Mother grabbed at Susanna. “But ... what if God ... is punishing me?”
Taking her mother’s hand, Susanna did her best to offer comfort. “He’s here for you, Mother. Just put your trust in Him.”
“I was ... cruel. Said things...” She gasped for air. “I’m not ... good.”
“No one is, without Jesus.”
“Send for ... the preacher ... and your father. I need ...” She fell into a coughing fit, and Susanna helped her sit more upright until the spasms were over.
“I’ll send for them, Mother.”
She helped her mother lie back and then hurried to where Lia was finishing the laundry. “Mother wants Pastor Lewis and my father to come. Do you want to stay with her while I go get him?”
“Of course.” Lia pinned the last sheet on the line. “I’m done here.”
Susanna drew a deep breath and let it go slowly. “Dr. Sanborn said to get her to drink strong, black coffee. Would you make some and, if I’m not back when it’s done, try to get her to drink it?”
“I will.” Lia smiled. “Try not to worry. You’ve said yourself that she is a strong, healthy woman. We’ll see her through this.”
“I just keep thinking of Mark—my husband. This was how it was with him.”
Lia took Susanna’s hands in hers. “This isn’t Mark, but ifthe worst happens, we’ll all be here for you. You won’t face it alone.”
“I know that, but what I don’t know is if Mother has made her peace with God. I think that’s why she wants the pastor. I think she knows she may die.”
Susanna went to find Pastor Lewis only to learn he was out at one of the ranches and wouldn’t be back until late. Susanna considered finding another preacher but went back to the house instead. She had a strange feeling about her mother’s condition. She’d had the same feeling when Mark died.
Father had come to check on Mother and then gone back to work, according to Lia. There was also a visit from a couple of women from church. They had heard that Mother was sick and wanted to help in any way they could. Susanna was touched by their kindness. No one in Topeka from their large church had bothered when Mark was ill.
The evening wore on, and Susanna continued to check her mother’s condition and to wipe her brow with a tepid cloth.
“I’m going to ... die,” her mother whispered.
Susanna touched the cloth to her cheek. “No, you aren’t.”
“I’ve been such ... a terrible person, Susanna. I’m going ... to hell.”
“Not if you put your faith in Jesus. You know what the Bible says. You’ve listened to the pastor’s sermons. God doesn’t want you to be afraid and alone. He’s always been here for you.”
“I don’t deserve...” She began to cough, and Susanna helped her sit up for a moment.
“Mother, none of us deserve anything good. We’re all sinners, the Bible says. You can put your trust in Jesus, though, and He will save you from hell. He openly welcomes each of us to seek Him—to trust and love Him.”
She helped her mother ease back against the pillow. “You don’t have to be afraid, Mother. Just pray and tell Jesus that you believe in Him and that you repent of your sins.”
“But my sins ... are too many. I’ve been ... terrible.”
“Your sins are no worse than anyone else’s, and God forgives them all. You mustn’t tax yourself on this. Simply pray and be saved.”
Her mother looked at her for a moment as if trying to ascertain the truth of the matter. Susanna wished she could ease her mother’s fears. She prayed silently for God to reassure her mother that this was the only way to be saved, and that He very much wanted to save her.
It was nine o’clock when the doctor returned. Pastor Lewis and Father came with him, as well as Gary.
Susanna collapsed on the sofa in the living room while the others were with her mother. She hadn’t meant to fall asleep, but she couldn’t help it. When she woke up a few hours later, the house was dark except for a single candle burning on the table.
“Mother!” she exclaimed and jumped to her feet. She hurried into the bedroom and halted just inside.
“I promise, if I live ... things will be ... different,” her mother said in a raspy voice.
