Where Sally was always quiet, serious and studious, Holly’s a Mariah-Carey-impersonating pool of endless fun. She’s like an explosion of her brightly coloured paintings at the end of a long and lonely tunnel.
I reach out and take Holly’s hand, helping her out of the Jeep. Before her little tan ankle boot has even hit the ground, the front door flies open.
‘Ahh!’ Mam’s excited squeal pierces the air. ‘You made it!’ She skips down the driveway in a red roll neck jumper and the same plaid trousers she’s worn for years.
Dad appears in the open doorway, resting a broad shoulder against the frame. His tool belt is loosely strapped to his waist, and a pencil is tucked behind his ear as if we’ve caught him in the middle of another one of his endless odd jobs. His weathered lips quirk into a smile as he watches Mam rush to greet us. ‘Careful you don’t slip, Penny!’
And there it is, right there. The love between them is obvious.
That’s what I want.
That’s what I’ve been missing all these years.
I never thought I’d find it again. Hell, I never dared to let myself even try. And when it came down to it, it wasn’t even a conscious decision. Holly just happened, in the best possible way.
My chest constricts with love for the woman whose small hand is clasped in mine as my mother squishes us into an excited embrace.
‘I can’t believe you’re home! I was beginning to think I’d never see the day.’ Mam dabs her eyes with her fingers and shoos us up the driveway.
A thud sounds from my right, and instinctively my head whips round before I think to stop myself.
This is the moment I’ve spent the last few years wishing for and dreading in equal measure.
The one where I wondered if my heart would shatter into a million pieces. Well, what remained of it, anyway.
Sally-Ann’s familiar frame pauses in her doorway, her face frozen in an expression of surprise. Denim-coloured eyes widen as they soak me in. Her glossy dark hair is longer than I remember, hanging loosely over her shoulders in subtle waves. Her sallow skin bears the fine lines of a woman now, not the girl I used to know.
Her jaw slackens, her mouth drops into a tiny O. Our eyes lock in an intense exchange. The world pauses for a split second, like I’m watching in slow motion from above.
Mam and Dad hover awkwardly in my periphery, matching strained smiles stretch across their faces, watching as I face the very reason I’ve avoided coming home. The same reason I shut myself off from everyone. The same reason that ensured I spent the last number of years dating women I knew I’d never fall in love with.
But every fear of seeing Sally-Ann again dissipates like a deflating balloon. Even the baby strapped to her chest doesn’t tear up my heart like I thought it would.
Sally looks well. But the attraction that once motivated me has evaporated. Any feelings I had for my first love are well and truly gone.
It’s a relief. Or maybe a Christmas miracle.
No. The real miracle is the gorgeous brunette beside me. The one who inadvertently managed to unravel my jaded heart enough for it to contemplate loving someone again.
The woman who makes me laugh without even trying.
The one whose body fits with mine like it was carved out by a god I’m not sure I believe in, just for me. The one whose very touch makes my soul sing.
It’s taken me years to realise, but finally I can see the light through the trees. It wasn’t specifically Sally-Ann I’ve been pining for all these years. It was a love like it. A love as intense and long-lasting as the love my parents share.
One thatcanandwillstand every and any test of time.
What hurt was her marriage to my best friend, but now I’m finally back, I can see my pride was more wounded than my heart.
My love for Sally grew slowly and steadily. We were childhood friends for years before we became an item. That depth of familiarity and connection is hard to beat. Yet, in only a month, I’ve managed to achieve that and more with Holly.
Holly and her bouncing boobs in that crimson outfit will be forever imprinted in my mind. Her smart mouth and sparkling personality hit me harder than an avalanche of seasonal snow. The warmth she exudes combined with her subtle vulnerability is enough to bring me to my knees.
And being the way she is, with her huge heart permanently displayed on her sleeve for the entire world to see, she’s made it abundantly transparent she feels the same about me.
‘Are you okay?’ Holly murmurs, watching as I stare at Sally-Ann like I’ve seen a ghost.
Which is precisely what Sally-Ann is.
