‘I was always jealous of you, you know. You were always that bit faster than me, that bit sharper. You had a natural integrity that I never did. Though I mocked your sensitivity, I kind of thought of it like a bit of a super power. You always had an edge because you’d bothered to think things through first, analyse the outcome before you bulldozed in head first like me, not caring who I pissed off in the process.’
If I was any sort of brother, I’d open my eyes, tell him I understand. But I can’t. I want to hear the truths he could never say to my face. I don’t have to wait long for him to continue. He clears his throat and begins again.
‘Did you know it was me that pestered Mam to start us rugby training? Having watched an Ireland match in the hotel bar on a big screen aged seven, I was adamant I wanted to be on that pitch wearing that green jersey. Things didn’t exactly work out as I’d hoped.’
This is the crux of it. I’ve always known. I’ve also always known that if it was the other way round, if he’d been picked instead of me, I’d have behaved very differently. But we are very different people. It’s the only thing we have ever agreed on.
He sighs, his shoes dragging across the squeaky floor as he repositions himself.
‘I’m not in love with Anita. I don’t even actually like her much. She’s needy and complex and I can’t cope with that. I only slept with her to piss you off. Of course I didn’t factor her getting pregnant. Serves me right, I guess. I’ve made my bed, so I will lie in it. Most of the time.’ He sighs again.
Still I don’t open my eyes. I need know if there’s a point to his confession, or if he’s just trying to rile me enough to wake me back into consciousness. Minutes pass in silence, the only sound the ticking of a wall clock somewhere. Eventually it comes, the apology I’ve been waiting for.
‘I’m sorry, man. I guess it boiled down to jealousy.’ He pats the back of my hand, grazing the tubing inserted into my veins and I flinch.
‘Mam and Dad are on their way. Anita is in the canteen downstairs talking to some physiotherapist friend of yours and some of your teammates who are all worried sick by the way.’
My eyes fly open. ‘Amy is here?’
‘You’re awake?’ His eyes widen with excitement a second before his face furrows into a frown. ‘You were listening to every word, you fucking douche!’
‘I waited a long time for that apology.’ I shrug and pain shoots through my ribs. ‘I must say, you weren’t the person I would have expected to see waiting by my bedside.’
‘You gave me a fucking fright. It was a long drive from Westport. I had time to think, to realise what a prick I’ve been all these years.’
‘Forget it, but please do right by Anita. For old times’ sake.’
‘Easier said than done. I think the two of us will have to sit down and have a frank conversation about what we want because honestly, I don’t think it’s each other.’ He relaxes back into the armchair. ‘How are you feeling? You got roughed up rightly.’
‘You should have seen the other guys.’ It’s an in-joke from school. ‘I’m sore, but my pride is wounded more than anything. And I really need to see Amy. Is she ok?’
‘She looked pretty fine when I saw her.’ Luke raises his eyebrows at me.
‘Don’t even fucking think about it.’ I growl and he laughs, raising his hands in surrender. ‘I already have to fight her own brother for her, but I’ll fight you as well if I have to.’
‘Want me to send her up? I’ll ring Mam and Dad and tell them you’ve woken up with your usual sensibilities.’ He stands, pushing back the chair. Before he turns away, he offers out a hand to shake mine.
‘Friends?’ he says.
‘Never thought I’d see the fucking day.’
He gives a small squeeze before he lets go. A small smile forms on his lips. ‘You gave me such a fright. You’re supposed to be mine to torment. If I ever find those fuckers that did this…’ His glinting eyes darken with violence.
‘Forget it. I’m ok. At least it let us clear the air. Now if I can only do the same with Amy.’
He nods at me, a silent goodbye before leaving the room.
ChapterThirty-One
AMY
Eddie, Nathan, Marcus, James, Callum and I congregate in the hospital waiting area. We’ve been told Ollie isn’t critical, which offers some relief, but I won’t settle until I see him for myself.
‘Those cowardly bastards. It took four of them to take him on.’ Callum shakes his head with disgust, a thunderous look painted across his face.
Eddie visibly winces, yet to admit that he too had a pop at Ollie today. By the pained look on his face the guilt is eating him alive. He shouldn’t have shoved him. And I shouldn’t have sent him out of my parents’ house either. But we aren’t to blame for this, the guys that attacked him are.
The tears fall freely from my cheeks. Nathan stares quietly ahead, his eyes straying to me every now and again. If the lads had no idea about our relationship before tonight, they can be under no illusion now. Especially with the whopping great ring glinting under the fluorescent lights.
