“You okay?” Carver whispered.
She peered up into his dark brown eyes, and immediately wished she hadn’t looked at him. He was way too attractive. With her hand in his, her heart was beating too quickly, and there was a traitorous part of her wishing this wasn’t an act.
She didn’t know how to answer him. Did she tell the truth? Did she admit that already this act was destroying the walls she had built and she would quite possibly never be okay again? Or did she play her role? Strong, uncaring, ready to deal with anything and everything that came her way. His eyes urged her for an answer, and as much as she wanted to lie, the words wouldn’t come. She was living too much of a lie as her hand tightened around his. He squeezed her hand back and the words tumbled out before she could stop them.
“I don’t think I’ll be okay again after this assignment.”
26CARVER
Carver stroked his thumb across her fingers–aware the action worsened the situation, but still feeling the need to offer some form of comfort. What else could he do? There were only dumb platitudes that didn’t actually mean anything, and he wouldn’t disrespect her by quoting those.It’ll all be okay. Everything works out for good. This is all just a test. Just think, we’re saving our kingdom.
He cringed inside even as he thought through these. No way he would say any of those to her.
“I never wanted you to end up here.” He whispered. Nothing else felt like a good answer. Everything else was far too flat and fake.
Her brow furrowed and she leaned closer to him. “What do you mean by that?”
He sighed deeply, swinging their clasped hands in the space between them. To everyone watching, they appeared happy enough, as if they were simply having a mundane conversation. “I tried to protect you.”
“Protect me?”
He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. It clearly didn’t work.”
Her hand fell slack in his, and he met her gaze. “It does matter. Explain.” Her voice remained quiet so as not to attract attention, but he could hear the sharpness of her tone–sharp as a knife.
He was overly aware of his heartbeat as adrenaline flooded his veins with the realization of what he was walking into. He was dangerously close to admitting something he couldn’t take back. “I didn’t mean anything by it.” He tried to brush it off, “You can’t blame me for wanting to protect you.”
“No, Carver, you did mean something by it. Don’t pretend I can’t read you. Answer the question.” Dang. She still knew him a little too well.
Carver bit his lip, contemplating how much of the truth he could share, or if a version of truth sufficed. “I’m not sure you want to know the answer.”
“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to know.” He heard his own words reiterated in that statement.
He waited to respond, hoping that someone or something would interrupt them so that he wouldn’t have to answer. She’d never forgive him if he admitted the truth. The rest of this mission would be more than miserable. Would she even be willing to continue? Maybe she would quit and that would be that. She wouldn’t die on this mission, instead she would die at the same time as everyone else when Noxvalis unleashed the biological weapon. What a thrilling thought.
“Carver, answer the question.” She tugged on his hand, desperate for the truth.
He immediately regretted looking into her blue eyes as everything he felt about her rushed to the surface. “I was only trying to protect you.” He whispered.
“Yes, you said that.”
“I didn’t think you would survive as a Viper.” He flinched as the words left his mouth. It was far too late to recall them. He dug his own grave.
“What?” She yanked her hand away from him, but after glancing around nervously, returned her hand to his. She very much looked like she was considering all the ways she could murder him. He couldn’t blame her. “You didn’t think I would survive.”
He shook his head, staring at his feet as they trod over the red dirt road. It wasn’t as dark as blood, but as thoughts ran through his head he wondered if it had been tinted by the war and faded over time. “I wanted to protect you. I promised I would.”
“A promise to whom?”
Your father. Before he died.“That’s not important.”
“It is to me.” Frustration bled over every word, but this was the one answer he couldn’t give her.
“I can’t tell you that.” He looked up at her, begging her to understand there were things he couldn’t answer. “Ask me something else.”
She gnawed on her lip, eyes angrier than he’d ever seen. All her fury was directed at him. “What’s the point? You’re a brilliant liar. You won’t give me the truth anyways.”
Ouch. He felt the dagger to his heart, the pain hitting deeper because he knew it was well deserved. “Clara,” he kept his voice soft, “I’ll give you as much of the truth as I can.”
