‘He’s my father. Nothing will ever change that, but I’m glad he’s behind bars. And believe it or not, he’s glad to be there too. He flew in specifically to turn himself in. He couldn’t escape the guilt and shame. He tried damn hard for the past ten years. Sasha, I know this changes everything between us, but it doesn’t change how I feel about you. I love you more than life itself.’
I feel the same. Unfortunately.
‘I need to clear my head. Don’t follow me.’
Ducking out the back door, I step into the crisp afternoon air. It’s below freezing and the ferns bend under the frost, unable to fully support its weight and unable to shake it off. I know exactly how they feel.
Strolling over the gravel pathways, I instinctively find myself heading towards the cabins. They’re the furthest spot from the castle and the opposite side to where the marquee’s erected. The staff are bustling in and out, laden with supplies in preparation for tonight. The further away I get, the easier it is to breathe.
It was a shock.
A fucking huge one.
So many fragmented thoughts, images and broken memories whizz through my brain, it’s hard to pick out one clearly to even attempt to analyse it.
Even if Ryan didn’t know, loving the man whose father killed my parents seems like a betrayal to them. To their memory. For years, I imagined the elation I’d feel if justice was ever served. Now that justice is tainted with sorrow because try as I might, I can’t help but feel sorry for Ryan.
He didn’t ask for any of this. Jayden revealed enough about the hardships they suffered before they made it to the top.
It’s just so messed up. So weirdly incestuous the way our lives have been interwoven, tethered with an invisible thread, yet not in a good way.
What happened will always be between us. And I don’t know if I can ever get over that.
The wind picks up, howling through the old oak trees and a shiver rips over my spine.
The first cabin I reach is the one Ryan’s family rented. The one I’ve been meaning to do something with for years, but never quite been able to face. Maybe it’s time.
I let myself in with the universal key. Stepping into the dimly lit hall, the scent of dust and grime assaults my nostrils once again, but at least it’s warmer than outside. And more importantly, it’s quiet. Finally, I might be able to think straight.
Running my fingers over the dirty mantlepiece, I glance at the wall clock that long since stopped ticking. The Christmas decorations from years earlier are swamped with grime and silvery webs. They’re a sorry state. A bit like myself.
A pitter-pattering noise begins rhythmically striking the Velux windows above. Glancing up, I see white sheets of sleet beating down.
A sound from further inside the cabin startles me.
Hesitantly, my feet carry me towards the bedrooms. Ryan’s was the first on the left. My heart hammers in my chest, even though I know he’s not here. Regardless that it’s been ten years and I actually own the place, I still feel like I’m trespassing.
Opening the wardrobe, my fingers trace the clothes that have been hanging in the same spot untouched since that night. Inhaling the neck of one of his shirts, the scent of him has long since been replaced with a musty smell.
‘I thought I’d find you here.’ I leap into the air like I’ve been shot at the sound of Jayden’s low, husky voice.
My hand clutches the material covering my chest. ‘You scared the shit out of me.’
‘Sorry, I guess you weren’t the only one who wanted to take a trip down memory lane.’ He arches a black bushy eyebrow. No trace of a smile lines his lips.
‘Ryan told you?’ His tone assures me he knows the answer already.
Nodding, I purse my lips to prevent from lashing out. It’s not Jayden’s fault his father ran my parents off a cliff.
So, why is it Ryan’s then?a voice screams through my mind.
That’s different.Is it though? Really?
What he said was true – he lost a parent too. The only one he had for most of his life.
‘I’m so sorry, Sasha. We had no idea. Truly. Until a few weeks ago, neither of us even knew your parents had passed.’
A flashback of Ryan’s initial return forces itself to the forefront of my brain with an unwavering clarity.
