She left the room and headed for the kitchen, pausing a moment to lean against the back stairs wall. A painful memory caused her great discomfort. Talking about marriage and being a mother had made her feel ... vulnerable. It wasn’t Will’s fault. He couldn’t know what had happened to her before.
Laura straightened and drew a deep breath. Even so, it was silly to get the vapors over his question. Who could say at this point what God’s will was for her life?
8
On Sunday evening, Laura joined her friends at church. They sang several hymns, then the pastor spoke on the parable of the lost sheep. Laura had heard the words of Luke fifteen many times in her short life, but tonight they touched her in a special way as she thought of Will.
The pastor read the text. “‘What man of you, having an hundred sheep, if he lose one of them, doth not leave the ninety and nine in the wilderness, and go after that which is lost, until he find it? And when he hath found it, he layeth it on his shoulders, rejoicing. And when he cometh home, he calleth together his friends and neighbours, saying unto them, Rejoice with me; for I have found my sheep which was lost. I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance.’”
The pastor closed his Bible and looked out on the congregation. “There are many ways to be lost. One can be lost to God because he has refused Him obedience. One can be lost because the trials of life have sent him on the wrong road. One can be lost in sorrows, and one can be lost inpleasures. But in the account of our text, we can be assured that no matter the cause, this loss creates a separation from the Shepherd. From God Himself.
“Now, there are those who are lost who have never come into the fold. They are not a part of the flock and yield themselves to no shepherd. But our story today speaks of those who belong to the Shepherd. This is a shepherd who has one hundred sheep, and one of them goes astray. One of them leaves the safety of the shepherd and wanders off, making his own way. For whatever reason, he leaves the flock. But the shepherd loves him and cares for him just as he does the other ninety-nine. And he goes in search of him until he finds him.
“And when he finds him, the shepherd calls to his friends and tells them about his success, and there is great rejoicing. For God so loves the world that each and every person in His flock is precious to Him. He will seek you and come to bring you home.”
Laura loved this parable. The thought of God coming after her, searching for her when she chose to walk away, had always encouraged her to stay close to Him, where she was safe and protected from all attacks.
Thoughts of Will again came to mind. Will had grown up among people who had a strong faith in God. He had chosen to be a minister, and not just any minister but one who would give up the comfort of all he knew to go to a new and different place. That thought truly touched something deep in Laura’s heart. The sacrifice that was necessary for such a thing was tremendous.
Will had to know that he was risking his very life. Just because the government assigned him a place to minister didn’t mean that the native people would accept him. Someone could easily take offense and put an end to Will’s life.
And had his mother and sister lived, it would have required complete separation from the people he loved. He’d already endured many months in Cheyenne without them nearby. He’d lost his own father and was unable to get back in time for the funeral. There had been no opportunity to say good-bye. Just as there hadn’t been with his mother and sister. It grieved Laura to imagine his pain in that sense of void. She had always been glad that she’d been at her mother’s bedside for those final days. Laura and her mother had been able to talk about everything—to share their love. Mother also spoke of her hopes and dreams for Laura. It had been a precious time. One that Will hadn’t had a chance to have. Not with his father, nor his mother and sister.
“Little flock, precious lambs of God, you are loved with an everlasting love. God will not give up on you. He will seek you until He finds you. He will pursue you because you belong to Him. The ways of this world might lay you low. Sin might darken your vision and lead you into places where you should not stray, but God is mighty and loving. If you don’t already know Him, I encourage you to pray and repent of your sin and ask that He take charge of your life. It’s a very simple act. Romans ten, verses nine and ten declare, ‘That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.’”
He stepped toward the congregation. “And if you have already made that confession and belong to Him, but you’ve strayed away like the little lamb, come back to the Shepherd. Return to where you belong and repent before you face overwhelmingconsequences that might take you even further from the love of the Father.”
Before Laura knew it, the service was over, and the congregation was standing for the benediction. Once the final “amen” was said, the people broke into groups to talk to one another about the coming week. Laura found herself immediately caught up with Granny Taylor and Marybeth Vogel. Melody and Mrs. Cooper soon joined them.
“How’s the patient?” Granny asked. “I want to come see him one of these afternoons.”
“I want to do that as well,” Mrs. Cooper added.
“I think we’d all like to pay a visit,” Melody said.
“Why don’t we gather at my house on Wednesday for our sewing circle? It’s well past time for me to host.” Laura had already planned to ask them to come, and now seemed the perfect moment for the invitation. “I’ve been worried about Will. He’s lost in sorrow and blames himself for the death of his mother and sister. He’s quite angry at God, although perhaps I shouldn’t say as much. I don’t mean to gossip about him. I’m just worried.” She glanced at each woman’s sympathetic face. “I think it would do him good to have you ladies come and visit.”
“Poor lad,” Granny said. “I can only imagine that his guilt overwhelms him. He told me how he had been after his mother since summer to come here to Cheyenne. I’m sure he feels that had he done otherwise, they would both be safe and alive.”
Laura nodded. “That’s it exactly, Granny. He says it’s all his fault. Well, his and God’s. I’ve tried to reassure him that he’s not to blame and that God hasn’t abandoned him, but he won’t hear it from my lips. Perhaps from yours.”
Granny shook her head. “He won’t receive it until the pain lessens a bit and he’s able to think rationally. Right now, he’sin the throes of grief, and that can make a person believe outrageous things.”
“It’s never easy to deal with death,” Marybeth assured. “And often there is regret and the sense that so much was left unsaid. I can still remember the day my father died. He went off to work driving his freight wagon as he did every day. We had flapjacks and maple syrup for breakfast. My father always preferred eggs and sausage, but I hadn’t had a chance to go shopping, and we didn’t have but a couple of eggs. He made light of it, but after he died, I remember being so sad that he hadn’t been able to have his favorite breakfast that morning. I found myself wondering if I’d even told him that I loved him when he left the house. I started second-guessing myself on all sorts of things.”
“That’s why I always make sure I tell Jed how much I love him before he leaves for work each day,” Granny said, glancing over at the man with whom she’d shared most of her life. “I know that no matter what happens through the day, he knows that he’s loved.”
Marybeth nodded. “I remember you saying that, so I make sure Carrie and Edward know how I feel before we part company.”
Laura could well imagine that Will was full of regret for not having been able to say good-bye. “I’m glad you can come. I know Will can use cheering up. I’ll furnish lunch, so plan to stay a few hours.”
“Sounds perfect,” Melody replied. “I’ll see you on Wednesday.”
When Laura returned from church, she was surprised to find that her father had gone out for the evening. She knew hewas quite independent and used to doing as he pleased, but the fact that he’d told no one where he was going bothered Laura a great deal. She would never be so thoughtless as to leave him wondering about her whereabouts.
She hung up her coat and set aside her hat and gloves before heading down the hall to check on Will. She found him struggling to sit up and chided him for not ringing the bell for help.
“You aren’t going to do yourself any favors by trying to do everything without help. You could cause more harm than good.” She came and helped him to sit. Once he was more upright, Laura grabbed a couple of pillows and put them behind Will.
