Fuck, do I even want to live stateside anymore? There’s no doubt I love my LA villa, but it’s a completely different world over there.
I palm the stubble dotting my jawline, not certain if I know anymore.
Did I enjoy Vegas? Yes, of course.
Do I want to go on tour again? Forty-eight cities in as many days – no fucking way. It sounds like torture.
Contractually, I’m obliged to provide another two albums and world tours, but dates have yet to be confirmed.
Perhaps I can negotiate extra album material, for fewer dates? Jayden should be able to do it. That’s what I pay him for. If he can’t swing it, no one can. But there is no way I’ll be able to escape the tours completely, and though my priorities have changed and I’d like to take it a bit easier, I’m not ready to give up the music industry entirely yet. I’ve enjoyed the creativity of composing again.
I have no idea how to juggle everything. How it will work between us. But it’s becoming increasingly clear that Sasha and I need to have a frank and serious conversation in the imminent future. While the women discuss the latest on the Christmas ball, I’m wondering how to juggle all the balls.
***
I manage to persuade Sasha to hop into the hot tub with me. Her head rests on my shoulder as I balance her between my thighs, supporting her weightless frame with an arm across her chest. My hands refuse to stay away from her body. They have a mind of their own.
‘What was your favourite part of the trip?’ I ask before taking a sip of a smoky twenty-year-old whiskey, distilled here in Dublin.
She inhales a long breath as she quietly contemplates.
‘I loved the private helicopter trip to the Grand Canyon. I loved the shopping. The bright lights. The winter sunshine. The suite that made my own fabulous castle appear simple.’ Her head twists round to make eye contact. ‘Most of all, I loved seeing you perform. You were born to be on that stage. I knew it when we were kids, but watching you up there in all your magnificent glory simply reinforced it. Watching you was…’ She bites her lower lip while she struggles to find the right word.
‘Mesmerising.’ Bright jade eyes glitter under the night sky.
‘Thanks, but you’re wrong. What I was made to do, was you.’ My fingers trace the underside of her breast. It’s only been a couple of hours but my need for her rises again.
A tiny sigh escapes her but it doesn’t sound like the usual sigh of contentment. The one I’ve come to love, along with everything else about her.
‘You don’t agree?’ I swallow down the concern rising in my chest.
‘I do agree, but I’m not the only factor at play here.’ She wiggles free from my arm, turning to face me. ‘Jayden told me about the world tours.’
I bet he did.
‘Nothing’s confirmed yet.’ Swirling the amber liquid in the glass, I can’t quite meet her gaze.
‘But you are contractually obliged, right?’ Loose tendrils of hair drift across her face in the winter wind and she sweeps them from her eyes to examine me again.
‘To some extent. There’s scope for negotiation.’ It would be expensive, but it’s not impossible to get out of.
‘We’ve been living in the most fabulous romantic bubble since you arrived, Ryan, but I’m not sure how we’re going to negotiate our way through the real world.’ She sighs again. ‘I’m not being negative here, just trying to add a touch of realism.’
She’s right. It’s a conversation I know we need to have, so why am I dreading it so much?
‘When you said Victoria will be leaving for college in a few months, I thought you were suggesting you’d be free to move to the States with me, for a year or two maybe.’
Her sharp intake of breath assures me she was suggesting nothing of the sort.
‘What about the castle? I can’t just up and leave. It’s my family heritage.’
‘Can’t you let Megan run it for you on a day-to-day basis? You could oversee it from anywhere once you have Wi-Fi.’
‘So you want me to simply up and leave with you, is that it? You just assume your career is more important than mine?’ Arms cross over her bare chest.
Reaching for her, I pull her towards me, planting a kiss on her make-up-free face. ‘I’m not assuming anything, except you might possibly have more freedom over the next year or so than I do. I’m not averse to living in Ireland. I just can’t commit to it on a full-time basis at this moment in time. Perhaps we could do half the year here and half the year there? Or I could do what I have to do for a couple of months and get back as often as I can.’
It’s not a prospect I relish in the slightest. I hate the idea of being away for a couple of nights, let alone months.
