* * *
By eight thirty, the bar area’s overflowing with relatives, neighbours and family friends from years gone by. Over a hundred guests arrived, including Sean’s parents, who I’d so far managed to avoid. Mammy’s in her element, working the crowd, feebly proclaiming she didn’t want a fuss. Daddy stands at the bar, buying drinks for everyone and anyone he meets.
Alicia’s new man, Luke, the college boy, arrives. Dad’s renamed him Alicia’s ‘jailbait’ as she currently introduces him to Mam’s three sisters, who congregate like the witches of Eastwick.
Dad’s brother Davey creeps up beside me, startling me. ‘All alone again, are you?’
‘Looks that way, doesn’t it.’ I refuse to make excuses for Callum’s absence. To a person with no knowledge of the situation, it might sound feeble. I know the truth, though it doesn’t stop me glancing at the door for the hundredth time, praying for a miracle. I’d heard nothing since six o’clock, but at least he found his father. It would have been unfair to expect him to leave Jimmy after everything.
A few movers and shakers fill the makeshift dance floor already. The band plays lively covers from the seventies and eighties. I’d need to consume an entire bottle of wine before contemplating dancing, a prospect I haven’t yet ruled out. The escalating noise level’s all too much. I crave a breather and some fresh air.
Pinching a bottle of white wine from one of twenty positioned at the end of a long buffet table, I head outside with a fresh glass. The evening has dried up, and the temptation of a little solitude is too inviting to pass on. The full skirt of my black, knee-length prom dress swishes from side to side as I stroll pointedly through the reception and out the front door.
Several evening strollers nod at me as I cross the road to sit at a vacant wooden picnic table overlooking the Shannon. I tuck my pointed platinum stilettos under the table and squint at the fuchsia scene in the sky. The screw cap twists open easily and I slug a generous measure into my glass, enjoying the burn as it slips down my throat.
Birds sing carelessly and distant laughter echoes in the background. I close my eyes and allow the last of the evening rays to warm my face.
The wood stained bench bends suddenly under the weight of another body and my eyes fly open in surprise. Next to me, sits the very man that I’d been determined not to think about all day, the very man I used to dream with, in this exact spot.
Cream chinos and a khaki shirt hug his lean frame. His hazel eyes burn intently on me. He runs a hand thoughtfully over his short designer stubble. He’s still attractive. There’s no denying it.
‘Abby.’ My name had fallen silkily from that tongue a million times, yet it hadn’t meant enough in the end.
‘Sean, what are you doing here?’ It wasn’t a complete surprise. A tiny part inside acknowledged there was a chance he might arrive. It’s a small town after all.
Did a part of me even want him to? With Callum’s sudden departure and the nostalgia and familiarity of my hometown, I’m reminded of the life I had once before.
It had been a good life, one that I wouldn’t have given up, had the decision been left to me.
‘If my father catches sight of you, he’s likely to skin you alive.’ I glance around, guilty by association, yet his presence here is almost fitting.
‘Abby, please, there’s so much I need to tell you.’ He launches in, not even pausing to draw breath. ‘I made the biggest mistake leaving you, but we were too young. The thought of forever freaked me out. Now I only dream of it.’ He inches closer to me.
‘Don’t, Sean, just don’t. It doesn’t matter anymore.’ Why does he have to rock the boat? I wonder, if I hadn’t met Callum, would I take Sean back? Would he ever have resurfaced if it wasn’t for Callum’s role in my life?
‘For years, I willed you to return. There was plenty that I wanted to say to you. Since I met Callum, I don’t feel the need. There’s nothing to say. It’s over between us, it has been for years.’
My anger evaporates. A deep sense of sadness threatens to set in its place, sadness for what might have been, especially when I look at my parents. Thirty years married today. Will I ever have that with Callum? With anyone, for that matter?
It’s time for Sean to go. I’ve moved on. Now he’s here, I’m not even remotely interested in why he left me. Suddenly, none of it matters.
‘I love you, Abby. I’ve spent the last four years regretting my decision, too ashamed to show my face, wondering what it might take to win you back.’ He tries to take my hand, but I shrug him off.
‘You’re too late…’ A salty tear slides down my right cheek. Tears for my family, tears for my younger self, certainly not tears for him.
Mistaking my emotion, Sean throws his arms around me, pulling me into a chest that feels all wrong.
‘I’m so sorry, Abs.’
Furious footsteps approach from behind us. I break away from Sean’s embrace in time to see Callum swing a punch at Sean’s face.
‘What the fuck, man? Get your hands off her.’ Callum towers over us in a thunderous stance.
‘In case you didn’t notice, she wasn’t exactly pushing me away.’ Sean smirks, twisting the knife. Nothing to lose and all to gain.
Passers-by gather to witness the heightening exchange, and I pray that Mam and Dad remain in the bar, oblivious to the commotion.
‘One more word out of your poisonous mouth, and I will knock your head clean off your neck. Do you understand me?’ Callum’s voice’s dangerously low, aware of our increasing audience.
