As long as I don’t focus on the logistics of him living an entirely different life to me, in a far-flung country. He practically begged for another chance. He won’t leave me again. He won’t.
***
Ryan is ridiculously good with the band; he’s kind and interested, and offers Matt some sound advice and encouraging praise. Even Conor looks grateful.
The guys shake hands and arrange to meet to practise with Ryan the week before the ball. This gig for them, as small as it is compared to the likes of Vegas and New York gigs, will give Matt’s band the biggest kickstart they could ever have hoped for. It will inevitably end up all over the news and social media. They’ll get more exposure this way than if they played in the O2, Dublin’s most popular venue.
Ryan perches against one of the ballroom tables, its white starched cloth hidden beneath his insanely toned backside. He gazes on, waiting for me as Megan goes through the logistics of the ball. I’m only half concentrating, acutely aware of his eyes on my body. He’s not even attempting to be subtle about it.
From my periphery, I notice Conor approaching the table. He extends a hand to Ryan, who pauses for a split second before taking it. Conor, thankfully, isn’t one to hold a grudge and even he can’t deny how much Ryan’s presence has helped everyone, even his own family.
‘Thanks, man. I appreciate what you’re doing for Matt.’
Ryan nods, his eyes still lingering on me, searing straight through my shirt.
‘We all had to start somewhere. He seems like a good kid.’ From the way he talks, you’d swear he was forty-eight, not-twenty-eight, but I guess he has more life experience than most.
‘He is. And she’s a good girl, too.’ Conor nods at me. Megan even pauses from running through the stage production suggestions in order to eavesdrop.
‘She’s all woman,’ Ryan says. ‘And not just a good one, she’s the best.’
‘I meant what I said earlier. Don’t break her heart. She barely survived the first time. What with her parents, and then the baby.’
Ryan’s head snaps up as mine instinctively twists in his direction.
‘It was fucking cruel she had to endure that alone,’ Conor continues his warning, oblivious that he’s spilled the only secret I deliberately kept from Ryan.
A thunderous look consumes his face as he yanks his hand back from Conor’s grip, folding his arms across his chest.
Conor, used to Ryan’s stand-offish behaviour towards him, is none the wiser.
Megan’s nostrils flare as she glances from Ryan to me. In a flash he’s by my side, the palm of his hand pressing against the small of my back.
‘Upstairs, please.’
It’s the words I’ve been longing for him to say since we left the pantry, just not under these circumstances.
CHAPTERTWENTY
RYAN
My head’s reeling from Conor’s revelation. Was it my baby?
Or was it someone after me?
That night, on the couch… the night I left.
It’s a possibility.
One I never even considered.
We’d fooled around so many times before but it was the first time she let me take her properly. It was the single most beautiful experience of my life. The thought that it might have caused her so much subsequent sadness sickens me.
Guiding Sasha upstairs, I steer her towards the penthouse rather than her own family quarters. I need answers and I won’t get them if Victoria happens to be vegging out watchingI’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out of Hereon full blast like only a teenager can.
Nodding at the security guards, I close the door firmly behind us.
The colour’s drained entirely from Sasha’s already porcelain complexion. She looks positively ghostly.
