Ollie, seeming to realize what he’d done, pulled away and shoved both his hands between his thighs. “What do your parents think about your retirement?”
I shrugged. “They probably think the same thing everyone else does.”
“Which is?”
I let out a bitter laugh. “My mother is an Olympic silver medalist.My father, a highly respected coach. And then there’s me: the one who tookbreak a legseriously.”
Ollie looked at me but didn’t say anything.
“Bad joke.” I sighed. “The point is, I’m a disappointment.”
“Andeveryonethinks that?”
“I obviously can’t readeveryone’smind, but I imagine that’s what most people think. It’s whatIthink.”
“Well, Neen,” Ollie said, “I can tell you with one hundred percent certainty not everyone thinks that.”
“How would you know?”
“Not that it matters what I think, but as someone who really is a family disappointment, you don’t seem like one to me. It sounds like you’ve had a lot more success than failure, and you’ve sure as hell had more success than most people. I don’t know your parents, but I can’t imagine they’re disappointed in you.”
“Maybe,” I said. “What makes you the family disappointment?”
“Oh Jesus, a lot of things.”
I waited for him to explain, but he didn’t, so I figured it was better not to ask.
“To tell you the truth,” I said, “I was sort of relieved when I decided to retire. I love gymnastics. You don’t go through that sort of training if you don’t. But the longer I’m away, the more I wonder ifcompetingwas what I really wanted. Did I really want gymnastics to be my entire life? Was I doing it for me or for my parents? Not that they forced me into it or anything. I used to feel so... grateful to them.”
“And now you don’t?”
I traced circles on the teak with my finger. “I don’t know.” Other than sending an occasional text to tell my parents I was alive, I hadn’t spoken to them since leaving Palm Beach. Part of me had hoped leaving home would give me clarity about what to do or how to feel. But the time and distance had only confused me more.
Suddenly I found myself on the verge of tears. “Oh hell,” I said. I dabbed at my eyes with my shirt. “This is why I don’t drink whiskey, you know. I’m more of a tequila girl.”
“You all right?”
“I’m fine. It’s just... Well, to tell you the truth, I’ve had a falling-out with my parents. It’s not even about the gymnastics stuff.” I didn’t know if it was the exhaustion, or the alcohol, or if it was something about Ollie I hadn’t yet identified, but I couldn’t shut my mouth and breeze past the subject like I usually did. “My father stole my identity.” At Ollie’s widened eyes, I continued. “He has a gambling addiction, and I... well, I had no idea. For years he’d been taking out loans in my name. He defaulted on them, of course, and it’s totally fucked up my life. I’m in so much debt I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to pay it back. I can’t get an apartment. Or a car. I’ve got nothing. Except bills,” I said. “I have plenty of those.”
“That’s... fuck, that’s brutal,” he said.
“Yeah,” I said, rubbing at my bad knee again. “When I retired from gymnastics, I started looking for my own place, but no one would approve me because my credit was abysmal. It didn’t make any sense. I didn’t have any student debt. I never carried a balance on my credit card. So I did some digging and found out someone had been taking out payday loans and credit cards in my name, but I never thought...” I let out a slow breath to keep the tears at bay. “I used to be close with my parents, especially my dad. As you can imagine, that is no longer true.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It is what it is,” I said. I tapped my fingers along the whiskey bottle. “But that’s not even the worst part.”
“What’s the worst part?”
“The worst part is I can’t bring myself to do anything about it. I’m pissed. I feel like they’ve sabotaged my life. I know what you’rethinking. Why don’t I turn him in and try to clear my name? I should never speak to them again. But at the same time, I really believe they love me. He’s my dad. He’s a good person, even though it doesn’t sound like it. He’s... sick. He’s in rehab trying to get better. My parents, they help with the bills as much as they can, but it isn’t enough. I’m not sure I can throw them out of my life forever. And I can’t bring myself to turn him in and risk ruining their lives.”
“Even when they’ve ruined yours?” Ollie said.
“I know it doesn’t make sense.”
“It makes perfect sense.”
I looked over at him. “It does?”
