Dad’s thin pursed lips lift into a half smile/half grimace. ‘Pleased to meet you.’ His voice is hoarse. I suppose he did just almost choke to death.
‘Victoria’s a doctor.’ Andie repeats what Victoria already told him, doing her best to fill the awkward silence. ‘Although we didn’t need a doctor in the end, did we?’
Andie’s hand brushes over mine. ‘Thank God you were here.’
My father’s eyes rise to meet mine. The whites are yellow and gunky. Narrow, dark pupils stare expressionlessly at me. Awkwardness hangs in the air between us. Years of unspoken resentment loom like a black, thunderous cloud overhead.
I don’t speak.
Where would I even start?
Dad bristles and breaks the silence. ‘Thank you.’ His words sound thick, strained, unnatural.
My head nods, but my lips refuse to budge.
Something about being in front of him makes me feel like an inadequate child again. The weight of his eternal disappointment returns to my shoulders.
When Andie’s satisfied Dad’s tucked in tight enough he can barely move, she turns to me. ‘Would you like a minute?’
My father’s eyes lock with mine in a hard stare. Like he’s waiting.
The ball’s in my court.
Victoria sidesteps towards the door and squeezes my arm in encouragement as she passes. Her words from earlier at the lake flash through my mind.
‘Maybe you should truly make peace, instead of pretending to.’
We’re never going to be close. I’ll always be a disappointment to him. But if there’s a way to let go of some of the animosity between us, perhaps it’s time to find out?
My head nods again and something that looks suspiciously like a fleeting flicker of hope flashes across my father’s face.
Andie smooths her hand over her dress, beaming in approval. ‘I’ll put the kettle on.’
She follows Victoria out of the room, leaving me with the man I’ve spent most of my life avoiding.
My back rests against the wall as I try to find something appropriate to say. “How’ve you been?” isn’t quite going to cut it.
‘Thank you. Really.’ Dad swallows hard, wincing as he readjusts himself in the bed. ‘I’m sure it was tempting to watch with a bag of popcorn while your old man got his comeuppance in front of your eyes.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous, Dad. I never wished you any harm.’
All I ever wanted was your approval.
‘I suppose I wouldn’t blame you if you did.’ He shifts uncomfortably beneath the covers. ‘Wasn’t exactly the most loving father, was I?’
‘You could say that.’ My arms fold across my chest. ‘But I guess you had your reasons.’
He swallows hard. ‘I loved your mother more than anything on this earth. She was my absolute everything. Each time she walked into a room, she lit it up brighter than a shooting star. When she died…’ He shakes his head sadly.
‘You blamed me. I know.’ My jaw locks.
‘I did. And I’m sorry for that, son. Really, I am.’ He gulps in a large breath before exhaling slowly. ‘It was easier to blame you than to blame myself.’
‘It was a tragedy.’ Her death. His treatment of me.
Our lack of relationship.
Shame it took him reaching death’s door to realise it.
