Ben nodded.He wasn’t sure he had actually said that, but he did agree he wanted that so he went with it.“Great.Last time, I asked each of you to do some reflection homework.Were you able to complete that?And if so, would you be comfortable sharing your responses with each other?”
Ben immediately reached for his journal and opened it.He was surprised to see that Ella only had a single sheet of paper.He had expected her to show up with a PowerPoint presentation and make his notes look weak.In fact, he had worried that what he had done might not be enough.To see that he had written much more than her was shocking.He was dying to know what all she had written and wondered how she had been able to answer all of it on a single piece of paper, when it had taken him, a super brief guy, several pages.
Seeing Ben looking over, trying to read Ella’s paper, Jeff said, “Ben, it looks like you are anxious to get started.Why don’t I go over what all I asked you to do.Once Ella understands what your assignment was, she will be ready to listen to your responses.”
“Did we not have the same homework?”asked Ben.No wonder Ella only had one page.He had gotten the lion’s share of the work.Ben wondered what that said about him.Evidently, Jeff thought Ben had more issues to deal with than Ella.
“No.I tried to tailor the assignment to what each of you said in our meeting.”
Ben nodded, resisting the urge to declare the whole thing not fair like a two-year-old.It only seemed right that because Ella had insisted they do this that she should have to do as much work as him.But, nope.Oh well.Shrugging it off, Ben looked down at his notebook and waited for Jeff to read the overview of the assignment.
“Ella, I asked Ben to work through several assignments.His first was to think back to the early days of your relationship.What attracted him to you?What helped your relationship grow and develop, and what were the best parts of those days?What were the more challenging parts?
“For the second assignment, I asked him to outline both his and your individual goals for the futures, beginning from when you first met and to make notes about how and why those goals changed.I also asked him to determine if the goals were joint or separate.In regards to the changes in goals, I asked him to reflect on whether one person’s agenda hijacked the relationship.Lastly, I asked him to write down all the best things about being married to you and the most challenging part of being married to you.”Looking up at Ella, Daniels asked, “Ella before Ben shares his responses, do you understand what he was asked to do?”
Ella nodded.She gave Ben a soft smile.Hearing Jeff read all of that, she was really glad her homework was so much less and felt bad for Ben.He had been working so hard to finish his final grad project, do his job, and now complete all of this.Looking at the pages of answers he was ready to share and then up at Ben, she said, “Wow.That was a lot.I am really impressed you have worked so hard on this.It means a lot to me.”
At her words, Ben shrugged.“Of course, I would work hard on this.I would do anything for you.”
Ella returned his smile, thinking,Yea, everything but walk away from the life you were born to lead.Trying to stop her mind from running away from her, Ella swallowed and promised herself to listen with an open mind.
“Before you begin, Ella, I ask you not to interrupt with questions or comments until Ben is done.”
Ben cleared his throat and began to read his answers.By the time he finished, Ella was quietly crying.Tears streamed down her face.His words told Ella just how much he loved her.She also realized that while he was the one who had hijacked the relationship and changed everything, he still seemed to see their problems as her trying to leave him.
Ben reached over and wrapped Ella in a hug.It killed him to see her cry.Jeff handed her a box of tissues as Ben tried to soothe her.“Shush.Please don’t cry.I hate it when you cry.”
Wiping her tears, Ella said, “I am sorry, but your words were just so moving.I can tell you have taken this very seriously.”
“I have,” replied Ben.“You and John mean everything to me.”
“I know,” cried Ella.“But this is all so hard.Why is everything with us always so hard?”
Shaking his head as his rubbed circles on her back, Ben said, “I don’t know.But it is.”
Jeff gave them a minute, then asked, “Ella, do you have any questions for Ben?”
Ella was too far gone in her tears for questions, so she shook her head no.
“Okay, well are you ready to read your response for Ben?”Ella nodded.Jeff turned to Ben and said, “Ella’s assignment was to reflect on all the things she loves about you.Do you understand what she was tasked with?Do you have any questions before she begins?”
Ben shook his head no and resisted the urge to yell, “Not fair!”again.Ella got off so much easier!
Picking up the paper laying on her lap, Ella wiped away the last of her tears and began to read her response.
Answers for Couples Therapy
Things I love about Ben: His intelligence, his wit, his sense of humor, his work ethic, his kindness, his sweet spirit, how his loves me, how much fun we always have together, how he is with his sisters, how he is with parents, how loyal he is, how I can count on him to always have my back, how much he already loves John
After Ella finished reading her list, she added, “And he is pretty easy on the eyes too!”
Ben, who had tears in his eyes, gave her a funny look when she added the last part.“I think you are pretty spectacular yourself.”Turning to look at Jeff, Ben said, “You’d think for a couple who says such great things about each other, we would not need couples therapy.”
Jeff laughed and said, “Well, I think the fact that you are both so open to praising and honestly complimenting each other means that most of the work is already done.Ben, this is where I would ask if you had any questions about what Ella wrote, but since our time is up, that will need to wait until next time.”
Nodding, Ella and Ben stood as Jeff said, “No homework this week.I am going to be gone next week to a conference, so we can’t meet again until the last week of May.The baby is due mid-June.If he comes early, we can reschedule.”
Ella laughed and said, “Oh, I don’t expect that to happen.My mom says first babies are always late.I have been trying to finish my soil study and have done nothing to set up the nursery.I plan to spend the first two weeks of June doing that.”
