‘No! You can’t!’
‘I can and I will. I can’t work with him any more.’
‘But what about us?’
Drake turned away, he could not stand to see the pain he was inflicting on her. He picked up his jacket and put it on. Keep busy Drake. Don’t look at her.
‘There is no “us”, Evie. There can never be an “us”.’
Her voice became a little frantic, her words a little rushed. ‘You are upset about Timmins. Your feelings are still raw. Time will settle—’
‘Time will settle nothing.’
‘But I love you. You said you loved me.’
Drake swallowed. ‘I lied.’
He attempted to leave. The heat from the glasshouse made him feel claustrophobic. Evelyn stepped into his path, blocking his way.
‘You didn’t lie. I know you didn’t.’
‘We are too different. You think life is a fairy tale, but it isn’t.’
‘I love you.’
‘No, you don’t. You think you do because I was there when you had no one to turn to. There is no future for us and if your parents find out we have been meeting I will never be able to find work again. If you love me, you will let me walk away.’
‘I don’t believe you. You are only saying that to make me want to end it, but I don’t want to. I don’t.’
‘But I do, Evie. I do.’
Drake looked over her shoulder. Evelyn followed his gaze and saw the head gardener approaching. He came to the door and solemnly surveyed the destruction at their feet.
‘He wants to leave, Mr Timmins,’ said Evelyn. ‘Tell him he can’t. He has a duty to remain and replant what he has destroyed.’
Timmins removed an envelope from his pocket and placed it in Drake’s hand.
‘What’s that?’ asked Evelyn. Drake knew without opening it.
‘It’s a list of places he can apply for work to finish his apprenticeship and a letter of recommendation from me.’ The two men, mirror images but for time’s unkind hand, looked at one another. ‘I’m sorry, Miss Evelyn, but I’ll not ask him to stay. It is time he moved on.’
* * *
It didn’t take long for Drake to pack. He had few belongings and the speed of a man who wanted to be gone. The bothy boys will not miss me, he thought as he rammed another book into his bag and searched for another. He imagined Abel Hicks findinghim gone. No doubt Hicks would be very happy to be rid of him. He could imagine him laughing now. He hated his laughter. It sounded like he was trying to clear his throat. Drake found the book he had been searching for and put it in his bag. None of them made him feel welcome or understood his desire to study. He threw his blankets over in the direction of their beds and imagined them fighting over them after he was gone. Well he had news for them. He would not miss them either.
He climbed down the ladder and walked through the old building, which had been his home for over three years. He left the dark room behind him and walked out into the sunshine. He would miss the gardens of Carrack House, which had served as a living encyclopaedia for his apprenticeship. He had enjoyed every minute of his time in them, from the heavy labour of transporting wet seaweed, to carrying sacks of pine needles during the winter frosts that were so cold they bit at your fingers and gnawed at your toes.
And, of course, he would miss Evie the most. The anticipation he felt that he might see her again. The thrill when he saw her walking his way and the anxiety of being discovered. Seeing her face, touching her hand, holding her body that had changed over the years in the most enticing way. The sound of her voice, the feel of her breath on his lips, the taste of her kiss . . . He would miss them all. God, he would even miss seeing those silly feminine accessories she carried or wore: her fan, the combs in her hair, her white lace parasol. Objects he had never seen up close before or would ever hold his interest, but in Evie’s possession they held a curious fascination as they were all connected to her. He would even miss seeing her walk away from him and watching the delightful swing of all that material at the back of her dress — what did she call it? A bustle?
He wiped his eyes roughly with the sleeve of his shirt. He must leave her a note to soften his harsh goodbye. He had beencruel and she did not deserve that. Saying goodbye was bad enough, he did not have to deny that he loved her. He went back inside and sat down at the bench table, took out his inkpot and pen and wrote her name. He found it difficult to start. How do you explain your leaving while trying to keep your mother’s secrets? He tried, but ultimately it was still a goodbye letter. What do I want her to know? Drake asked himself as he looked at it. The answer was easy. He dipped his pen and began to write again. This time the words flowed more easily as they came from his heart. Satisfied, he folded it up carefully and headed for the kitchens in search of Tilly. Tilly was their friend. He would ask her to pass it on to Evie.
‘Are you leaving?’ Drake looked up and into Abel’s cold eyes. He tried to pass him, but Abel stepped in his way. ‘Well?’ he asked.
‘Yes.’
‘Studying’s not got you anywhere then.’
Drake was in no mood to argue. Abel’s opinion meant nothing to him. He tried to go round him but Abel blocked his path with a single step to the side.
