I watched a hundred strangers coming and going; imagining them returning home to their families, imagining what kind of life they might lead. The evening was bright; the weather had been kind to us this year. People were out making the most of being able to wear their shorts and T-shirts after a long day at work.
I pushed a pile of untouched rigatoni around my plate.
‘I’ve never seen you so distracted, Lucy, what’s going on?’ Clara stared at me intently.
‘Nothing really.’ Nothing in reality, and everything in my head.
‘The last couple of weeks it’s like you’re here, but not really here.’ She probed as I twiddled my napkin between my fingers.
I took a massive gulp of wine before I could say, ‘I think it’s over. With me and Rob.’
‘What happened?’ she whispered. We were in proximity to several other tables, and Winchester was a small place.
‘I suppose it’s been on the cards for a long time. I’ve just been avoiding facing it. We’re like chalk and cheese. It’s just not enough anymore. I thought I could just get on with it…’ I glanced up from my tattered napkin.
‘Go on,’ she murmured, without a hint of judgement, probably still in shock that I was even discussing it.
‘Then I met John.’ There, I blurted it out.
It was out there.
Silence at first, until the penny dropped, along with her lower jaw.
‘That ginger guy from the hen?’ She couldn’t mask her shock. ‘Lucy, apart from the fact that he lives in a different country, he’s married,’ she reminded me.
‘Ah.’ I forgot I hadn’t fully disclosed the truth about that one.
‘He’s actually not. He just said that so I would spend the night talking to him.’
‘So, what exactly are you telling me?’ She still wasn’t getting it.
‘There’s nothing to tell, really. Apart from that night changed everything. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to run away to the west of Ireland with some complete stranger, but I suppose it awakened something in me. The short time I spent with him I felt more like myself than I had done in years.’ I swept my hair back from my face, tucking in securely behind one ear before continuing. ‘Not to mention the fact I was massively attracted to John. I can’t stop thinking about him. I can’t actually sleep for thinking about him. There was just something about him. It’s hard to put it into words. I’m turning into one of those crazy women that I used to feel sorry for.’
‘You certainly are.’ She covered her mouth to suppress a laugh and hide her surprise. ‘I actually can’t believe I’m hearing this from you, of all people! So, have you spoken to him?’
At that exact second, my phone vibrated with a text on the table in front of us.
‘Oh no, it’s worse than I thought.’ Clara’s head fell into her hands. ‘That’s him, isn’t it?’
‘How did you know?’ I grabbed the phone from the table quickly, before she could snatch it and pry.
‘Your face says it all, Lucy. You’re like an open book. Your smile could light up Blackpool for a year.’
‘I can’t help it,’ I said honestly. ‘He’s intriguing, funny, and he seems to really care. I’m borderline obsessed already.’
‘I honestly didn’t think you had it in you. You’re normally so sensible, practical. Sometimes I think you’re old before your time.’ She took a sip from her wine glass before leaning conspicuously across the table. ‘Well, what’s he saying?’ She squinted, attempting to read the text upside down.
‘Just asking how my day was. Saying he’s watching the football.’
‘So, what are you grinning about then?’ She still didn’t seem to get it.
‘I’m just glad to hear from him. He texts every day. But this was the first one today. I thought he might have gotten bored sitting around waiting for me.’
‘Oh no.’ Clara’s face was crestfallen. ‘This is so much worse than I thought.’
‘Don’t say that, Clara! I promise you, nothing happened. We’ve only been talking.’ I hated her judging me. Technically, nothing had happened… yet.
‘That’s even worse,’ she exclaimed. ‘You’re like a lovesick puppy over a man you haven’t even kissed! You’ve got it bad girl! It’s written all over your face. What happened to my “black or white – no time for grey areas” friend?’
