“And I won’t pretend to believe you.” She pasted her smile back on her face, looking every bit the part he told her she would play. His heart broke at the falseness she stepped into.
She directed her gaze away from him, watching the other people in the caravan. How could he make this better? She had to trust him at least a little for him to keep her alive. That may be out of his control already.
“I told them to put you in the Vipers because I figured after a few weeks you would either give up or be cut, and you’d be able to go home.” He let the admission slip, regretting the second the words were past his lips. Apparently, today he was not only digging his grave, he was going the extra mile so his body would never be found.
“What?!” She shouted, and Carver gave her a look as he glanced around. She laughed loudly as though she was reacting to something he had said, and he was relieved she was able to pull it off. She tugged him closer to her, crossing her arm to grab his wrist. Her grip was harsh and he resisted the urge to grit his teeth as she dug her nails into his skin.
She kept her smile pasted, the perfect facade to anyone watching. He hadn’t expected her to be this good. He wouldn’t lie. He was impressed with her performance.
“You did what?” She hissed through her teeth, lips still curved in a vicious smile.
He knew he had admitted too much already, but now that part of it was out in the open, it felt less harmful to admit to all of it. “I wanted to protect you. You wouldn’t have been safe as an operative. I thought you’d come to your senses and go back to your normal life.”
She laughed again, but he could hear the anger in the noise. “I didn’t want to go back to my own life. I joined the army because I wanted my life to be worth something more.”
He rolled his eyes, “Oh be honest, Clara, you joined because you followed me.”
Her lips lifted. “So full of yourself. Is that what you’ve told yourself the last five years?” She chuckled darkly, “That I followed you? Oh my word,you’re so amazing.” She gushed, every word overly exaggerated, “I justcouldn’t livewithout you. So I followed you to the army. Pushed through two years of basictraining, became one of the best soldiers, actually, all because I couldn’t stand not seeing your face.”
He grimaced; she continued, “You’re so full of it. Did you ever thinkmaybeI joined because I wanted to do something for our kingdom?MaybeI joined to take up my father’s legacy? Do something that was actually worth something?”
Her eyes flamed again, anddang she looks hot. Not a helpful thought. But it was true. His eyes shifted to her lips momentarily before he caught himself, and was thankful she didn’t notice.
“I was elected as an operative. I worked hard for that. And I was put in the Vipers. Didn’t it ever occur to you that I was placed there because I was capable of surviving it?”
“But you weren’t placed there because of you.”Idiot.Those were the worst words he could have possibly said. It was a fatal mistake for him, even more egregious than starting this conversation. She might have moved past everything that had already been revealed. Now, it was too late to ever get out of this grave.
“What?” She gritted out.
“We’re breaking rule number 4.” He whispered against her hair, trying to keep up their pretense. He used the opportunity to look around, and no one was paying them any undue attention. He kissed the top of her head before he pulled back.
“I don’t care. You started this, please, finish it.” She tugged his wrist, nails biting once again, “And don’t. Kiss. My. Head.”
“Fine.” He was past the point of return, and no matter how much he would regret his next words, there wasn’t a true way out of it. She wouldn’t let it go. Plus, she’d be safer away from him, and maybe this would create the distance he knew they had to keep. “My father was close friends with one of the Command leaders.”
“Fine, so?”
“So, when we graduated basic I pulled a couple strings and convinced them to draft you into Vipers. It was the most physically intense sector, and, like I said, I assumed you would either quit or be cut within a few weeks.”
His admission stunned her into silence, and that scared him far more than her fury had. He could only imagine what she was thinking. He didn’t have to imagine for long.
“You never did think very highly of me.” She shook her head, “Glad to know I wasn’t crazy in believing that.” Her eyes glazed, but she blinked hard and the look was gone.
“Clara, that’s not fair or true. I did think highly of you, do,” he corrected himself, “think highly of you. I just wanted you to be safe.”
She stared out across the caravan, and he stared at her. At the dark hair brushing across her cheeks, at the intense look still burning in her eyes, at the tilt to her chin he knew was evidence of her extremely restrained anger.
“No, Carver, you didn’t think I had what it took. You assumed I followed you. The folly of a rich girl who isn’t capable of actually doing anything. Well guess what, you were wrong. I’m on the same level as you now. It’s refreshing, actually, to know exactly what you’ve believed about me.” Her voice was calm and controlled, every word calculated.
“That’s not fair.”
“You don’t get to tell me what’s fair. Your powers of manipulation only work so far.” There was no anger left in her tone. Nothing but a factual statement. Cold. Uncaring. Perfect.
“I’ve never manipulated you.”
“Not directly, maybe. But you’ve manipulated events around me in an attempt to control my life. I don’t appreciate that. It’s not your job to protect me.”
“It is myhonorto protect you.” He tried to explain. But he couldn’t find the words to placate her. He couldn’t tell her howmuch he had loved her. How much he still loved her. How yes, it wasn’t what he should have done, but it was truly a selfish move on his part. His desire to keep her alive was so he didn’t have to live without her.
