Grabbing my keys and my bag, I kiss the girls goodbye. I haven’t had time to get a new phone yet and in truth I haven’t missed the million notifications filled with other people’sopinions of me. ‘Have a great time at Phoebe’s, okay? Mammy loves you so much. I’ll see you tomorrow.’
Eden wraps her tiny arms around my neck and squeezes while Isla merely waves.
Ronan walks me to the front door and out onto the top step. The sun is blinding. I pull my sunglasses from my head and push them up onto my nose.
Ronan presses a quick kiss to my lips. ‘I’ll be right behind you.’ His strong supple arms pull me flush against his chest in a reassuring embrace.
The buzzing continues in his pocket.
‘You promise?’ I check. My hands are shaking, my legs feel like jelly, but with Ronan by my side, I can do this. I know I can.
Ronan presses another kiss to my lips and squeezes my shoulders encouragingly. ‘I promise I’ll be there. I’ve got you.’
Half an hour later, I pull up at the Velvet Strand, one of Dublin’s most scenic beaches. It’s been cordoned off from the public with white and red striped tape, like it’s a crime scene. It might just turn into one yet, if Ronan can’t control his rage. Any time Finn’s name has come up this week, a vein pulses furiously in Ronan’s temple and his fists clench into tight, angry balls.
The tide is out, leaving plenty of room on the beach for a huge coral-coloured marquee, which I assume is our base for the day. Burly security guys man the vicinity, halting any attempts to infiltrate the area. Several passers-by stop to stare, scanning the space for the source of excitement. I strut across the grass, taking deep controlled breaths.
A grey-haired woman with a clipboard approaches as I duck underneath the tape.
‘Savannah.’ She positively beams at me. Her voice is familiar from our telephone conversations.
‘Susie. It’s great to meet you.’ And to find a friendly face in a sea of strange ones. I raise my hand to my face to shield the sun from my eyes as I scan the beach. There’s no sign of Finn yet. My stomach churns.
‘And you, too. We’ve been so lucky with the weather this year, haven’t we?’ Susie’s small talk is doing nothing to distract me from the situation at hand.
Susie steers me by my elbow towards the marquee. ‘This way to hair and make-up.’
‘Where’s Ronan?’ Susie ducks through the opening of the marquee, the makeshift doors flapping in the gentle breeze.
I follow her in. ‘Dropping the girls to school. He’ll be here soon.’
A niggling inner voice pipes up out of the blueWhat if he’s not? What if he doesn’t show up and I’m left standing here like a fucking fool all on my own?
I mentally shake myself.
Ronan is not Finn. He’s not married. He’d never hurt me. He’d never let me down.
The hair and make-up staff manage to tame my hair into perfectly tousled-looking beach waves. My complexion looks naturally sun-kissed, even if it took over an hour of dabbing and patting to hide the pallor at the prospect of facing the man who put me off men for years.
There’s still no sign of Ronan. Panic swells in my stomach with every passing second. I need him. He’s like my six-foot-two security blanket. My own personal life raft.
I was worried about the water, but it’s not the sea that’s threatening to sink me.
Where is he?
Maybe he couldn’t get past the security. I reach for mybag, digging around for my phone before remembering I still don’t have one.
I inhale deeply through my nose, trying to quell the anxiety.
Susie returns with her clipboard, her gaze roaming over my bikini-clad body. The first bikini I’m modelling is a strapless number made from uplifting synthetic material, in a vibrant shade of coral, just like its brand name ‘Perhaps a slight bit more bronzer across here,’ she points to my chest, ‘to accentuate the collarbone.’
Two of the make-up artists dart over with brushes in hand while I continue to obsess about where my boyfriend is.
Susie gives me another once over and nods. ‘The camera crew is waiting for you. Where is Ronan?’
‘He’s on the way,’ I say, with a lot less certainty than I did an hour earlier.
He wouldn’t let me down.
