Slate’s eyes roamed over his mate, his body hungering to feel Dakota’s body under his, but knew there still was a lot to say. “I haven’t spoken to my brother or my father about this yet, but I want you to know, if you accept me as your mate, I won’t be traveling anymore. I haven’t ever lived in a pack, but when Dylon was over in Tajikistan, I asked him how he felt about it. I was curious because I knew in all likelihood, my mate would belong to one. Dylon explained what it was like and how much he loved it compared to what he had when he grew up. He told me it was one of the main reasons he became an enforcer…he wanted to belong to something bigger. He finally found it in the Blackwood Pack as did my brother. I saw the tightness of the bond between Cody and Colton when they were in Mexico and, while it wasn’t that surprising because they were brothers, Steel’s tightness with them was. And that’s when I made up my mind to quit traveling when I found my mate; instead I would find someone younger and eager to do that part of my job.
“When I saw you standing in my bedroom, everything became so crystal clear I knew in that single moment,everything I did before would pale in comparison to everything that came afterwards. I felt my whole universe shift on its axis as my heart sang for you, my soul was filled with joy and you filled my world with every color, brighter even than the sun. All I have to give you back is my devotion and love which I swear to the gods will be yours forever.”
Dakota studied Slate’s face as he thought about what he heard. Even though he was stunned when his mate addressed Dakota’s biggest concern, he instantly trusted his mate and knew he was telling the truth. For the first time since he found out he had a mate, he felt a spark of hope that they could make this mating work. The guilt he felt when he ran away came from what Oracle told him about the pain that would only disappear after his mate was claimed or had died.
That had panicked him because he knew Jackson would be devastated regardless of who chose to die; not to mention his brothers or Steel or Daniel or his mate’s parents—the list never seemed to end. And he wasn’t wired to cause pain if he could do something so the people he loved wouldn’t suffer. Dakota appreciated how honest his mate had been and he would be just as honest. He hoped his mate would still feel that way once he found out about his curse.
Chapter 10
“My childhood was different from yours,” Dakota began, slowly. “But like you, I have a very close bond with my brothers. It was fun before everything turned to shit. I really enjoyed hanging with my brothers, seeing who could climb the highest in a tree or make the most skips with a pebble on water. Everything we thought of doing always ended up as a bet…who could jump the highest, or who could run the fastest…but it was all done in fun. I don’t ever remember any of us having disagreements that would pit brother against brother. We were a unit…like a wheel with spokes…all needed to make the wheel strong. And that was how it was with us…we always had each other’s back.”
Dakota fell silent, remembering when the good times disappeared, replaced by darkness. He lifted his face and looked up to the treetops, gazing at the changing pattern of light and dark caused by the wind blowing through the branches. It was a perfect representation of his life—light and dark constantly shifting in his mind until he was unable to take it anymore, forced to seek out the quiet his mind desperately needed. Continuing on, he said, “One time, when I was four, my mother had all of us decorate the cookies for the Long Night Moon Festival and I loved it. She showed me how to color the white frosting to make the blue I wanted for my cookies. Magic…pure magic for a four year old. I was hooked.
“At first, my mother sat me at the island and I would watch her as she made bread, cakes, cookies and pies. I was fascinated seeing a cake emerge from flour, sugar and eggs. She called me her ‘official taster’ because I would always ask to lick the spoons or bowls. Then I moved on, pouring in the ingredients and as I got older, my mother kept increasing my skill level until, when Iwas six, I made my first cake. It was a little lopsided and the frosting wasn’t smooth but I stood there looking at it, proud as could be and then horrified when my mother said she’d serve it for dessert at dinner.”
“Why?” asked Slate, confused and wondering if the reason was because it didn’t taste good.
“I wanted to keep it forever in my room as the first thing I ever baked.” Dakota chuckled. “I remember to this day how proud I was of it. Well after that, there wasn’t anything I wouldn’t try and I spent hours researching different recipes, some were okay but others, well, let’s just say, nobody ever ate those. For the next couple of years, I was very happy as I learned to cook everything…steaks, roasts, fish…you name it and I could do it. My mother would kick me out of the kitchen sometimes, sending me camping with my brothers. As much as I hated leaving the kitchen, I loved being the camp cook…it was my kitchen and I had total control. I’m pretty sure those times helped me decide to become a chef.”
“You never wanted to do anything else?” asked Slate.
Dakota paused, remembering his determination to become a chef, then continuing, “Nope, nothing else appealed to me the way cooking did…and still does. I love finding and trying new recipes from around the world, then tweaking them with my special touch. Luckily, none of my brothers was interested in cooking so when our family was killed, Jackson was happy to hand over that chore to me. And I have been cooking for the pack ever since.”
Looking at Dakota, Slate knew his mate had more to tell but was reluctant to say it. He didn’t know if Dakota was aware of the wariness showing in his eyes but Slate sawit, so he said, “Nothing you tell me will go beyond me, I promise.”
Sighing, Dakota knew the time had come and how Slate reacted would decide on whether he could take him as a mate. “Thank you, I appreciate your saying that because no one else knows what I’m about to tell you…and no one can ever find out. Will you promise that to me?”
“Absolutely! I swear it will stay between us, Dakota.”
“Mmm, well I guess I better start from the beginning. Ever since I can remember, I always knew what a person was feeling…”
“You’re an empath!”
Giving a twisted smile to Slate, Dakota continued, “Yes, although I didn’t know that was what it was called. My mother noticed it first when I was very young because I’d tell her when one of my siblings was sad or happy. Most young children can sense feelings…for instance, if the mother is sad, the child goes and hugs her without being told…but it usually becomes weaker as they grow older.”
“But I’m guessing your ability didn’t.”
“No, it became stronger the older I got but I was still okay because it was generally a happy time in my family so most of the emotions I felt were positive ones. I’m not saying all of them were, because when my father was trying to make Jackson learn about being an Alpha, he could get quite angry. But, generally speaking, love was the predominant emotion I felt from everyone. So I blissfully ignored my ability while I was enjoying my life in the kitchen.
“It all ended one day when my father discovered Logan was gay. I was in the kitchen with my mother when my father dragged my brother in by his hair and proceededto scream at my mother about having a gay son. I was suddenly tossed into an ocean of strong emotions…my brother’s embarrassment, my father’s violent anger and my mother’s helplessness at what was happening. I tried to help Logan, but there wasn’t anything I could do for my mother. Then it got worse. Jackson came in screaming he was gay also and whatever our father did to Logan he had to do to Jackson.
“I was crying because there were too many strong negative emotions invading my mind and I didn’t know what to do. Finally, when our father realized what Jackson had said, he stopped yelling at my mother, didn’t say another word, turned around and walked out of the kitchen.” Dakota closed his eyes, as those emotions rushed back into his mind and a small cry escaped. Suddenly he felt his mate’s arms around him, holding him tight, and offering comfort, helping him to lock those bad memories away.”
“You don’t have to go on,” Slate said, “I get the picture of what was happening to you.”
No matter what his mate thought, Dakota knew he had to tell all of it because Slate deserved to know everything about his curse. Sitting up straight, he resumed. “After my father had stopped his tirade, he left the room but as he passed Logan, I felt his hatred. It was so strong, I fell to my knees, unable to stand but my mother caught me. She told Jackson to take his brother to their room and wait for her. Then she gathered me up and took me outside, into the woods and set me down on a fallen log. I was a fucking emotional mess. My father’s hatred filled my entire body, making my world dark and it scared me. My mother held me for a long time, before I could stop crying and the darkness faded.
“I wish that was the only time it happened, but from that point on, my father was consumed with hatred for Logan and blamed him for Jackson being gay. I found I could manage if I stayed away from my father because the closer I was to him, the more intense the emotion I felt, so the kitchen became my refuge as he rarely came in there. But at dinner time or any other time I had to be near him, it was torture. I thought I’d figured out a way to handle his anger at Logan, but when he added Jackson, I was on the brink of falling apart.
“I was barely holding myself together and the only thing that helped was school because I was able to get away from my father’s emotions for part of the day.” Falling silent, Dakota was exhausted from reliving the worst time of his life, except for when his mother died. Sighing, he said, “Even though I was away from my father, I wasn’t away from Jackson or Logan so every day I knew what they were feeling…guilt, sadness, hatred…the only saving grace is my brothers tried to think about other things so at least I got a small break.”
“What did your mother do?” asked Slate.
“At first, I don’t think my mother knew the extent of my ability, or maybe she thought I would grow out of it…I don’t really know, but she could see how badly it was affecting me. I was still cooking with her but I was no longer the happy person I had once been. Then something happened and my mother knew she had to do something to save me.”
“What happened?” asked Slate.
“It was at dinnertime when Cody, Colton and Carson announced they were gay. I don’t know why they picked that time to do it, but probably thought there wasn’t much more our father could do…but they were so wrong. My father stood and ordered Logan to follow him, but before that happened, Jackson jumped up and confronted him. So instead of Logan, my father grabbed Jackson and dragged him outside. I sat there, feeling my father’s hatred…so much, so very fucking much of it, I couldn’t take it anymore and I became hysterical.
