Maybe I could give it to Xennet or Dorn. One of them might want a ring to give to their future fiancée. It was a nice ring, with a large round solitaire diamond on a simple white-gold band. Pretty and probably expensive. But not even close to what I actually would have picked for myself. Go figure.
I left the ring in my room for now, remaining in the kitchen to boil water for some instant coffee. When the water was ready, I reached for my Valentine’s mug before I remembered what had happened do it. A fresh wave of pain washed over me, acidic and leaving marks as it went. It made me even angrier at Bryson. If his stupid package hadn’t completely shocked me yesterday, I wouldn’t have dropped the mug!
I hunted through the kitchen, but couldn’t find the pieces of it anywhere. I regretted telling Hallum to throw the pieces out. He was too freaking efficient. He’d gotten rid of them before I’d had a chance to cool my head and change my mind.
Holding back new tears, I chose a different mug, a big white one with my med school’s logo on it. The coffee was good. But it just wasn’t the same.
The caffeine did help, though. It cut through my gloomy mood the same way the sun was spearing down through a brightspring sky. Once I’d finished the cup, I felt ready to move on with my day.
And by move on with my day, I meant freak out about what had happened between Hallum and me yesterday. My body was hot just thinking about it. I hadn’t dreamed it, had I? It felt impossible, like something that had happened to me in the depths of a feverish dream. I almost wished he hadn’t cleaned my jacket so thoroughly. I wanted some streak or smear of him there. Concrete evidence that we had kissed. That we had made each other come like that, out under the setting sun.
He had at least some kind of feelings for me. I could be sure of it now. It might only be a physical attraction, intensified by years of sexual repression on his end. But it was something.
What I felt for him, though?
It was a hell of a lot more than “something.”
I loved him. There was no denying it now. No running from it. It was as if the arrival of Bryson’s ring had crystallized my reality for me. Had lain out all the bits of my heart, smashed up like that pink mug, and shown me which pieces now belonged to Hallum.
All of them. All of them were Hallum’s.
I’d only been with him for a matter of weeks. But I felt more for him now than I’d felt for Bryson in half a fucking decade.
I have to tell him.
Now that I knew just how real they were, the need to admit my feelings to Hallum hit me like a sonic freight shuttle. I paced the kitchen, seriously considering walking all the way to the hospital to find him. Just so that I didn’t have to wait any longer.
But I looked like a hot mess. Swollen eyes, messy hair, stained old PJs. No. I’d take my time getting ready here. Make a really nice dinner. Get some mood lighting going. Practise exactly what I wanted to say to him. So that when he returned tonight, I would be ready.
My tummy fluttering, my heart racing, feeling more sure of myself than I had in years, I began. I ate a late breakfast – more of a lunch, really – then had a long bath. I did a face mask, shaved my legs, pits, and bikini line, then did some serious work on my eyebrows. I put some extra leave-in conditioner in my hair, then arranged it all in a tight braid so that it would dry in shiny waves. My makeup consisted of dewy, natural skin; deep rose blush; mascara; and my signature red lip. I chose one of my favourite dresses. It was canary yellow and had an Old-Earth nineteen-fifties vibe to it, with a sweetheart neckline, cinched waist, and flaring pleated skirt. I finished off the look with my knee-high boots. I had other shoes that went better with this dress. But I liked how this particular pair of boots had become a bit of an inside joke between Hallum and me. An indication of how different we were.
But also that we somehow worked together. At least, I thought we did.
I hoped he saw it, too.
By that point it was late afternoon, and I got busy cooking. I made multiple dishes with meat, rice, pickled vegetables, and I even baked a pie. I’d brought some baking necessities of my own to Zabria Prinar One, and there was plenty of preserved fruit and butter in the cellar.
By the time the sun was setting, I had an entire feast, pie and all, laid out beautifully on the kitchen table. I lit two candles, admiring the effect. It certainly looked like a great love confession kind of meal.
I wasn’t ready to sit down, though. Icouldn’t. Nervous energy buzzed in my limbs, and I paced the kitchen, stopping every two minutes to look out the window. Was I just imagining it, or was he taking his sweet time to come home tonight?
When I couldn’t take it anymore, I messaged Shiloh.
Outgoing Tablet Communication Lualhati Ortiz:Hi, Shiloh.Is Warden Hallum still out there? Just want to make sure he didn’t get stuck in a ditch somewhere on his way back…
Incoming Tablet Communication Shiloh Jean-Baptiste:Yes, he is! Rivven just came in a few minutes ago but said Warden Hallum’s still working on something. I imagine he’ll be leaving soon. I can’t believe they got so much done today! Rivven said Warden Hallum worked like a machine. Like, even more than he usually does.
Outgoing Tablet Communication Lualhati Ortiz:Oh yeah?
Incoming Tablet Communication Shiloh Jean-Baptiste:Yup. Your living quarters are basically finished now. They still need to put the roof on, but you’ll probably be able to move in there in a matter of days.
I stared at the screen. I’d be leaving Hallum’s house in amatter of days.
He’d worked extra hard to get my room over there done, and was still going even now.
He doesn’t want me with him.
I swallowed a hot lump. Was I an idiot? Was I seeing something between us that just wasn’t there? We’d hooked up! That really did happen!
