“What about men?”
“Do you prefer men? Sexually?”
This conversation was extremely awkward. But at least it was allowing me to move on from the dildo incident with some small shred of dignity intact.
Warden Hallum’s brows flicked briefly upward.
“Not that I am aware of.”
“Sorry!” I said again. “When you said you hadn’t had any experience with women…”
I trailed off, studying his face. It was hard to tell how old he was. He wasn’t human, and I had no frame of reference. But he seemed older than Warden Tenn, who already gave me a mid-to-late-thirties sort of vibe. And Warden Hallum had mentioned that he’d had an entire military career before coming here.
“I simply never had the time for those sorts of experiences,” he said. “Or, really, the inclination. I was entirely focussed on my career. Advancing to the post of commander took every spare moment I had, and every last bit of my will. There was no room left for anything or anyone else.”
Oh.
So he wasn’t gay.
Just a tightly-wound, fiercely focused workaholic.
A tightly-wound, fiercely focusedvirgin.
“But now you’re here,” I pointed out. “Lots more time, I would assume. Lots more room!”
Forgetting about the incriminating purple organ in my hand, and also forgetting how we barely had space to breathe in here, I gestured around the kitchen.
“Still have plenty to keep me busy on Zabria Prinar One,” he said dryly. He began working on another box, signalling an end to the conversation and a chance for me to go hide my embarrassing “educational tool.”
It wasn’t until I was alone in my room that a question suddenly unfurled itself inside my head, like a big, bright banner.
If Warden Hallum had been that intensely devoted to his military career, if he had pushed aside everything else life had to offer just to achieve his goals there…
Why had he given that up?
Why had he left it all behind to comehere?
9
LUALHATI
Iwoke up the next morning surrounded by my stuff. I snuggled down into the bed, now laden with my own blankets and pillows. We’d gotten everything squared away yesterday. There was a point, late in the afternoon, when I began to worry that we wouldn’t finish. But Warden Hallum was tireless, and he kept everything running on a relentless schedule. The man never seemed to need to stop for a break. The result was that my clothes and bedroom-type things were all cozily arranged in this room, and my cookware and other décor were in the kitchen, with some of the other stuff down in the cellar.
My limbs were pleasantly heavy after a busy day. A day that had also included a simple meal provided by Warden Hallum and bath at the end of it. The bath involved boiling pots of water on the stove and emptying them into a big laundry tub in the kitchen. It also involved Warden Hallum awkwardly shutting himself in his bedroom for the duration of it to give me privacy. I smiled at the memory, wondering what he would have done if he’d needed to use the outhouse. There was no other door out of his bedroom. Maybe he’d just hold it. Or maybe just launchhimself out the window. He was already known for doing weird things around windows.
Morning sunlight bloomed, a glowing flower. I thought I caught the far-off whistle of birdsong. I lay there, just enjoying the peace of it.
Yesterday, I’d been too busy to even think about Bryson. But even now, even in this perfect bubble of sunny quiet, when my mind was free to wander wherever it pleased…
Well, it pleased tonotthink about my ex-fiancé. I had no interest in letting him take up any space right now. Even when I probed the topic in my mind, there wasn’t any real grief to accompany the loss of a five-year-long relationship. There was only the scald of the betrayal, and the bitter sense that I had wasted so much fucking time.
I was thirty-six now. By the time I finished my contract on Zabria Prinar One, I’d be thirty-seven. Fertility treatments had come a long way since Old-Earth days, but there was only so much that could be done once those eggs started aging. As a doctor, I knew that better than most. And finding a new committed partner could takeyears. The whole idea, after everything that had happened with Bryson, exhausted me.
In that cozy bed, with the sun streaming in, I made my decision. Man or no man, after my contract here was finished, I’d pursue a pregnancy on my own. I could go back to Terratribe II to do it. It didn’t have quite as many medical options as Elora Station. But, frankly, I’d rather never set foot on that station again if I could help it.
This decision energized me, and I hopped happily out of bed. I dressed quickly, humming to myself, feeling more settled and optimistic than I had in a long time. I was also excited to go and meet Xennet and Dorn today at the saloon. So far, I’d only met the wardens and one married convict, Rivven. From the bits and pieces I’d heard from Warden Hallum over the course of the dayyesterday, Xennet and Dorn promised to be intriguingly weird characters.
Intriguingly weird characters that were going to be my new sex-ed students. I cringed a little, remembering the dildo incident. The toy was tucked innocently away right now, but would be brought out again soon for lessons. There was no way I’d ever be able to use it on myself again now. I’d have to get a new one for, er, personal use.
