She smiled brightly as he looked blankly at her. Eventually he recognised her and attempted a fragile smile. It gave her hope.
‘Effy?’ whispered Nicholas.
She could barely hear him. It almost broke her heart. She attempted to remain strong. She did not want to distress him with her tears.
‘Is this how you spend your days?’ she said brightly, looking about the room. ‘Lazing around in bed, having everyone at your beck and call.’
Nicholas did not reply, but his eyes crinkled at her humour.
‘From the look of you,’ she added, ‘you need one of cook’s meat and potato pies.’
Her comment made him chuckle, for when they were younger they had once stolen a pie from cook’s pantry and eaten it all. They spent the next day in their sickbeds with stomach pains, much to their mother’s distress. Doctor Birch diagnosed food poisoning, but they both knew it was no more than overindulgence.
‘It’s good . . . to see you,’ he croaked.
Evelyn felt extraordinarily pleased at his effort to speak. He was already improving.
‘Duchess has had a litter. They are beautiful.’
He sighed ‘I wish . . . I could . . .’ he rested for a moment before taking in a deep breath ‘. . . see them.’
‘When you are well, you will be able to see them.’ He shook his head. Evelyn ignored him. ‘There are four. I’ve named two, Topsy and Turvy, because they keep falling over one another.’
‘I’m dying, Effy.’
‘Drake has named one, Blackie, because he’s black—’
‘Effy—’
‘You can name the other.’ They stared at each other. ‘How long have you known?’
‘Long . . . time.’
‘Does Mother and Father know?’
‘Everyone—’
‘—knows but me.’ Now was the time to cry, wasn’t it? When your worst fears have come true. Nothing came. She felt numb. ‘Are you afraid?’
He shook his head.
‘I think I would be.’
‘I will be in . . . heaven.’
‘Heaven must be full of people. God doesn’t need you too . . . and then there are all the animals from the Fern garden, tripping everyone up.’ Nicholas smiled, but Evelyn wasn’t trying to be funny — she meant every word.
Nicholas rallied what little strength he had left. ‘I’m afraid for you, Effy.’
Evelyn, taken by surprise at his warning, stopped her grumbling. ‘What do you mean?’ she asked.
‘My health has occupied Mother.’ He paused to take a breath. ‘I fear . . . her focus will turn on you.’
‘Rubbish. I’m healthy as an ox.’
‘And Father . . .’ A tear trickled down the side of his nose. ‘I have let . . . him down.’
‘Don’t distress yourself, Nicky,’ she soothed, dabbing at his face with her handkerchief. She pretended to make light of it all. ‘We shall be all right. It’s about time I had more of their attention, anyway.’ She didn’t mean it. She would willingly trade her parents’ company for Nicholas’s any day, but her reassurances seemed to comfort him. The strength he had mustered began to drain away and he closed his eyes. Alarmingly, the rattle in his lungs sounded louder.
