Honestly, how could anyone ever guess what Jonty was thinking?
“Show me the bloody video, man.”
I pulled out my new mobile phone. Jonty nearly dropped his champagne. “What. The. Actual?—”
“I know, got it this afternoon,” I said. “I’m making a few changes.”
I pulled up the email with the video and played it, Jonty’s eyes widening with every new frame. When it was finished, he stood up, face astonished.
“Dub-Dub, this is bloody fantastic. This is a sure-fire hit. The public will lap it up. You said no to this?”
“He violated everyone’s privacy.”
“We can work around that. It’s only a pitch.” Jonty cupped a hand to his mouth. “Lolz, baby. I need you. Come quickly.”
Lola slid open the kitchen window. “I need you, too, baby!”
“Come quickly, baby. Bring your laptop. Dub-Dub needs you to edit something.”
“Give me a minute, baby.” She slid the window shut. The pair of them were ridiculous.
“What are you up to?”
“Saving your arse. Seriously, Dub-Dub, are you as batty as your grandfather? This is your chance to save the estate, earn pots of money, and become a household name into the bargain.”
“I don’t want to become a household name. Besides, I’m selling the estate.”
Jontyactuallydropped his champagne glass.
“Why?”
“To be with Petey. Here. In London.”
Jonty was wide-eyed in horror, arms outstretched. “You’re out of your sodding tree. Sell the estate? To move to London? You hate London. I had to check the calendar to make sure it wasn’t April Fool’s Day when you rang the old Boche family doorbell.”
“I can come to terms with London if it means Petey and I can be together.”
Jonty yanked my phone out of my hand and bashed a finger into the screen. “No,thisis how you can be together. You can have everything you want. Petey. Buckford. A jolly good dose of shagger’s knob that’ll last the rest of your life. All you have to do is say yes.”
“What about the press intrusion?—”
“Iamthe press! We can help you with the press. It is an eminently solvable problem. Everyone from Beyoncé to Emma Thompson to that Jonas Brother with the weird teeth deals with the media. I’m an online influencer. This is what I do. Plus, Lolais a genius. Who do you think came up with our strategy for winningThe Love Manor? Why didn’t you ask for help?”
I opened my mouth. Closed it. I had no answer. It had never occurred to me.
Achilles took a shit on the lawn.
“Sorry,” I said. “I’ll clear that up in the morning.”
“It’s OK, my parents are in Cannes.”
Lola appeared on the patio with her laptop. “What’s up, baby?”
Three bottles of champagne later, the video had been reedited to remove the offending material and the two of them had knuckled out a media strategy. They had a new plan. But it meant being very brave indeed. And though I’d been brave enough to risk London, I wasn’t sure I was courageous enough for what Jonty and Lola had cooked up.
Chapter 55
Petey
