“Was it a normal period?”asked the doctor, still giving Ella a strange look.
“Well, hmm, come to think of it, it was kind of shorter than normal.But a short period is always a good period, so I did not think too much of it.Why?Is there a problem?”
Now, Ella was starting to worry.She had a period.She knew she had.She saw it.Why was the doctor asking her all of these questions?
“Well, Ella, your hCG levels are elevated.You tested positive on our standard pregnancy test.It is rare to get a false positive.However, if you are sure, we can do another test.Let me order another one.I will be right back.”
It felt like 1,000 years passed as Ella sat on the end of that exam table, draped in a paper gown, waiting for the doctor to come back and tell her everything was okay.That whole time, she prayed harder than she ever had.The test had to be wrong.It had to be a fluke.She could not be pregnant.She just couldn’t be.When the doctor returned, Ella could tell by the look on her face.The test had not been wrong.The nuns were right.Ella was doomed.
Seeing Ella’s anxious face and how close to tears she was, the doctor softly rubbed her hand along Ella’s arm for comfort as she said, “Well, I am sorry.It was not a false positive.You are definitely pregnant.”
The doctor continued talking, but Ella did not hear another word.All she could hear were the words, “You are definitely pregnant,” bouncing around in her head.
Chapter 11
Malibu, California
What a crazy twenty-four hours it was for Ella.One minute, she was at her first gyno appointment, totally focused on getting her IUD so that the birth control issue would be off the table for at least five years, and the next she was on a bus headed to Malibu, running away from the disaster her life had become.
After Ella left the doctor’s office, she went back to Julia’s and had a complete meltdown.Julia found her on the bathroom floor, crying her eyes out and throwing up.Ella had not had a single pregnancy symptom until she knew she was pregnant.Then wham!She was nauseated and puking for all she was worth.She was not sure if it was from fear or the pregnancy.Or both.Either way, it was awful.
Julia managed to get Ella up and off the bathroom floor and into the living room on the couch.She forced some herbal tea down her and calmed her enough so that Ella was able to tell her what had happened.Once Julia got Ella talking, it all poured out, words, tears, snot, and fear flying everywhere.
Ella began with her trip to the doctor to get an IUD and instead came out pregnant.She lamented how her life would change with a baby.She brought up grad school, her life plan, her parents, her future, Ben, Ben’s parents, Ben’s future.In that moment, clouded by fear and uncertainty, all Ella could see was that a baby was going to ruin everything.She kept repeating that she couldn’t have a baby.She just couldn’t.Then in the next breath, she would wail and say of course she had no choice.She had to have the baby.She could never hurt or give away her child.But she just wasn’t ready.What freaked Ella out the most was telling her parents.She knew they were going to lose their minds.If it was Sophie who was unmarried and pregnant, no one would bat an eye.Everyone knew she and Paulo were getting married over the summer anyway.But Ella was the golden child.She had a future.Expectations.
Ella’s parents knew nothing of Ben.He was everything they weren’t.He was Protestant.He was from Arkansas.But worst of all, other than the two times he ate at the diner, they had never met him.They did not know him.It was going to be a cluster.After almost an hour of nonstop crying and ranting, Ella collapsed on the couch, begging Julia to tell her what to do because Ella did not have a clue.
Through it all, Julia listened without judgment or offering advice.She nodded and affirmed everything her cousin said.But mainly, she let Ella vent.She had known that Ella would not be ready to listen to any advice until she had worn herself out processing the situation.So while Ella had been talking, Julia had listened and planned her words carefully.She was no genius and had never spent a single day in college.Honestly, she barely got out of high school, but she felt like she had a PhD in dealing with life’s unexpected curveballs.More importantly, she had learned the hard way how to survive them.
Although Julia had never had a child, she had been where Ella was.She remembered all too well the frantic fear that threatened to overtake her when those two pink lines popped up on a home pregnancy test she took years ago.Julia understood the fear Ella felt about how her life was about to change and how her family would respond to the news.
But Ella had one thing going for her that Julia had not.Ella had made it clear how much she loved her baby’s daddy.Though Julia had never met him, she instinctively knew that Ben was one of the good guys.Ella would never have fallen for him if he weren’t.In that regard, Ella was way out in front of where Julia had been.
Unlike Ella, Julia had terrible taste in men.The worse they were, the stronger the attraction.Her ex-husband had been no exception.Eduardo was the most beautiful man she had ever seen.He could make her laugh, and when they were together, the world felt right.He had just one tiny little problem: Every dime he earned went straight up his nose.Julia could not count the number of times he overdrew their checking account to buy drugs.Or how many times he wasted their rent, car note, or utility money on getting high.They were married less than two years.
Julia lost her baby two days after they married—a marriage her parents had insisted upon.
To Eduardo’s credit, he never left her side at the hospital when she miscarried.She would never have admitted it to anyone, but all she felt was relief.Her only regret was that it had not happenedbeforethe wedding.Eduardo, seeming to realize his hold on Julia was gone along with the baby, begged her to stay with him.Declaring his love for her, he promised to get help, to stop using, and to be the man she deserved.And he did try.God love him, he did.But some demons are too hard to fight.Julia knew her marriage was over, and her future would be too if she did not make a drastic change.
That was when Julia realized that she was going to have to be her own hero, her own knight in shining armor.Her life was up to her.It took Julia six months to secretly save up enough money to leave Eduardo.Thanks to him, her credit was shot.No one would lease her an apartment, so she had to rent a room from a friend.
That actually worked out because it allowed her to save for a divorce attorney.The day Julia walked out of court a free woman was glorious.Since then, Julia’s life had slowly gotten better.She wished she could say her taste in men had.But nope.She still liked the bad boys, but at least now she knew it was best to keep them at a distance.All these hard knocks had made Julia wiser, but luckily they hadn’t hardened her.She learned that life keeps marching no matter what.The only way to survive is to march with it.Ella needed to understand that too.Her life was not over because she was pregnant.It was just going to be different.
Julia sat at the end of the couch and gently rubbed Ella’s leg to comfort her.“I know it feels like this is the end of the world.But it isn’t.”
The look Ella gave Julia told her she did not believe her.“How can you of all people say that to me?The same thing happened to you, and look how that turned out.”As soon as the words left Ella’s mouth, she regretted them.“Oh, Julia, I am so sorry.I did not mean that.Please forgive me.This whole thing is making me crazy.”
Julia did not take offense at her cousin’s words.“No need to apologize.You are right: That this is a subject I know way too much about.But you are wrong in thinking that my situation and yours are the same.They aren’t.For all Eduardo’s gorgeous looks, he was a loser.Hooking up with him was supposed to be a diversion, not a life plan.I really don’t think that is how you see your Ben.If you put yourself in a position to make a baby with him, you must really love him a lot.You would never have been with him if you didn’t.I never loved Eduardo.He never loved me.The only thing he ever loved was cocaine.Our situations are much different.”
For the first time since leaving the doctor’s office, something other than absolute fear started permeating Ella’s brain.What Julia was saying made sense.She did love Ben.He did love her.“I get what you are saying,” replied Ella.“But a baby, Julia?What in the world am I going to do with a baby?I am just a kid myself.”
At that, Julia let out a bark of laughter.“Girlfriend, you are a lot of things, but a kid you are not.You were born an old soul.I am not sure you wereevera kid.You came into this world an adult.”
Ella shrugged, then asked, “Maybe, but what am I going to do?My parents are going to lose it.”
Julia nodded.“You are right about that.But this is not what is most important right now.Instead, you need to focus on getting a plan.”
“A plan?What kind of plan?”“A plan for the future.”
