. But Alex isn’t like Peter. Whatever’s between you two is... different.”
“You’re right. Because we’re justfriends. I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but this is ridiculous.”
“Is it? Because every time you’re around him you’re laughing. I don’t remember that with Peter. And if youdohave feelings for Alex, I think you should give it a shot. I know it’s scary to bring someone into your life when nothing’s guaranteed. I know Peter really fucked you up, and you’ve lost so much already—your dad, Samson—”
“Nina, stop.” I pulled my hand from hers. “Just leave me alone, okay?” Talking about Shitty Peter was bad enough, but she’d gone too far bringing up Dad and Samson. Blood rushed in my ears, drowning out the pop music playing softly overhead.
Between Nina’s unicorn earrings, the sequined fanny pack, the sassy mom tee, and the smell of vomit in my hair, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to laugh or scream. Nina nodded and walked down the aisle away from me and out of sight.
Fine, leave, then, I thought. I found the snack and beverage aisle, mybreathing shallow and fast. Suddenly, everything in this CVS reminded me of Samson. The Mountain Dew Code Red Beth wouldn’t let him drink, but which I kept stocked in my fridge whenever he came to visit. The sweet-chili-flavored Doritos the girls didn’t like, but he did. Samson, who should be here tonight, jumping out from behind one of those ridiculous statues at Coral Castle to scare his sisters. I wrenched open a refrigerator door and grabbed as many water bottles as I could carry. I needed to get out of here as quickly as possible, whether or not Nina came with me.
I made my way to the registers, spotting Nina’s dark ponytail flicking behind her. At the sight of her, my anger dissipated. How had my night gone from singing Beyoncé to fighting with my best friend in a CVS? She was only trying to help. And was she really wrong? About my feelings for Alex anyway?
Nina set the paper towels on the counter along with a car air freshener, some Lysol wipes, and a box of trash bags. When I caught up to her, I dumped the water bottles beside the other items. “I’m sorry.”
Nina looked at me, and I was relieved to see she wasn’t angry, only sad. “Me too.”
We paid for our items, quiet until we left the CVS and started the walk back to Coral Castle. The night was growing darker around us. Streetlamps kicked on, flooding the sidewalk in yellow light.
“I’m sorry for getting so upset,” I said.
“I shouldn’t have pushed.”
I kept my eyes on the sidewalk, counting the cracks as we walked. “It’s only... I don’t know how I feel about anything right now. Not really. I haven’t let myself think about Alex in that way because it feels wrong. Not thathefeels wrong. I can’t go falling in love, or whatever, when Beth is...” I shook my head, unable to finish the thought. “I’m not making sense, am I?”
“You’re making sense. But do you really think your sister would be upset about you having something good in your life?”
“I don’t know.”
“I think you do.”
