“Love will come, my dear. Most people don’t fall in love like your sisters did. Most people marry for convenience or outright desperation. In our case, neither of those is needed, but Idolove you. I’ll lavish you with whatever you want. You’ll always come first in my life.” He moved closer again.
She pushed him back. “That’s not how God intended marriage to be.” In fact,Godshould come first. As soon as she thought it, her heart twinged. Yes, she still believed that God should be first ... even though she certainly hadn’t put Him in that place in a long while.
Father, I’m so sorry. I’m such a mess. Please ... help me to get back on the right path.
Every inch of her heart ached as if she were shredding it to pieces in front of her.What have I done? You are Almighty God. I need You in control of my life again. On the throne of my heart. Please. Forgive me.
A soothing rush of warmth filled her middle, and then, as if the Potter were molding her heart back together, she felt whole again.
Her breath caught. God still loved her. No matter how hard she pushed Him away. No matter how much she blamed Him for the difficult times in her life.
“All right.” Judas’s voice brought her back to the moment. He straightened and picked up the reins. “I won’t push. I’ll give you some time to think about it.”
She didn’t need time to think about it. Of that she was certain.
They rode the rest of the way in silence as the aurora above them wove across the sky in waves of green and yellow.
Back at the farm, Judas helped her down from the sleigh. “I hope you’ll reconsider. I’d marry you tomorrow, and you would make me the happiest man alive.”
How did they get to this place? Did he really love her? She couldn’t imagine that he could think she’d developed feelings for him in such a short amount of time. She pasted on a smile, not wanting to crush him after his sweet attention. “I’ll think about it.”
“Good. I look forward to seeing you again soon.” He climbed up into the sleigh and put the horses back into motion.
As she watched him drive away, she went over the evening again. Had she given him any indication that she was falling in love with him? Not that she could remember. Clearly, the wine had clouded her judgment, but she knew now for certain.
There would be no future for her with Judas Reynolds.
She didn’t want to hurt him, but she had to be truthful. Oh, what kind of mess had she gotten into this time?
One thing was clearer than anything else.
She had a bottle to dump down the drain.
TWENTY-ONE
Halfway through her pregnancy and Havyn already had to use the facilities multiple times a night. Not fun. Especially since she really enjoyed her sleep. John had teased her about that ever since they got married, and now here she was, waking up grumpy every morning.
She looked at the clock on her way back to their bedroom. Already five in the morning? She let out a moan. Might as well stay up. She’d have to start breakfast soon anyway.
Padding her way to the parlor, she yawned. At least she could get some prayer time in before the house teemed with activity.
When she entered the large room, movement on the settee startled her, and she gasped.
“Sorry, Havyn. It’s me.”
Whitney sounded so forlorn.
She took the chair across from her sister. “Couldn’t sleep?”
“No.” Whit stared out the window.
“Wanna talk about it?”
A shrug.
Whitney’s long hair hung in curls that scattered over hershoulders and back. Even in the dark, she was beautiful. Havyn studied her for several minutes. When Whit was ready, she’d talk.
Her older sister let out a sigh and lifted something from beside her. As she turned it, it reflected the sliver of moon from the night sky. “I need your help.”
