Or has one person’s agenda hijacked the relationship?Me.I hijacked this marriage.I changed all of the plans.I have no idea how to fix it.
With all of the questions answered, Ben closed his journal and felt a deep sadness—worse than anything he had ever felt before.
The next few days, Ben spent a ridiculous amount of time trying to figure out a way to fix his marriage without walking away from everything he had ever wanted.He now knew that if he didn’t, he was asking the woman he loved more than anything else in this world, the mother of his son, to do that very same thing.
Ben had been a total grouch at work.The only highlight was his nightly calls with Ella.They made plans to spend the upcoming weekend together.Ella was going to come to Little Rock on Friday afternoon so they could meet with Jeff.
While Ben was not looking forward to another counseling session, he could hardly wait to see Ella.Talking to her every night was just not enough.He needed more.So much more.
He still had one more question to answer before their meeting with Jeff.On Thursday night after his call to Ella, Ben crawled in bed with his journal and reread the last question.Ben’s first instinct was to quickly answer the question off the top of his head, then watch the end of the Arkansas baseball game.But something stopped him.This was too important to just throw together.If this process had taught him nothing else, it was that quiet reflection could lead to a deep understanding of one’s self.
Ben actually groaned out loud at his own thoughts.He was sounding like a wacko.But as much as he hated how he sounded, he knew he had hit on a nugget of truth.With that thought, he propped himself up in his bed and let his mind ponder all the things he loved about Ella.
Notes for Jeff Question 3
What do you love best about being married to Ella and what you find most challenging?
Best: Holding her, kissing her, sleeping next to her, waking up next to her, watching tv with her, talking about politics with her, doing literally everything with her,
Most challenging: Being apart and lack of time we spend together, never knowing what is going to set her off, her family, not knowing if our life here can ever be enough, her need to leave me when all I want is to be with her,
Chapter 31
The next day, Ella got up extra early to get some work in before racing to Little Rock for their session.Much to her complete embarrassment after berating Ben for missing their first counseling session, she was forced to cancel not one, but two, sessions herself—the first time because she had a Zoom with Mr.Waters, the state soil people, and Blesson.Ella felt two feet tall calling Ben and telling him she was going to have to reschedule.The second time was because she was having bouts of dizziness and nausea and not up to driving to Little Rock.It was not as severe as when she was in the first trimester, but it was bad enough she had to postpone a second time.Ben, being the sweetheart he was, never gave her grief for canceling.He just said he understood and let it go.Somehow that made Ella feel even worse.
Today, as Ella drove, she admitted that it was the worst day for her to leave work, but after rescheduling the past two sessions, Ella was pretty sure Ben would call the whole thing off if she did.Blesson, who was doing better, had flown in unexpectedly.He and Waters wanted to meet.Ella texted that she had an appointment in Little Rock and would be back as soon as she could.
Ella rolled into the therapy office with three minutes to spare and immediately spotted Ben as she walked into the door.The second he saw her, his whole face lit up.Jumping up from the couch, Ben gave her a quick peck on the lips.What he really wanted to do was grab her and kiss the sense out of her.He was so excited to see her that he had arranged to be off the rest of the afternoon to be with her after their session.She was only there a moment when they were ushered into Jeff’s office without much fanfare.
Much to Ben’s surprise, he was excited about the session to share his new perspective on their relationship with Ella.Several times over the past two weeks, he had wanted to talk about his responses, but Jeff had suggested they wait and do it in a neutral space.Ben thought that was a little over the top.Anywhere they were together should have been a safe place for both of them.If that weren’t the case, Ben feared they had bigger problems than Jeff could help them with.
“Good morning, come in,” said Jeff, who was attired in his customary khaki pants and buttoned-down with his man bun high and tight on the top of his head.Jeff gestured to the chairs in front of his desk and asked, “How has your week been going?”
Ben shrugged, “Busy.But, good, I guess.”
“You guess?”asked Jeff.
“Well, it is better now that Ella is here.”Ben smiled at Ella, who returned the smile.
“Well, good.I am glad you like being together.That is a great place to start couples therapy.How about you, Ella?How has your week been?”
Shrugging, Ella touched her ever-expanding belly.“Okay.Work is crazy, and I am dealing with all of the pregnancy stuff.”
Giving her a blank look, Jeff asked, “Pregnancy stuff?”
“Yeah, you know.Not sleeping, heartburn, swollen everything.Just normal stuff.”
“Just normal stuff?You will have to forgive me.My wife and I have only been married a year and don’t have any kids yet.I haven’t really gone through all of it.”
If Ella needed a reminder that they had gotten their relationship completely out of order, it was having her thirty-something therapist explain that he was so new to marriage, only a year in, he had no idea about what pregnant women faced.Considering he had been married longer than she and Ben and was a professional, she felt like a kid playing house, only it wasn’t make-believe.
After a moment, Jeff added, “But I must say, you are glowing.”
Ella blushed, and Ben laughed and said, “I totally agree.You are glowing.”Taking her hand, he gave it a soft kiss.
“So, this is our first visit as a couple.As you know, I typically do this one first, but as we have gotten things a little out of order, let’s back up and make sure we are all on the same page since it has been a hot minute since I met with each of you.”Glancing at his notes, Jeff continued.“Ella, when we met, you said you wanted to learn strategies that would help you better manage your marriage on a daily basis and to be able to work together more to make major life decisions.Is that right?”Jeff looked at Ella, who just nodded her head, almost self-consciously.
Turning to Ben, Jeff said, “And you, Ben, you said your goal was to make Ella happy and be able to see and understand your partner’s perspective more clearly.Would you agree?”
