‘Well, there’s not much more I can suggest. But the offer stands.’ Those exquisite eyes twinkled.
We moved up to the bar stools again to steal some privacy away from the others.
Conversation was effortless, and I lowered my armour once again. He was easy company, in addition to being unnervingly attractive.
The hours flew by all too quickly. The barman loaded the glasses into a dishwasher, clearly pissed off with the lot of us. It was five in the morning and there was no sign of anyone going to bed yet. But I knew at some point I’d have to say goodbye.
This time it could be forever.
The thought sickened me.
‘I can honestly say meeting you has been an eye-opener.’ I meant every word.
‘Lucy, you are an absolute lady. I’d love if you’d come to Ireland sometime…’
‘I’d love to, but I have to face into a truck load of shit before that can happen, unfortunately. But never say never.’ I took his hand and held it for a minute and allowed myself to look at him properly for a few seconds, hoping it wouldn’t be for the last time.
Our eyes locked, and we exchanged more than words could ever say. A sense of sadness, longing, hope, possibility, understanding.
I gave him a lingering cuddle and slunk away up the stairs to the first floor, feeling like I’d just let the best thing that could have happened to me slip through my fingers.
One thing was clear, though.
I couldn’t go on like this.
Chapter Three
SUNDAY 1ST JULY 2012
Another night with less than two hours' sleep. I was physically wrecked but there was a drive charging me that wasn’t there before.
I showered and put on a black cotton maxi dress and diamanté flip flops for the drive home. Heidi had already gone for breakfast so I had the room to myself. I toyed with my phone and contemplated ringing John, but what more could I say?
I headed down to the breakfast room although I could barely stomach a thing. Joining Heidi at her table, I scanned the room for any sign of him.
Nothing.
I managed to drink a cup of tea and shovel enough food around my plate to make it look like I’d eaten something.
Heidi was looking forward to getting home. I was not. Still, it was time to crack on with it. I hadn’t heard from Rob all weekend and I didn’t know if he would be home when I got in or if he had plans.
Who was I kidding?
He’d be sat on the sofa watching the cricket with a can of Stella, waiting for me to come home and make dinner.
At the reception desk, we handed back our key cards and checked out. I couldn’t help noticing the stag party John was with was congregated in the lobby, ready to go. I glimpsed a fleeting view of him, our eyes locked and a sad smile curled on my lips. He nodded and raised his hand.
There was nothing we could say to ease the goodbye, especially not surrounded by thirty of our alcohol poisoned friends.
I threw my weekend bag into the boot of the car and rounded the girls up. There was no point delaying the inevitable. The drive home was quiet, the girls tired after the weekend’s debauchery. I drove on autopilot, wondering if John had boarded the flight back to Ireland yet. Such a weekend it was. I’d never felt so high and so low in such a short space of time.
One thing was for sure, though, I’d glimpsed that there may just be someone out there who could make me smile and ignite some life back into me.
Even if it wasn’t John. Even if I never laid eyes on him again, he had awakened something in me.
I wanted more.
I couldn’t carry on pretending everything was ok when it was far from it.
