‘You know he has a load of helpers who dress like him, coz he can’t be everywhere at once,’ Phoebe explains glumly. ‘I did meet the real one once though. His beard was real, it was definitely him. It was the right colour, and it didn't wobble when he talked.’
‘If I made sure it’s definitely the real one, would you like to go?’
‘Sure.’ Phoebe shrugs noncommittally. ‘Do you think if I ask him to send my Mam back, he’d be able to work it?’
Anguish crushes my windpipe.
Ava bites her lip and continues to stack the dishwasher.
Eventually, Phoebe’s eyelids flutter closed and her breathing settles into a slow even rhythm. ‘I’m sorry you had to see all of this. Thank you, for what you said.’ We both know I’m not referring to her offer to go see Santa at the mansion. I pinch the bridge of my nose. ‘It’s important Phoebe knows it’s not her fault Teagan breezes in and out like the wind.’
‘I’m glad I could help. My heart breaks for her,’ Ava whispers, taking the seat next to me and tops up our glasses.
‘It gets harder each time.’ I exhale a weary breath. ‘How can a mother leave her child like that? Nothing in the world would persuade me to leave my daughter.’
‘And that’s just one of many reasons that you’re a brilliant father.’ Ava’s palm brushes my bicep.
I wet my lips, thinking out loud. ‘You really want a family?’
Ava doesn’t hesitate. ‘Yes.’ She picks up her glass, staring thoughtfully over it. ‘I hope me saying that doesn’t terrify you. It’s such early days and I know how you feel about relationships, but I’d be lying if I said anything else.’
Again, I’m torn. Ava’s warmth, her empathy and compassion, and the way she listens so attentively when Phoebe speaks leave me in no doubt, she’s made to be a mother. But I never envisioned having any more children. Just like I never envision myself getting married. But that was before Ava Jackson hijacked my life with her succulent lips and amorous approach.
My guts knot. Panic flares in my chest.
‘Hey.’ Ava traces a finger across the back of my hand. ‘Baby steps. Don’t freak out on me, please.’
It’s uncanny how well she can read me already. She pushes back her chair and stands. ‘I should go.’
‘I’ll get you a private hire car if you want to go, but please, don’t feel like you have to.’ After an announcement like that, she probably thinks she’d better give me a bit of space but selfishly, I don’t want to commit to anything, but I don’t want to let her go either.
‘It’s probably for the best. It’s been an eventful evening.’ She kisses Phoebe’s forehead tenderly, before her lips find mine. She pulls away all too soon leaving me hankering for something.
It’s that word again.
The one we spoke about in bed last Sunday morning.
More.
But I’m still not sure I’m able for it. No matter how badly I want to be.
ChapterThirty-One
AVA
Friday 15th December
‘Another hot date?’ Giles arches a white eyebrow as my heels click across the marble flooring.
‘Yeah, with my future sister-in-law and her friends, unfortunately.’ I hesitate at the glass revolving doors, drawing my coat tighter around my waist.
‘I thought you liked your sister-in-law?’ Giles’ weathered forehead crinkles further.
‘I do. A lot, in fact.’ I shrug. ‘But not as much as I like the divorce daddy.’
I haven't heard from Cillian all day and an anxious knot is starting to form in my stomach. I’m giving him space after what happened with Teagan on Wednesday night, and the subsequent conversations we had.
Giles sniggers. ‘Divorce daddy has a nice ring to it! He’s going to the wedding with you, isn't he?’
