“My siblings looked at me as if I was crazy…I probably was…as I sat there screaming and crying uncontrollably. My mother took me upstairs, put me to bed, gave me something to make me sleep, assuring me everything would be all right. Later on I found out what my father did to Jackson. He had whipped him until he was bleeding, then left him tied up so he couldn’t shift. When my father sat down at the dinner table, he forbade anyone to leave the table, insisting they all finish eating.
“My mother defied him, got up and went to Jackson. The next day, while we were at school, my grandparents came and helped my mother pack our clothing and when we got home from school, we were taken to their home where we spent the rest of the school year.” Dakota stared at his mate, searching for signs of disapproval. Finding none, he continued, “At last I no longer had to deal with my father’s never-ending hatred and for the first time, in a very long time, I could smile and even laugh at my brothers’ jokes. While we were at my grandparents, every day, my mother spent time teaching me how to mitigate the negative emotions of others, which eventually gave me some small relief.
“I don’t know exactly what happened between my grandparents and my father, but when we returned home, it was different. The violent anger my father had was gone, replaced with a cold indifference to everyone but Jackson. Oh the hatred was still there for Logan, but it was muted and it allowed me to practice the blocking techniques my mother taught me. Even though my father was different, the tension in our home was never ending.I watched as my mother suffered because she continued to oppose my father, interceding constantly in an effort to protect her pups.
“It was affecting everyone, but other than me, Jackson paid the highest price cause my father would verbally abuse him every chance he got. Finally, it got so bad, Jackson became a shadow of his former self so my mother stood up to her husband and sent him to spend the summer with our grandparents. It was during that summer something happened…I don’t know what it was, but one day I was swamped with Logan’s emotion…oh my god it was so horrible, he was inconsolable…it was overwhelming me. I tried to block it but I couldn’t so I left the house and ran deep into the woods just to get away from everything, praying the gods would take my ability back and give it to someone who was stronger.”
Slate’s heart was breaking as he listened to the suffering his mate had gone through.Holy shit balls!How did he survive?He lifted his mate’s hand and kissed it before lowering it, but did not let go. Knowing Dakota had more to say, he asked, “Did you ever find out what happened to Logan?”
“No, and frankly, I didn’t want to know. Whatever it was, my father did it because just before I felt my brother’s negative emotions, I felt my father’s…satisfaction. Which made no sense to me at all and still doesn’t. Usually he expressed positive emotionsafterhe punished someone.
“Did your father say anything to you?”
“No, I don’t even think he knew I was home. I was supposed to go with my mother but at the last minute I convinced her to let me stay home by promising her I would have dinner ready when she and my siblings got home. My father never came into the kitchen while I wasthere. Whatever my father did, it changed Logan forever. My brother now had hatred burning inside him. Aside from me, I don’t think anyone else knew, and I just tried to stay away from everyone.
“That summer passed in a blur; I spent my time in the kitchen with my mother and then I’d escape to the woods, trying to clear my mind of all the noise. When Jackson came back, he’d changed, too, because nothing my father said affected him anymore. After Jackson and Logan went off to college, it was somewhat better…at least there were two less sets of emotions I had to deal with. When Cody, Colton and Carson left the next year, it helped a lot. It was during that time, I decided I wanted to go to culinary school. When my mother approached my father about it, he absolutely forbade it. But then Jackson found out and he told me to apply and that he’d use part of his trust fund to pay for it.
“That fall, I left with my older brothers, so my father would think I was going to college with them and Jackson drove me to the culinary school. I was in heaven. It was everything I had imagined and more. I was so happy there…until my father found out about it.”
Chapter 11
“What happened?” Slate asked, bracing himself, knowing he wasn’t going to like what his mate had to say.
“I was home, along with my brothers, for the Long Night Moon Festival and as I had done through the years, I was in the kitchen baking and frosting cookies, helping my younger siblings. My father came into the kitchen, along with Zane, took some cookies and ate them. He was complimenting my siblings on making such good cookies when Zane spoke up, telling him that I made them. The best word to describe my father’s reaction was disbelief. He told Zane it couldn’t be because I was an Alpha and Alphas didn’t work in the kitchen. Zane said I might be an Alpha but I was going to cooking school so Alphas did so work in kitchens.
“My father asked me if it was true and I said ‘yes’. Then the screaming started and he began to call me every name in the book. My younger siblings were frightened and my brother was distraught about what he’d said, but the hatred and disgust coming from my father was more than I could take as I stood there, frozen. Luckily, Jackson heard everything and he rushed in, shooing the pups out and pulling me out of there. Pushing me upstairs to my room, he guided me to a chair, locked the door and started packing my stuff. Logan knocked and Jackson opened the door, shoving my suitcases at him, telling him to put them in the car. After packing a bag for himself, Jackson took me by the hand and led me down the back staircase, hustling me into his car before we drove off into the night.”
“Where did you go…back to school?” Slate asked quietly.
“No, my brother drove through the night until we reached our grandparents. By that time, I had shut down so I don’t know what happened after we got there but when I woke up the next morning I began to cry. I saw no future for myself if I couldn’t do the one thing that gave me happiness so I stayed in my room, shades drawn for two weeks, rebuffing all efforts to pull me out of the darkness that was my constant companion. Poor Jackson…he was beside himself because no matter what he said or did, he couldn’t console me.
“The day Jackson left, a new round of tears began. You see, even though I wouldn’t let him help me, I needed him desperately to anchor my world. Finally, I fell into an exhausted sleep, but was awakened late that night. My mother was sitting on my bed, looking at me with so much love, the darkness began to lift. She lay down beside me, holding me, assuring me I’d be all right. Throughout the night we talked, and she told me about a vision she had about my ability. By morning, the darkness was gone, and I made peace with who I was.”
Dakota fell silent. There was more to come, but right now, he was swamped with his mate’s feelings—outrage, anger—and then the emotion he was hoping would be there—love. Focusing on that one, he filled his mind with it and, closing his eyes, he smiled at the strength of that love because it made him feel safe. It was something he hadn’t felt since his mother was killed but Dakota wondered if it would still be there after his mate heard everything.
Slate wanted Dakota to stop because he could see the toll it was extracting from him. Then suddenly it came to him—what Dakota was trying to tell him and Slate’s growing anger toward his mate’s father was making it worse. Once he understood it, he stopped and concentrated on sending the love he and his wolf felt fortheir mate. Surprised at the depth of his love, Slate wanted his mate to feel it.
Opening his eyes, Dakota gave Slate a small smile as he felt the infusion of love, then continued, “I never returned home again. Jackson drove my mother back, picked up my brothers, then returned to get me. I went back to school for my next semester and when it was over, I met my brothers at their college and helped pack up their dorm rooms along with Zane who came to help. Jackson planned on dropping me off at my friend’s house for the summer but the night before we left, all of us went to a local gay bar where, after we probably had too much to drink, Carson’s proposal to make a stop in Las Vegas met with instant approval. The next day, we headed out early and made it there in plenty of time to spend the night gambling and drinking.
“When I got a call from Logan the next night I instantly knew something was wrong. He asked me where Zane and I were and once I told him, he ordered us to stay there and he would come and get us. As soon as I hung up, Zane asked me what happened and all I could tell him was Logan said he was coming to get us. I was worried, but my brother was shaking with fear…fear that was nowmyfear as I absorbed his emotion. The only thing I held on to was my mother’s voice in my head telling me I was strong and could handle it.
“Once we were all together, and in the car, Jackson broke the news to everyone. Instantly, I had waves of emotions buffering me from everyone…anger, sorrow, hatred, guilt, joy…so strong, in such a closed space, I knew if I didn’t immediately block what I could, I would be driven insane. So while Jackson was driving us somewhere safe, I spent the entire trip, constantly trying to block everyone’s emotions. By the time we stopped, I was so tired I don’t know how I ended up in a bed, but the next morning I woke up to my new world.
“My mother…my lifeline…the person who knew what I was and the only one I could count on to guide and help me when it all became too much for me, was gone and I was left trying to figure out how I would survive. So before everyone woke up, I headed out, shifted, and ran deep into the forest, seeking a place where there weren’t any other beings so I could find the quietness my mind needed so badly. When I got back, Jackson took me aside and asked if he could do anything to help. I assured him I was all right because I knew he was panicking about how to protect his brothers and keep us safe, so I wasn’t going to add to his burden.
“That summer we camped in the woods while Jackson oversaw the building of a pack house for us at a site Jimmy had provided. When the chores were divided up, I ended up with chef duties. I often wondered if Jackson knew how badly I needed to be away from everyone but he never said anything. As you can imagine, all my brothers had very strong emotions that summer as one by one, they came to grips with our family gone.
“During that time, if one of my brothers objected and complained I wasn’t pulling my weight because all I did was cook, Jackson told them to demonstrate they could cook as well as me; then he’d give me a wink and walk away. My brothers also had to accept that Jackson had stepped into the role of Alpha and more than once his orders and decisions were challenged by one of them. But Jackson, with Logan backing him up, kept us together on a path that eventually made us a strong pack.”
Slate felt his eyes tear up before saying, “Oh, babe, I can’t imagine how alone you must have felt that summer.”
Dakota nodded, grateful his mate understood, but worried that when his story was over, Slate’s sympathy would disappear. Biting his lower lip, Dakota hesitated, wondering how he could explain his darkest secret to his mate. Picking at the grass, he grew more nervous before he revealed the final piece. So far, Slate had surpassed Dakota’s expectations with his understanding about the curse.But will that change when I tell him what I almost did?
Slate waited while his mate sorted out his thoughts, but when nothing more was forthcoming, he said, “I know you’re worried about something,” pausing to touch his mate’s bottom lip, before continuing, “but please trust me and just tell me. Nothing you say will change my mind about what I think about you or how I feel.”
Startled by Slate’s words, Dakota’s eyes searched his mate’s face, then smiled. “Are you claiming to be an empath now, too?”
Chuckling, Slate said, “No, but I’ve learned how to read body language over the years. It comes in handy when I’m trying to negotiate business contracts.”
