‘Ring me if you have any problem at all. I can be there in a matter of hours.’
‘Thanks. I appreciate it.’ I hung up before Rob made it into the sitting room.
‘Ah there she is,’ he bellowed, as if he had an audience. ‘My lovely WIFE.’ He practically spat at me. I could smell the Jack Daniels on his breath as he staggered closer to me.
One thing he could never do, regardless of his intentions was physically intimidate me.
‘Here I am indeed. And in a better state than you, thankfully. How did you get on today?’ I had no time for this mental bullshit tonight. He could never beat me up more than I beat myself up. I was an expert at it at this stage.
‘Why do you care, darling?’ His tone dripped with sarcasm as he actively sought an argument.
‘That’s a really good question, and one that people keep asking me. But I want to know that you’re ok. Believe it or not, I didn’t want it to come to this. But it’s not exactly just crept up on us out of the blue now, has it? We’ve been living separate lives for years and you know it.’
‘So you keep telling me.’ He rolled his eyes and flopped down at the opposite end of the couch.
‘So, did you take any of them or not?’ I asked.
He hesitated for a few seconds before wavering, remembering I’d offered to pay his rent in advance.
‘I provisionally took one, but I didn’t sign yet. They wanted photo ID and bank statements, which I didn’t have with me.’
‘Well, I suppose that’s one less thing to worry about.’ I tried to reassure him, though he didn’t look convinced.
‘I’m sorry, Rob.’ I apologised to him for the hundredth time this week. ‘I really am, but there’s a whole wide world out there and you will realise we haven’t been living in it, not really.’
‘So you say. You know this isn’t what I’d choose, Lucy.’ He was testing the water again.
‘I know, Rob. Please let’s not keep going over this. I won’t change my mind. Don’t do this to yourself. Try to see it as an opportunity, a new chapter. Use it to do something that you want to do before ‘you’ became ‘us’.’
‘The thing is, I can’t really remember anything that I actually ever wanted to do before.’ That admission didn’t surprise me in the least.
‘Now is the time to think about it. Do something that makes you happy.’
‘What are you going to do?’ His tone was almost child-like.
‘I don’t know.’ I answered truthfully. But at least I had options. I could stay with my family for a while or I could go back to Edinburgh. I could have a place to stay and a job with just a couple of phone calls. ‘But without a shadow of a doubt, this is the right thing. Try to get some sleep,’ I said to him as I left the room.
‘As if,’ he scoffed.
He’d always previously slept like a baby. I used to hear the snoring through the thin plasterboard walls, while I lay awake, over-thinking everything. But since I asked him for the divorce, it was me who had been sleeping like the dead; an immense weight lifted off my shoulders.
I scrapped the bath for a quick shower and took a cup of tea up to bed with me and text John.
Lucy: All ok. Call you in the morning.
He replied immediately. He must have been on standby in case the shit hit the fan. I’m not quite sure what he was planning to do from there but it was a lovely thought all the same.
John: As long as you’re ok. Sweet dreams.
Chapter Fourteen
FRIDAY 31ST AUGUST
Living in the same house as Rob proved to be too tough. I left before the lease was up.
Things had become petty. He wanted to argue every day over the most ridiculous things in order to hurt me.
Ruth offered me a room to rent while I sorted my life out. I didn’t have to make any rash decisions, and I was out of that toxic environment. It was only a few minutes away from where I used to live, but it was far enough for now.
